Page 69 of The Major's Mistake
When she didn’t answer right away, he tipped her chin up so that she was forced to look in his eyes. “I had come to believe that you still harbored some regard for me, but perhaps I am wrong. Is your heart engaged elsewhere?”
“No,” she whispered. “I shall never love anyone but you.”
His face betrayed his relief. “Then why?”
Still she remained silent. As he made to caress her cheek, his leg buckled slightly, drawing a cry of alarm from Miranda. Her arm came around his waist in support and she guided him back to the side of the bed, forcing him to take a seat on the plump mattress.
To her surprise, he refused to release her and drew her down close beside him. “I won’t be driven away so easily this time, Miranda. I want you here next to me every night. I want to raiseour son together. I want to have other sons and daughters with you as well. Good Lord, one lesson I have learned in war is that there are precious few second chances in life, so let us not waste this one.”
She buried her face in his shoulder. “That you could offer your forgiveness means more to me than I can ever express, but ….” Her voice faltered. “But you would always think, in your heart, that I had been capable of betraying you. I don’t think I could bear it, Julian.”
It suddenly seemed he was having trouble trying to catch his breath—as if her big groom had landed another powerful blow to the middle of his chest. Finally, he managed a hoarse whisper. “I think it’s time you help me understand what happened that night.”
“Do you know how many times I have wished that I had heard that request on your lips?” said Miranda softly. “Rather than see the look of bitter accusation in your eyes.”
“I am asking it now, Miranda. Pleas tell me, and strip the past of the power to hurt us anymore.”
She looked up at him, a mixture of hope and fear mingled in her expression.
Hope that he was right, and fear that he may not believe the truth.
That was the crux of it, Miranda admitted to herself. She had been too afraid of what his choice would have been when faced with trusting her or another. She wasn’t sure she could have survived that sort of rejection, and so she had hidden behind pride and anger. She had survived all the insults and hardships thrown at her by Society—that had seemed almost easy in comparison.
Was she strong enough now to meet the same challenge?
As their eyes met, Julian gave her hand a gentle squeeze of encouragement. And suddenly the decision didn’t seem so difficult.
“There was no clandestine meeting in the library with some lover.”
Julian’s throat visibly tightened.
“It was ….” She nearly choked on the words. “… it was Lord Averill. He found me alone and tried to convince me to dally with me.”
His eyes pressed closed as the awful truth began to sink in.
“When I refused, he … he forced his attentions on me, just enough to put me in the state you saw.” She shuddered at the memory. “I tried to fight back, but he was too strong. After he had humiliated me, he warned me not to speak of it to anyone, lest you be caught up in a scandal. I agreed, thinking it would save you from any … hurt.”
“Good God,” he rasped.
“And so he left the room, telling me to wait for a bit before I tried to make my way to my room.” Her voice betrayed a tremor. “What a gudgeon I was to believe he had even a shred of honor. I had heard him mutter that he would see me suffer for thwarting his plans. I just never imagined even he could come up with such a malicious plot.”
“And instead of the support you needed I gave you only harsh accusations.” Julian’s arms fell away from and he buried his head in his hands. “I deserve every ounce of your scorn, and more,” he added in a hollow voice. “Averill sought me out in the billiard room and, with a great sigh of regret, told me that as a friend and a gentleman he felt obliged to inform me of what he had seen. He claimed that he had gone looking for a book in the library, only to surprise you and a lover … in the throes of lovemaking, and quite clearly enjoying it.”
His jaw worked. “He was always the clever one, and he certainly sensed how vulnerable I was to the suggestion that perhaps I wasn’t man enough to hold your esteem. Well, he played me for the fool. And what a fool I was, not to see through his shameless lies.”
“Then you … you believe me?”
“My God, how you must hate me,” was his only response.
“No.” Her hand stroked through his tangled locks. “Oh, I told myself I did because it helped me bear what followed. But I always knew I was only fooling myself.” She sighed. “It was unfair—I didn’t give you a chance. What else could you think when confronted with such a sight. I should have followed you and forced you to listen! It is only to your credit that you could not conceive of a gentleman making such a mockery of honor.”
“You are far too generous in excusing my actions. As your husband I promised to love and protect you and I failed miserably. I see now that I don’t deserve a second chance.”
The marquess raised his head and to Miranda’s shock, there were tears on his lean cheeks.
“Oh, Julian.”
Cradled in her arms, he wept like a child
