Page 56 of Brad & Finn
His mom, not privy to the growing tightness in Brad’s chest, beamed at him, her smile smoothing away the wrinkles and lines around her eyes.
Brad had spent his entire childhood trying to make her smile like that. When he was in elementary school, it had been simple. All he had to do was bring her an A on a test or tell her about a new friend he’d made, and she’d smile just like this, like she could finally put down the heavy weight she always carried around with her.
In high school, it had become harder and harder to relieve that weight, but he’d risen to the challenge. He’d signed up for the most impressive sounding clubs and pushed himself, often past his physical limits, until he made the varsity team and could finally promise her they wouldn’t have to worry about paying for college. Years later, when he got his first job, he promised her she wouldn’t have to worry about missing utility bill payments.When he’d accepted the much higher paying recruiting job, he’d been able to help her pay off the principal on the mortgage, which had been growing for over twenty-five years since his dad left.
“I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like being single was a bad thing or like you needed to rush into a relationship,” she said, as her smile waned and her eyes got a faraway look in them. “Obviously, I’m not one to talk. I put my entire life and career on hold for your father. I wouldn’t ever want you to jeopardize your dream job because your old mom is pushing you to date. Besides, I know better than anyone that love doesn’t always win.”
Brad’s chest seized up, an automatic response anytime that haunted look appeared, and his mom started talking like this. Like his dad leaving had been inevitable.
Right after he left, Brad had been convinced it was something he could have staved off if only he’d been better at peewee sports or brought home better grades. A few months later, when the dust had barely begun to settle, his mom told him that he’d done nothing wrong and that his dad leaving hadn’t been his fault. That didn’t seem to matter, though, when all the neighbor ladies told him that he was the man of the house now and that he had to look after his mom. His aunt, a miserable woman whose only gift to the world had been birthing Brad’s amazing cousin, had pulled him aside at the next Christmas dinner and told him that he had better shape up because his mom didn’t need any more trouble.
He’d listened, and never stopped listening, until now.
Now, he wanted to tell his mom how tired he was, and that maybe he finally cared about one thing, one person, in the world anywhere near as much as he cared about her.
He stepped forward and took the towel out of her hands, running his thumb over the insignia he’d finally get to wear on acoach’s jacket in just a few short weeks. “You’re not pushing me into anything,” he said.
Although part of him wished she would. For once, he wished that she would stomp her foot and demand he stop prioritizing his career and instead prioritize his love life. As he looked into her sun-spotted face, he realized he’d brought this on himself, and maybe there was no turning back now.
“I’m excited about the new position, and this thing with—with the man I met here isn’t going to jeopardize that,” he said. “My number one priority is still launching my coaching career and making a name for myself.”
“Well, I don’t know about all that,” she said, pointing at the oven door for him to hang the towel back up. “But I heard you in the café the other day. I know there’s no way you would choose dating someone over your career, and you certainly wouldn’t move back here—or anywhere—to date. While I would love grandchildren, there’s no rush, and you can only prioritize so many things at once, and I’ve always known your priority was work.”
Brad dutifully walked over to the oven and slid the towel back into place, adjusting it until it fell as neatly as the one next to it. His mother’s warm, comforting hand landed in the middle of his back, and he turned around.
“I’m so proud of you, Brad. You’ve worked so hard for this, and I know you won’t let anyone, especially me, get in the way of it.”
She didn’t say it, but Brad could hear it clear as day. That “anyone” also implied any kind of significant other he might be trying to pursue after only three days at a high school reunion. He tried to tell himself that she didn’t know the whole story. If she did, maybe she’d feel different.
When she held her arms open to him, he accepted the hug, but he had to keep it short or risk blurting out everything hecouldn’t tell her. Like how he thought maybe, just maybe, he’d found someone worth risking it all for. Or that he was beginning to think love didn’t have to lead to loss, and he could have it all if he could get this one last thing right. Maybe he could pursue his dream job, as well as his dream man, and he’d be able to do both at the same time if he tried hard enough…if he justkept pushing.
As he climbed the steps to his childhood room, he couldn’t help but wonder how much longer he could keep pushing for. He was tired down to his bones—and not from a few days of missed sleep. He was exhausted from almost eightyearsof missed sleep, long days, and even longer nights. He felt every year his age as he crawled into the back of his closet and pulled out a dusty box of football memorabilia.
He knew that while trading in the long, lonely nights of recruiting trips for team away gamesfeltdifferent, in practice, he would still be away from home a lot during the football season. Finn lived in Indianapolis and owned his own apartment there. On top of that, he would likely be providing support to Chloe, her mom, and Christian for the rest of the summer. Then the football season would start, and Brad would have a huge amount of catching up to do in order to keep up with the rest of the coaching staff.
As he pulled out his football jacket and a pair of pompoms Kendall had given him as a joke, he heard Chloe’s voice in his head, insisting Finn deserved someone who would choose him. The implied “and not their job” was much clearer to him now than it had been in her guest room. He stood up, on knees that creaked and a hip that popped, and slowly made his way back downstairs.
When he reached the bottom of the landing, it occurred to him that he hadn’t thought his plan through very well because he didn’t have a ride back into town. He desperately didn’t want totalk about the promposal anymore, but he was going to have to ask his mom for a ride.
Thankfully, when he walked back into the kitchen, he found her talking on her cell phone and depositing the loaf of bread in the proofing drawer.
She put the phone on speaker in the car, and he got to listen to one of the neighbors talk about the rising cost of sod. It distracted him enough that he couldn’t parse through the thoughts running rampant in his mind. He wondered if this was what Finn meant when he’d waved his fingers next to his head. He felt like his thoughts were on ten different wavelengths, all bouncing and bumping until he was only able to make out static.
At the last second, almost making his mom miss the turn, he signaled for them to pull over in front of the town’s only flower shop. As he got out, his mom muted the phone and leaned across the center console.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to ask you about your prom date, hon. I hope you have a wonderful time and get to have a little fun before going back to start your new job.”
Brad nodded stiffly, wishing one last time he could burst out that maybe he wanted more than just one night and a little fun. He’d handled their conversation all wrong, but now his head was mixed up, and his heart was aching.
As Brad shuffled into the flower shop, he saw that he hadn’t been the only one with this idea. He vaguely recognized three alumni in line in front of him. He pulled out his phone and idly swiped through his personal email while he waited. He deleted all of the ads and newsletters he never got around to reading before switching to his work email. He usually checked it several times a day, but he hadn’t checked it since Thursday afternoon, and he was shocked at how many unread messages he had. Several of them were marked as urgent, and one of them was from HR. He read through them quickly—and then more slowlyas it became apparent he’d forgotten to submit some of the necessary paperwork for his promotion. They had asked for the documents by the end of day yesterday, otherwise it was possible there would be a delay in his start date.
He had been very purposeful in asking to start a week before summer break began. He wanted to attend the end-of-year meeting with the current team members and socialize with the other coaches. How had he been so careless and forgotten those documents?
Because his head had been filled with thoughts of the reunion, that’s why.
The line moved again, and he stepped forward, but he listed slightly to the side as he scanned the email more carefully. His hip collided with a display of flowers, and he nearly dropped his phone trying to grab a vase so it didn’t fall to the floor. The woman in line helped him right it, and he shoved his phone in his pocket in shame.
He would have to send the documents when he got back to his hotel room. He hadn’t brought his laptop, but with some searching through old emails and possibly a few phone calls, he could probably get hold of the documents. He had no idea why they needed so much from him, especially since he was already employed by them, but rules were rules, and he was going to follow them to the letter.
