Page 25 of Brad & Finn
Finally, Brad squeezed Finn’s side. “I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know what it would have meant if you had known. I definitely hadn’t come to terms with being bi back then, and I have no idea how I would have felt or how I would have reacted if you’d come out to me. I hope I would’ve reacted sort of the same way I am now.”
“By telling me I’d look different as a guy?” Finn asked, surprised he was able to joke about this.
Brad turned to look at Finn, and when Finn kept staring at the photo, Brad lifted his free hand to Finn’s chin and turned his face up so there was less than an inch between them.
“No…by wanting to kiss you anyway,” Brad said, his breath brushing against Finn’s lips.
Finn waited for Brad to lean down and initiate the kiss, but just like that night at Cory’s, Brad seemed to be waiting for Finn to take the final leap.
As Finn’s typically scattered focus homed in on Brad’s lips, it felt like the entire world went still. All the noise from the gym and the bright lights overhead dimmed until they were wrapped in their own little bubble. Finn hesitated, but then thought, when in Gomillion, do like the Gomillion’s do…or something.
He raised both of his hands to Brad’s bearded cheeks, turning so he could press into Brad’s chest and lift onto the balls of his feet. This was a lot easier when they were gangly eighteen-year-olds, kneeling in the middle of the spin-the-bottle game. They’d been much closer in height when kneeling, and Brad had bent his head down and done most of the work.
Now, Brad stood almost frozen in surprise as Finn pressed their lips together. It was different than before. He could taste the beer on Brad’s lips, and his mustache tickled Finn’s nose. When he tried to pull Brad’s face down to deepen the kiss, it was about as effective as it had been when Finn kissed the Paul Bunyan statue on a dare one long-ago spring break.
As it became clear Brad wasn’t going to engage in the kiss, disappointment and fear crashed into Finn. He pulled back, preparing himself to make a quick exit. How had he read the signs so wrong? Brad had all but told Finn to kiss him, and he had, but apparently that had been the wrong thing to do.
Right as Finn dropped his hands to his side, it was like Brad woke up from a dream. He placed a solid hand on Finn’s back and pressed him forward, out of their little hiding place. As he did so, the sounds of the gym rushed back in, and Finn realized there were people on the other side of the bleachers coming to look at the photos.
“I’m so sorry. I heard people coming and froze,” Brad whispered in Finn’s ear before taking a half step back, so they weren’t on top of each other anymore.
People began to press in around them, many cooing over all of their baby faces and horrible haircuts. He heard familiar names being tossed around, and then someone mentioned the cheerleading team.
Finn’s cheeks were hot, and the skin on his face felt too tight, like a poorly fitted mask. He didn’t think he could deal with the utter humiliation of having not only kissed Brad, but also having almost gotten them caught three hours into the reunion. He frantically scanned the crowd, looking for Chloe.
When he spotted her, she was looking for him as well. She said a quick word to the group of people she was standing with and headed over to them.
“Hi, are you okay—wow, that is a huge picture of my face,” Chloe said, her lips turning down in a scowl.
Brad gave an anxious-sounding laugh, and Finn glanced over, noting his ruddy cheeks and the light sheen of sweat across his brow.
“I think…I’d rather not be here for this,” Finn said.
“We can go—” Brad tried to say, but Chloe cut him off.
“No, no, you stay and enjoy the collage. I don’t need to look at the photos, and we’ve barely eaten since lunch at my mom’s house. We’re going to get something to eat, and we’ll meet you at Timbers and Tallboys in an hour?” Chloe suggested, wrapping an arm protectively around Finn’s back.
He wanted to say he didn’t need to be babied, that he could feed himself, take care of himself, and deal with everything this reunion was bringing up for him without help. But Chloe had been there for some of the darker parts of his transition. She’d force-fed him frozen meals when he’d been too depressed to eat and bought him a water bottle that counted the time for him so he would remember to hydrate. Sometimes he did need a little help, and by the way his hands were beginning to shake, right now was probably one of them.
Finn glanced one last time at Brad, who looked more like the confused teenage boy on the wall behind him than the grown adult man he was now.
“Okay, if you’re sure you don’t need–uhm…” Brad paused. “I mean…yeah, I’ll see you guys in an hour.”
Finn was pretty worried that hedidneed Brad—or, at least, he wanted him to come with them and clarify what had just happened and what this all meant and what he was supposed to do?—
And he couldn’t very well do that with Chloe sitting across from them at some all-too-familiar restaurant. He also couldn’task her to stay here alone while he went off with Brad to sort this shit out.
Still, he could almost feel the phantom touch of Brad’s hand on his jaw, somehow knowing exactly where Finn kept all his tension. On cue, that tiny muscle in his jaw spasmed, and he wished Brad would insist on coming. He wished the three of them could cram into a booth together, split a cheap pizza, and share a single refillable soda cup like they used to.
Before Finn could say or do anything, Brad was pulled into a conversation by a brawny man next to him, and Finn allowed Chloe to guide him out of the gym.
“Okay, what did he do?” Chloe asked when they were almost back in town.
“He didn’t–” Finn tried to say.
“Because I swear to god, if he said something stupid about how you used to look or that he missed that ponytail you always wore to try and hide the fact you hated your long hair–”
“Now who’s saying something about how I used to look?” Finn grumbled
