Page 75 of Rules for Heiresses
“And that scared you?”
Courtland’s anguished gaze slammed into hers, so many emotions there that she could barely sort through them. The most potent of them was regret. Raw, aching regret. “I didn’t know. He sent letters that I never read. And until Bingham arrived with the news of his death, I’d kept him out of my affairs.”
“Why didn’t you read them?” she asked quietly. “The letters?”
He scraped a hand through his hair. “I suppose I was afraid. A part of me assumed he felt as Lady Borne and my brother had—like I was the bad son to be ignored and shunned. I couldn’t bear knowing that he might be ashamed of me. I had Rawley destroy them.”
“But why would you think that?”
“It was something Stinson said, that I would never belong.” He sighed. “I should have known that it was a lie. And now, because of my own stubbornness, I lost the chance of knowing someone in my family who gave a shit about me.”
“You still have a chance,” Ravenna said. “With Bronwyn and Florence. You have people who…care about you, Courtland. You have to let them in sometime.” She let out an uncertain breath. “I know you’re worried about rejection. We all have insecurities. You don’t want to need anyone, and I refuse to conform. We’re sharp square-cut pegs trying to fit into smooth, round holes. That doesn’t make us unworthy, it just makes us different.”
“How did you get so wise?”
“I am often accused of being a woman with radical views.”
“That you are,” he said softly. “It’s one of the things that drew me to you.”
Something snapped tight inside of her then…a feeling of acceptance, ofrightness. Courtland saw her for who she was. For all his faults, he had never tried to change her.
The duke pushed off the balustrade. “We should be getting back or we will be missed. As much as I esteem my mother-in-law, I do not wish to be on the receiving end of her wrath.” Courtland took her palm in his, and though his usual shutters had now descended into place, a rueful smile curled the corner of his lip. They made their way back to the ballroom, where he paused at the entrance. “Ravenna, I know things haven’t been great between us. I just…I want to thank you for what you did.”
Her chest tightened, but she squeezed the fingers still twined in hers. She could not have ignored the pain on his face any more than she could have ignored a bleeding wound on her own body. She was still reeling that he’d trusted her with what had happened with Bronwyn. A man as fortified as he was didn’t share or trust easily. “You’re welcome.”
Courtland led her inside, whereupon they were instantly met by her mother. “Where have you two been?” she scolded. “Good gracious, I’ve had the footmen searching for you everywhere. It’s time for your dance.”
Ravenna frowned. “Dance?”
“Yourweddingwaltz.” Her mother shot her a caustic look. “I didn’t plan all this to celebrate someone else’s nuptials, wretched child. The least you could do is humor me.”
“Of course, Mama.”
She bit her lip at Courtland’s muffled grunt of amusement, though she felt a chuckle bubbling up in her own chest. They took their places, and then the music started. The minute Courtland started to move, Ravenna felt everything inside of her relax and settle. Everything about this waltz felt perfect.Hefelt perfect. Other couples joined them, but Ravenna barely noticed. All she could see was him.
Two square-cut pegs. And yet they fit perfectly together.
She smiled. Even though he could be an imperious toad at times, it wasn’t because he was overbearing. It was because he was protective. He’d tried to keep her at a distance, but she’d gotten close anyway, and that scared the daylights out of him. His little confession about his grandfather had opened her eyes. Despite his aloofness, Courtland wanted to belong. Everyone wanted to feel like they had a place somewhere.
Cast out at so young an age, he’d carved out a space elsewhere that was his alone, but knowing that his grandfather had held him in esteem—had loved him—was gutting. He’d never admit it—at least not in so many words—but, like her, he was desperate for acceptance. Perhaps that was why they were so alike…both searching for their places in the world.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” her duke asked.
She flushed. “Like what?”
“Like I’m a lost puppy you intend rescue.”
“You’re absurd.”
Courtland spun her into a turn and brought her close. “I don’t need saving, Ravenna.”
Despite the fond smile on his lips, his eyes were as impenetrable as cold flint. If she didn’t know better, she would have heeded the clear warning in their stony depths, but she wasn’t much good at doing what was expected or what one should do. “But maybeIdo.”
“You’ve never struck me as a girl who needed any man to save her,” he said.
“I’m not, but I’ve decided that ‘saving’ is a flexible word.”
His lips twitched. “It is?”
