Page 66 of My Hellion, My Heart
“I’m fine,” he said eventually, concentrating on the contours of her face and the shape of the arbor around them. Henry’s breath calmed little by little as he forced his rigid muscles to loosen. Focusing on minute details helped, though bloodlust still simmered like molten lead in his veins. It would not have taken much provocation to rip the man limb from limb. In fact, it was surprising that Remisov had made it out of the arbor unharmed, but if he had laid one finger on Irina, the outcome would have been much different.
Henry frowned as if doubting his own view of Irina’s reentry into the ballroom. “Did you see the princess go back inside?”
Rose nodded. “Yes, she entered the ballroom just before.”
“You’re certain?”
“Yes.”
“And Remisov?”
“Not that I saw. He stalked off in the opposite direction. Perhaps he’ll cool his heels a bit,” Rose said, her brow creasing in worry as Henry rubbed his aching temples with the heels of his palms. “Perhaps we should also tarry a moment,” she said, pointing to a nearby stone bench that offered an ample view of the terrace and the entire wing of the residence.
Henry drew a pained breath and nodded. Not that it would stop the reckless hellion from escaping via another exit, but it would set his mind at ease for the moment. At least while he composed himself enough to return to the ballroom.
“Good.” She smiled and took the seat beside him. “You’d terrify the guests with that ferocious expression in your eyes alone.”
Henry cringed. Rose was never one to mince words. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“Please,” she said gently, laying her fingers on his sleeve. “I’ve seen far worse, remember?”
Henry swallowed. It was true that both Rose and John had seen him at his very worst in the first few weeks after his return from France. They were the sole reason he’d managed to survive…and had been able to come back from the brink of what he’d endured. Henry had moved out of Hartstone for fear of unknowingly harming anyone and had stayed with them for some months until he’d started to feel less like an animal and more like a man. Until he was sure that his own mother would be safe in his presence. The obstacle course had been John’s idea to keep the devils at bay. Holding his head in between his palms, Henry groaned. He could use a round or three on the course right about now.
“I wanted to kill him,” he heard himself say after a while.
“You would not have.”
Henry lifted a tortured gaze to hers. “Icouldhave. Easily. It was only by a miracle that I did not.” He sighed, returning his face to his hands. “I am a killer, after all.”
“You’re not that man anymore, Henry,” Rose said. “And men are forced to become killers in times of war. You stopped now because it was the right thing to do.”
He admired her unswerving loyalty, but no, Rose was wrong. It had nothing to do with doing the right thing or not. He had stopped because he had not wanted Irina to see the beast that lived deep inside of him, the one that had so nearly reared its vicious head. Deep down, it was the true reason he had asked Rose to marry him. She’dseenhim. Sheknewhim. If Irina ever caught a glimpse of the monster he worked so hard to keep buried, she would never be able to look at him the same way. That man had come dangerously close to making an appearance tonight.
Henry had never known anyone who could drag him to such uncontrolled extremes. One minute he wanted to kiss her, and the next he wanted to throttle her. The exacting self-control he held over himself seemed to fly out the window when she was near.
“She is a danger to herself,” he growled.
Rose took a deep breath and squeezed his forearm where her fingers still rested. “I haven’t seen you this angry over anything in a long while.”
“If we hadn’t come upon them, who knows what would have happened.” He raked a furious hand through his hair. “She is my ward.”
“She is far more than that,” Rose replied quietly.
Henry’s eyes met hers in the filtered moonlight as a host of emotions barreled into him. “She is a friend to my family.”
“You’re lying to yourself, Henry, and you know it.” She looked him directly in the eye. “You are in love with her. And if John were here, he’d tell you the same.”
Pain stabbed his heart. “If John were here, you’d be happily married while I would—”
“Have to find some other poor excuse for a wife,” Rose finished with a bright smile. “And heaven knows if I would have been able to stand by and watch you marry Lady La Valse. Even if John were here, you’d still have to deal with the stipulation on your title, or give it up entirely.”
“Sometimes I think that would be the better course,” he said softly. “To walk away and disappear. I deserve to be alone.”
“Stop being silly. That would destroy Lady Langlevit.” Rose twisted on the bench, her hand angling toward his jaw. “I’ll tell you what you deserve—you deserve to forgive yourself and allow yourself the chance to be loved.” She cupped his chin, forcing him to face her. “That young lady loves you. And you are too intelligent not to recognize your own feelings when it comes to her, otherwise you would not have reacted as you have. You would not have dragged me out here the minute you saw her leave the ballroom on the arm of that young man.”
“Remisov is a snake.”
“This is not about him. It’s abouther.”
