Page 39 of Ruthless Commander
Rhys flinched, then stilled, searching my gaze. “I know.”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t think you do.” I pushed away from him and stumbled toward the entrance of the apartment. “Just leave me be, Rhys.”
Agony roared through me as I made my way to the elevator, staggering in as a group of others stepped out. Tears filled my eyes as I smashed my fist against the button for the door.“Close, goddammit!”
Rhys was there, stepping forward just as the doors closed with athud,and for a second, I was alone…the kind of alone that hit me soul deep. Marcus’s death had hurt me…but it wasn’t just that. It was seeing them happy. Fin, Anna…Hell, even Lazarus Rossi was after Kat and Bruno had made his interest well and truly known when it came to the weird one, Evan Valachi. That left me…alone…like I was destined to be forever.
That ache in my chest grew claws as the elevator came to a stop and the doors slowly opened. I stumbled out, blinded by the tears that spilled free and the alcohol that slammed into me. I had to get out of here, get back to the lonely fucking apartment, hole myself up in my room and wait for the ache to pass. It’d pass…it had to.
“Ma’am.” One of the bodyguards came toward me as I stumbled out.
“No.” I swung my hand through the air. “Leave me alone.”
The door…that’s what I focused on, and the darkness that waited outside, darkness where I could disappear. I charged through as the automatic doors opened and was hit by a gust of wind so brutal it shoved me sideways. I tripped, fell, and was caught by strong, steady hands before I hit the ground.
“Xael?”
No…no…I wrenched my gaze up and stared at the one man I couldn’t handle…not now. Not when my emotions were so close to the surface. But there I was, drowning, with his grip my only tether. “Don’t touch me…don’t you dare.”
Pain carved through his gaze. “Xael,please…”
“No.” I yanked my arm from his hold.“You fucking bastard!”I screamed, then unleashed a wounded sound. One that ripped free from that roaring agony in my chest. I closed my eyes and pressed my fist against that hole he'd left behind, then opened my eyes once more and stumbled backwards.
Wounded.
We were both so fucking wounded. I dropped my gaze to his hand still hovering in the air. “I can’t get you out of my head.” I’d never said the words before, not out loud. But here I was, finding that flinch in his eyes. “Doesn’t matter what I do. Doesn’t matter who I fuck. My body…my body doesn’t respond. Not like it did with you. I’m broken, Mateo. But I guess none of that matters, does it? Not as much as your fucking job…YOUR FUCKING JOB!”
Tears came, streaming down my cheeks. I could’ve died tonight…in fact, I wished I was dying because this…this was goddamn torture. I spun and lunged away.
“Xael!”he roared behind me.
But I wasn’t stopping, wasn’t slowing, wasn’t looking into his eyes a second longer. I drove my boots into the ground and plunged into the darkness. But I didn’t get far. The shadows had barely swallowed me before I was grabbed and lifted back.
“Let me go!” I kicked and howled.
But he was still there, pulling me against his strong, warm chest and I was so cold…so fucking cold.
“Easy…easy now, Xael,” he murmured in my ear in that cool, dangerous tone, one that nearly brought me undone.“I’m not going to hurt you.”
I barked a cruel laugh and punched out, driving my fist against that chest I'd once rested my head against. “You don’t get it, do you?You do hurt me, Mateo.”
He froze, those dark, unflinching eyes fixed on my pain. He saw me more clearly than anyone had ever seen me before.
“I can’t do this…” I shook my head. “I thought I could. But I can’t.I…can’t.”I shoved away. “I feel like I’m dying. This is death…this is my fucking death.”
I turned away, but there was no running this time…there was only me leaving.
Only that agony I carried with me as I made my way toward my building. As I walked in the dark, I felt another presence, this one familiar. I glanced behind me, finding Rhys a few steps away, walking with me as we stepped around the back of our building.
He never said a word, just pressed his card to the scanner until the doors opened, leaving me to step into the glaring lights. “I want to leave,” I announced, wiping away my tears. “I want to leave this goddamn island. I want to get thefuckout of here…tonight.”
“Okay,” he answered. “I’ll make the arrangements.”
I nodded as the elevator doors opened and I stepped inside. I was getting out of here. Far away from Mateo and far away from these assholes…I couldn’t fucking wait.I rose higher, my body shaking and twitching as the doors opened and I strode toward my bedroom.
Ten minutes was all it took. The cold and the agony sobered me fast enough. I stared down at my packed bags and lifted my gaze, taking in the empty room. It’d be like I was never here…
I grabbed my suitcase and hauled it from the bed, letting the wheels hit the floor before I yanked it forward. I thought of stopping for a second, thought of saying goodbye to my weird roommate, but then I turned away, not wanting to spend a second longer in this place than I had to.
