Page 39 of Devious Temptation
“He followed me,” I whisper, unable to clearly focus on her face.
“Who followed you?”
My gaze snaps back to my phone, and I quickly open the app, pressing my notifications to go to Lawson’s profile. He’s barely updated it in the last six years. A photo of him, Charlotte, and Rhys from graduation day is still in the top six photos, but I don’t pay much attention to the new ones as my fingers fly over the screen to open a message thread between us.
“No!” I cry pitifully, slamming my hand on my comforter like a child throwing a tantrum. “No! No! No! No! No!” Each outraged wail is punctuated by a slapagainst my bed as my sister asks what the hell is wrong with me.
I don’t answer her as hot, angry tears cloud my sight, and I fall back against my pillows, sending Lorraine’s beads flying through the air and all over my bedroom floor.
Lawson might have blocked me all those years ago, but Iconic still lets you message people who have blocked you. They just store the messages until the person unblocks you or you delete your profile.
Which means as soon as Lawson unblocked me, his inbox received an influx of every message I sent him before I left for college and my first semester away from home—and unfortunately for me, I sent him a lot of messages.
Grabbing my tangerine pillow, I hold it to my face and scream. “FUCK MY LIFE!”
Lawson
@lucybradee: Hey.
@lucybradee: I think maybe I do want to talk before leaving.
I stare at my screen, reading the messages as they come through the second I unblock Lucy on Iconic. One after another, each one makes me more ill as her desperation reads clearly through the words.
@lucybradee: Can I at least say goodbye?
@lucybradee: I’m pretty sure you blocked me. Can’t say I blame you.
My stomach twists, and my heart beats rapidly as I think of how alone she must have felt. I’m such a fucking jackass for blocking her because I didn’t want the temptationof seeing her beautiful, smiling face every day as she went on living her life.
@lucybradee: (picture of dorm room) All moved in! My roommate is pretty great. California is beautiful.
@lucybradee: You blocked my phone number too? I think that’s a bit extreme.
@lucybradee: You know, the LEAST you could have done was talk to me before I left. I thought you were a nice guy?
In some of the messages that span her first semester away, the words are jumbled and don’t make sense. Clearly, they’re a sign she was drunk when she sent them.
When did her drinking that much begin? Did I cause it? As far as I can remember, she never used to drink to excess.
But the fact that it was me she was thinking about while she was out having fun softens my resolve to keep her at arm’s length the rest of the year I’m here. What we did on graduation night wasn’t okay. I’m a sick man for letting it happen and an even worse one for cutting off all communication afterward.
@lucybradee: Why won’t you speak to me, Lawson?
@lucybradee: Are you mad at me?
@lucybradee: If you think I’m upset, I’m not. I don’t regret what happened.
The chicken salad I made for lunch threatens to reappear as her distress rings clear in the number of messages she sent.
@lucybradee:I’m coming home for Christmas. Do you think we can talk?
The dates of her messages are further and further apart. Where days used to separate them, it stretches to weeks, and the last two have nearly a month between them.
She sent the final one on New Year’s Eve of that year.
@lucybradee:I’m sorry for all the messages. You must think I’m pathetic. I won’t bother you again. Have a nice life, Lawson.
If I felt bad before, I certainly feel worse now.
