Page 50 of Devious Temptation
“Get in the car.”
Quietly, I do as he says, and he whips his suit jacket onto my lap. All the earlier dopamine fades as an unhealthy amount of uncomfortable adrenaline surges through my veins. “What’s your address?”
“Lawson—”
His eyes snap to mine, causing me to shut my mouth. “Address, Lucy.”
Tears sting my eyes as I clutch his jacket and relent. The smooth fabric feels cool between my fingers while I play idly with the edge of a lapel. “Why do you keep fighting this?”
A deep sigh leaves his chest. He runs a hand over his face before bracing an elbow on the edge of the window, propping his head against his fingers. “Because everything about it is wrong.”
I blink away my tears. “Why is it wrong? We’re two consenting adults whowanteach other. What is the problem with that?”
“Because you shouldn’t want me!” he shouts, the loud exclamation booming through the car. “You should be at the party right now, with guys your age, not with your boss.” I open my mouth to interrupt him, but he cuts me off. “The only reason you feel this way toward me is because of what happened on graduation night.”
Confused, I shake my head. “I mean, not really. Things started happening before then.”
He barks out a dry laugh. “No shit. And they shouldn’t have. We should never have gone there.Ishould never have entertained it. And now, youthinkyou want to be with me, but trust me, Lucy, you don’t.”
“Why?” I cry incredulously. “Why are you being sostubborn about this? I think I’m capable of knowing what I want, Lawson!”
“But you didn’t then! You were a child. And I knew better!”
“I was eighteen! That is considered an adult, isn’t it? I mean, the consenting age in Illinois is seventeen, right? It could have been worse.”
“God, Lucy, don’t try to justify it that way. What happened was wrong. No matter how you look at it.” As we stop at a light, he whispers, “It was so fucking wrong. Every single message you sent me, the need to see me and talk to me, it was all a trauma response.”
A trauma response?
“What trauma? Lawson, you didn’t traumatize me. You aren’t making any sense,” I argue, slapping the center console to try and get his attention. The light turns green, and he presses on the gas pedal.
“I did, though! And it wasn’t fucking okay! What I did to you—” He roughly runs his hand through his hair, an exasperated huff expelling through his nose. “It was assault, Lucy.”
An incredulous laugh erupts from my throat, and his storm cloud eyes snap sideways to look at me with an unapproving gleam in their depths. The skin around his knuckles turns white from how hard he’s gripping the steering wheel.
“You’re not… Are you serious? You think youassaultedme?” Utter disbelief shatters my composure. “You definitely didnotassault me! If you don’t remember, you tried to stop it.Ididn’t want to! If anything, I forcedyou.”
“I was a grown-ass man. You didn’t force me to do shit.I willingly fucked around with you, knowing you were too young, knowing you were dating my son, and I didn’t fucking care. I was selfish, and you were scarred because of it.”
“Stop telling me I’m damaged,” I snap, crossing my arms with a huff as I turn away from him. “You didn’tscarme. I messaged you because I missed you. Because we had no time to explore our very obvious connection. That’s it. End of your ridiculous excuses.”
Another deep sigh sounds from his side of the car. He pulls onto my road as the honey locusts begin to sway in the wind, the rain clinging to their branches with the sudden downpour. Lawson turns on the windshield wipers, then the heat up a few notches as his gaze takes in my shivering body.
Always trying to make sure I’m comfortable.
We remain silent as he pulls up next to the curb, the only sounds coming from the whir of the heater and the wipers' rhythmic swipes as they chase the rain away.
After what seems like hours, he finally turns to me, remorse heavy in his eyes. “I wasn’t trying to say you’re damaged, Lucy. I just think that your attraction to me stems from an unhealthy place. I don’t think you would have even given me a second thought if everything that happened hadn’t.”
“Well, it did, Lawson. It happened, and I don’t fault you for any of it. I don’t think you assaulted me, and I’m sorry that my age bothers you, but there’s not a teen at the end of it anymore. I’m an actual adult with adult feelings, who makes big adult decisions. And I’m telling you that I want to explore this. Exploreus.” I plead with my eyes, myvoice, my body language—everything to try and show him how serious I am about this… aboutus.
His remorse turns apologetic. Ice grips my heart, as cold and brutal as the storm picking up outside. “You’ve always been so gray and moody, like a storm. Beautiful in its ability to wash away the bad but still leaving devastation in its wake if it chooses to.” I reach for the door handle, pulling it open as I lay his jacket on the seat behind me. “But you know what comes after a storm?” His eyebrows dart into his hairline briefly as he waits for me to answer. “Rainbows. We’d make a good pair if you’d just allow us to explore it.”
His gaze drops to the console, his resolve firm as he stays silent.
I expect to be angry but find myself melancholy instead. “Goodnight, Lawson.”
“Goodnight, Lucy.” I exit the car and enter the storm, taking my time to let it wash away the desperation I always feel when I’m near him.
