Page 72 of No Such Thing as Serendipity
“Well, yeah,” Katlynn called out, “but it’s less likely.”
I glanced at Helena, who was nodding. She was proof that sometimes bad things happened no matter what we did.
“Hold that thought,” Mary Lou said, pointing at Katlynn. “How about relationships?”
“It’s complicated,” someone called from the back of the room.
“True, true,” Mary Lou said with a chuckle. “So what can you do?”
Just like the first question, answers filled the air.Communication. Thoughtful gestures. Putting your relationship first...
“You guys are good,” Mary Lou said. “Full of answers. I love it. So how can you control your reputation?”
Honesty. Integrity. Genuineness. Loyalty...
“What if I told you that you’re incorrect?” Mary Lou said.
“No,” someone called out.
Mary Lou smiled. “I’m afraid it’s true.” She gestured toward Katlynn. “What’s your name?”
“Katlynn.”
“Katlynn said something earlier, when we were talking about health. She said, but it’s less likely. And that is the key. Youdon’t control those things, but you have influence. No matter how many healthy things you do, a disease could hit you. No matter what you do for your spouse, they could trade you in for a newer model. And how many times have you seen someone’s reputation tanked on false rumors that spread like wildfire?”
Mary Lou stepped from the podium. “That doesn’t mean you throw up your hands and say, what the hell, I have no control anyway, so I might as well drink a pint of whiskey, cheat on my spouse, and stop caring about my reputation. It’s all about learning to let go and stop trying to control everything because you’ll lose.”
Ugh. Learning to let go.Emma had set me up. I took a deep breath, willing myself not to shut out Mary Lou.
“I want to introduce you to a term I learned while studying Stoicism.”
The slide on the café board changed:
Dichotomy of Control
“What is the Dichotomy of Control? It’s the idea that we have little control over our external world and events. What we have control over is our judgments, desires, actions, and reactions.”
Mary Lou held up her finger. “Many people misinterpret what I’m saying, so let me clarify. You have little control over what happens, which sounds disempowering, but it isn’t. The Dichotomy of Control is one of the most empowering concepts I’ve ever embraced.”
“I see the skeptical look on some of your faces.” Mary Lou smiled. “Hear me out. There are two reasons it is empowering. First, remember, I said control, not influence. You should continue to make a choice that may influence a better outcome. In other words, don’t drink a pint of whiskey daily and expect your liver to come out unscathed.”
Mary Lou paused, letting us absorb her words before continuing. “But it’s not influence that is the key concept, atleast for me it isn’t. What’s empowering is it allows me to stop focusing on the bullshit or noise coming at me every day. I can stop giving away my power and my energy to those things I can’t change.”
“Sounds a lot like the serenity prayer,” someone called out.
“Yes!” Mary Lou said. “There are many manifestations of this idea. Different terms used, but they’re all the same concept. Which isstopwasting your time and energy, both physical and emotional, trying to control things you can’t. And that, my friends, is what we’re going to explore today.”
“So you’re saying, we should Elsa that shit,” someone else called out.
As Mary Lou stared with a puzzled expression, two women behind me belted out the words toFrozen’stheme song.
Mary Lou laughed. “I’d never thought of it that way, but with a few tweaks, I could get behind that.”
“How about the Let Them theory?”Helena asked.
“You guys are good,” Mary Lou said. “That’s another manifestation. You’ll find that nothing I say is new. For instance, Stoicism has been around since 300 BCE. Most of the self-help books you’ll pick up today aren’t original. My talk today won’t be unique. It’s just timeless truths packaged in different ways.”
Mary Lou paused and looked out at the audience, seemingly making eye contact with each person in the crowd. “All the wisdom in the world won’t do any good if you don’t apply it in your life. So my objective today is to help you discover ways to use these concepts in your own lives.”
