Page 144 of No Such Thing as Serendipity
“You’re not listening.” She resorted back to her calm delivery. The pain in her eyes was gone, replaced by a hollow stare. “I won’t get into another situation where I could lose control again. This is where I belong.”
I studied her for a moment. “Oh, my god, how did I miss it?”
“Miss what?”
“After the sharing circle, I overheard the exchange you had with Dana.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“She accused you of having a frozen heart.”
“After all this time we’ve spent together, that’s what you think of me?” Robyn’s tone held a hint of anger, but she maintained her tranquil expression.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t. Just like you never believed my façade.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Color dotted Robyn’s cheeks, telling me she wasn’t as emotionless as she appeared.
“My relentless ambition and drive were how I kept myself from feeling. While you maintain control by hiding behind a mask of peace and serenity.”
“But you screwed that all up.” Her words didn’t feel accusatory, just resigned, and her dull eyes showed a spark of emotion.
“I did.” My anger subsided, and I took a step toward her.
“It was just supposed to be fun.” Robyn crossed her arms over her chest and hugged herself. “That’s what we agreed to. No strings, remember?”
Something inside of me shifted. I’d changed from the person I was when I’d come here. My previous self would have mounted my defenses, but I didn’t want to do that with Robyn. This was too important. I moved toward her. This time, she didn’t back away. I put my hand on her shoulder and looked into her eyes. She held my gaze. As much as I yearned to wrap her in a hug, I needed to see her expression when I spoke the words I was about to utter.
“I remember,” I said. “But then I went and fell in love with you.”
She stared at me, and tears streamed down her cheeks. I wondered if she even knew she was crying. She hugged herself tighter, but she didn’t break eye contact with me.
Even though I wanted to embrace her, I stood, not moving, waiting for her to respond. Despite my growing discomfort, I refused to allow myself to become guarded, so I took a deep breath and let my arms fall to my side with my palms up.
“I’m afraid for what happened in San Francisco to ever happen again.” Her voice was so soft I had to strain to hear her.
“So you came here to escape?” My tone was gentle, not accusatory.
“No, to heal.”
“Have you?”
“For the most part. I’ve never lost control like that again. Until…”
I waited for her to continue. I wouldn’t fill the void with unnecessary words.
She swallowed hard. “Until that day when we danced in the woods.”
I wanted to protest that the situations were nothing alike, but I remained quiet, giving Robyn the space to speak.
“I know it wasn’t the same, but I still felt out of control. And then we started this.” She waved her hand between us but thenfolded her arms around herself again. “I thought I could handle you leaving, but it hurts more than I could have imagined.”
“I know.” I nodded and gave her a sympathetic smile. “If I had to do it all over again, I still would. Would you?”
Pain flashed in her eyes. Then she looked away from me.
Fear gripped me. Was she about to tell me she wished this had never happened?
Without warning, she turned and threw herself into my arms and whispered in my ear, “I love you, too, Blake.”
