Page 106 of No Such Thing as Serendipity
I recoiled, and in a voice I didn’t recognize as my own, I screamed, “Leave me alone! I did the fucking best that I could. I did the fucking—” My sobs cut off the rest of my words.
I was unclear about what happened next.
There was a frenzy of activity.
I crumpled to the stage floor.
Someone yelled for the curtain to be closed.
I put my arms over my face, trying to block out the world.
Hands touched me.
Emma?
No.There were too many hands.
I peeked between my arms.
Robyn’s concerned face.
They helped me to my feet.
Annie. Katlynn. Helena. They surrounded me.
A pale Emma with tears streaming down her face.
Tears rolling down Robyn’s cheeks.
Sobs that sounded more animal than human escaped me.
My feet shuffled as they led me from the stage.
My knees buckled.
Robyn was there to hold me up. All of them were.
CHAPTER 30
My rubbery limbs trembledas Emma and Robyn led me from the stage. Blood pounded in my ears, and voices filled the air. Everyone spoke at once, or at least they seemed to. All my villa mates surrounded me like a security detail as they guided me to a small room backstage.
As soon as I sat on the battered leather couch, my body shook, and tears streamed down my face. My heart beat so fast I feared it was going to burst through my chest. I tried to calm my breathing, but my nose was plugged. It sent me into a panic. I gasped for air, trying to escape the claustrophobic feeling of not being able to breathe through my nose.
“It’s all right,” I heard someone say.
Emma? Robyn? I was having trouble discerning.
Someone sat next to me and put their arm around me. “It’s okay, Blake.”
But was it? Thirty years of grief, of bottling up my emotions, threatened to escape. If I could only push it down, but my chestwas too full. Air couldn’t even get inside my chest, so there wasn’t room for anything more.
My thoughts were irrational, but how could I make them stop?
“I think she’s hyperventilating,” someone said. I believe it was Annie.
“I’ll go get some water,” someone else said.Katlynn?
Robyn’s face appeared as she kneeled in front of me. “Blake, it’s okay. You’re safe, but I think you’re hyperventilating. Why don’t you lean forward?”
