Page 82 of Leather and Longing
But the more independent Adam became, the less Paul would have to do.
Adam sat on the bed, his stomach roiling, breathing deeply. It was as if some self-destructive part of him couldn’t bear to be happy and was leaking pus into his soul, seeping from a partially healed wound, spreading its corruption. He clenched his hands into fists, as though this would stop the venomous flow, and forced himself to think about the two of them the previous night.
Paul’s reactions had been honest, even raw. Adam had been honest, too, when he’d shared his liking for sex. If Paul hadn’t wanted them to continue having sex, he could always have declined.
He’s a horny twenty-five-year-old whose boss wants to have sex with him on a regular basis.That was like giving a kid the keys to the sweet shop Paul had mentioned. And to cap it all, Paul had shown a fascination for BDSM and lo and behold, said boss turns out to be a Dom.
It worked out perfectly for him, didn’t it?
Adam’s heartbeat raced, panic clawing at this throat. He put his head in his hands, elbows on his knees.
I need to stop this, now.
He’d realised it wasn’t going to be easy—one didn’t sink as far as he had, simply to throw off the layers in one swift action—but he’d really thought he was past this.
It was never going to be that easy, coming back up into the light.
Adam took a deep, cleansing breath. It had taken Paul’s arrival to show him the way out, to make him realize he need not climb the staircase, he had only to find the door that was hidden from him, obscured by the overwhelming sense of loss that had permeated his life.
Paul had brought something vital into his life, something Adam had let slip away from him, in the belief that it could never be his again.
Hope.
“Coffee’s made,” Paul said from the doorway. “And—” His voice broke off. “Adam, are you all right?”
Adam swallowed hard past the lump in his throat. “I’m fine.” He prided himself that there was only the tiniest trace of a crack in his voice. “I think I need some this morning.” He gave a half smile.
“You sure you’re okay?” Paul’s voice softened. “I know this is huge, dealing with all these changes, but you can do this. And I’ll be there with you.” Adam heard genuine warmth. “Don’t worry, yeah?”
That hand around his heart unclenched. Paul had guessed incorrectly, but there was no doubting his intent: he sensed something was wrong.
“Just having a bad moment.” Adam gave a shrug. “It’ll pass.”
“Well, I’m sure this will make your day,” Paul said with a snicker. “Dean can’t come today.” There was a pause. “He’s busy.”
Adam gave a hiccup and promptly burst out laughing. “You were right,” he said, grinning. “I needed a laugh.” He struggled to regain his composure. “Did His Majesty give any indication of when he would belessbusy?” The nerve of that jerk.
“Apparently, tomorrow morning,” Paul told him.
Adam groaned. “Great. That’s all I need to spoil my birthday—a visit from Dean.”
There followed a moment of silence. “It’s your birthday tomorrow?”
Shit.
Adam had hoped to let it pass without fanfare. “It’s just a day,” he said. “Leave it.”
Paul chuckled. “Yeah, right, like I’m gonna do that.” Another pause. “Will Mrs. Lambton be visiting, too?”
“Not if I can help it,” Adam growled. When Paul laughed hard, Adam let out a sigh. “It’s been great these last few weeks, not having her coming here all the time. Maybe she finally took the hint that everything was fine and she didn’t need to keep checking up on me, now you’re here. I shouldn’t be like this, I know, but it’s not like we were ever close. She was fifteen when I was born. I was the annoying, bratty little brother.”
Paul smothered a snort. “No. Really? I don’t believe that for one minute.”
Adam stared in his direction. “You might need to work on your delivery, because you werethisfar from sincerity.” He held thumb and forefinger slightly apart, a distance of no more than the thickness of a cigarette paper. His belly chose that moment to grumble. Adam groused when Paul laughed yet again. “Of course I’m hungry. I was rather active last night, remember?” He lifted his eyebrows.
“In which case, I’ll go start the breakfast.”
His heartbeat quickened. “I tell you what. Get everything ready, and I’ll help you make it.”
