Page 12 of Leather and Longing
It was then, sprawled on the rug with the taste of blood in his mouth, that a treacherous thought had slipped in.
What if someonehadbeen here?
Not to pity him, not to hover, but simply to witness. To steady him if he fell too far.
Today, Paul had been in the house, working in the kitchen. He’d been upstairs too: the creaks above Adam’s head were testament to that. And Adam had ignored him. Pretended he didn’t exist. Because acknowledging him meant acknowledging Adam couldn’t do everything alone anymore.
That was the truth of it.
Paul was different. He’d made more of an impact than all the others put together.They’dbeen all too eager to help him, hovering about him. They’d spoken to him with voices cloyed with sympathy and forced brightness, until Adam had wanted to scream at them. Paul had given as good as he’d got, but more than that, he’d made an effort. That compilation of speeches had been inspired.
Paul didn’t cluck or fuss like the others. Neither did he narrate his every move in a bright, brittle tone that grated likeglass. He simply moved around the room with a kind of quiet certainty, shifting thingsjust enoughso Adam wouldn’t stumble, but never announcing it. He’d left space where space was needed. He’d respected the silence Adam wore like armour.
And Adam had hated him for it, because that silence was harder to push away than any false cheer.
Now, the house was empty again. Silent, yes, but not peaceful. The silence pressed against him in a different way, jagged and hollow. He told himself having someone else under his roof had unsettled his routine.
The ache in his chest whispered otherwise.
He’d tried to make Paul leave. He’d sharpened his words to razors. And yet, here he was, unsettled by the possibility Paul might not return.
Adam ground the heels of his hands into his eyes, darkness blooming behind the lids.Why does it matter?Hewantedto drive him away. That was the plan. He had no need for a companion, no need for a stranger to see him stumble, to witness every weakness.
So why did the thought of that car not turning back onto the drive in the morning feel like defeat?
The phone rang, cutting through his reflections, and he concentrated on the mechanical voice issuing from the machine as it translated a text message into speech.
Hi Adam, Caro here. I trust all is going well with Paul. If you need anything, let me know and I’ll be there.
He shuddered. Caroline coming there was the last thing he wanted. If he had to listenone more timeto her telling him that there were places on the island where he’d be better off, more facilities, more people around him, Adam was going to….
Yeah? What will you do? Whatcanyou do?
Paul lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, arms folded under his head.
So much for getting out from under Dad’s feet.
He’d arrived home, his bags clutched in his hands, and had had to explain things hadn’t gone according to plan. Once he’d gotten his parents to understand that no, he hadn’t just lost his new job, but that he’d be staying with them for the foreseeable future, his dad had relaxed. After dinner, however, Paul had been subjected to the ‘so when do you think you’ll be able to afford a place of your own?’ discussion. Like he had an answer. He’d retorted that maybe this particular topic of conversation could wait until he’d actually been paid.
This is a nightmare.
His phone trilled. Paul answered when he saw Taylor’s name. “Hey.”
“God, you sound cheerful.”
Paul wassonot in the mood. “Listen,you’dsound like me if you’d had the day I’ve had.” He filled Taylor in on the events so far.
“Aw, that’s crap.” Taylor sounded as gloomy as Paul felt. “What are you gonna do?”
“Consider my options. And if it continues, think about quitting.” He wasn’t sure what else he could do.
“Maybe my news might make you feel better.”
“What news?”
“We’re having a party!” Taylor announced cheerily. “Not sure of the exact date—right now we’ve a couple of dates in mind—but I’ll let you know when it’s all sorted. It’s gonna be soon, though. And youarecoming, okay? In your best gear, no less. There’ll be alcohol, a barbecue, alcohol, music, alcohol, guys…” He snickered.
In the back of his mind, Paul heard alarm bells. “What are you up to?”
