Page 71 of Texts From My Exes
Holy shit. I banged my best friend.
She rolled to her side, turning away from me, and for a second I wondered if she was dreaming of someone else.
I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could and padded into the living room. My phone sat on the counter like it was mocking me. Normally, I’d call Harper about something like this. But it was Harper.
So I called the next best thing.
My brother.
He answered on the second ring. “She said you’d call.”
I froze. “Me? Who?”
He chuckled. “The old ball and chain. And before you say anything, yeah, I know I’m not allowed to call her that, but let me have one, okay? Just one.”
I groaned. “Oh dear God?—”
“Relax, you’re on speaker now. We’re vicariously living through your drama.” There was laughter in the background. “So. We took bets.”
I scrubbed a hand down my face. “Bets?”
“You totally slept with her, didn’t you.” She piped up I could imagine her dancing on the bed while simultaneously asking my brother to pay up. “I mean, I knew you would after that makeover I just knew it plus she’d have to be blind not to like you, it would be like not like OZ!”
“Oz?” I repeated. “Like the Wizard of Oz?”
My brother sighed heavily. “She means OS like MacOS this is why we don’t teach her things, she tries to use them in generalconversation, it freaks me out and gets very confusing if I’ve had a drink or two.”
My sister-in-law really was a gem. “Please, it’s not my fault you can’t keep up, it’s why I watch all those TikTok videos so I can understand my own children, I’ve never been happier to know whatGyatmeans and that I have one, it’s an ass Ezra, in case you didn’t know.”
“Yes.” I cleared my throat. “I’m aware, I’ll be sure to rizz you right up later.”
She giggled.
My brother cussed again. “So, what did she say after?”
“Did you talk?” Her.
“Was it good?” Him.
“Errr,” I looked back at the bedroom. “She’s sleeping.”
Dead silence.
“Hello?”
“Bro, um, Ezra, shit, um, man, oh man,” I could feel his disappointment through the phone. “That’s not good man, like, she should not be sleeping like you just sang her a lullaby, she should be sweating like you just hiked through the Sahara naked with no water you know what I mean?”
“But hiking with consent.” She had to add.
“Yes, consensual sweaty hiking.” He said in a bored tone. “Anyway, I’m concerned man, that’s not supposed to happen, is she breathing?”
“Why did I even call you?” I wondered out loud. “And she’s fine, I took care of her alright? And I rubbed her face, and head, and held her close because I l—” I took a deep breath and stared at the door I’d just walked out of. “I love her man. I love her so much.”
Sniffing was heard on the other end. “That’s so sweet.”
“Hey, I tell you I love you all the time!”
“It’s different! It’s Ezra!” Was she hitting him? “I’m so proud of you, but aren’t you freaking out right now? I mean she’s all in dream land and you just blissed out with her and now she’s sleeping and you have all the weight of what just happened just sitting on your shoulders.”
