By the time the bill came, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to kiss him or kill him.
CHAPTER
TWELVE
EZRA AKA VEX AKA HERO AND VILLAIN AKA—IT’S BEEN A LONG ASS NIGHT AND IT’S ONLY JUST BEGUN.
…I know this may be weird but like, you were always brutally honest with me. Is it my personality or my feet? Someone needs to normalize fungus!
–Phred no F
“So upload it,” I challenged.
Harper’s glare could have blistered paint. “Fine. I will. I’ll upload that perfect date with the tits, the dress, the Lila?—”
I cleared my throat. “She’s a human.”
She ignored me. “—and the stupid small talk about favorite pets, and fan clubs, and dying in the rain?—”
I opened my mouth, but she cut me off with a raised hand. “Sorry, yes,and in the snow once, which we’ll count because, oh my god, how romantic was it cuddling your co-star in that fake blizzard,sharing body heat?”
I sighed. “You’re yelling again.”
Her eyes narrowed to dangerous slits. “You showed up as the fake actor and now we have to carry it out like we’rereallydating if they pick you—which they will—because out of all the guys,you could have shown up wearing nothing but a sandwich board that saidEnd of World Imminentand they’d still have been like, ‘Oh, how sweet, he can spell!’”
I burst out laughing. “Please. It’s not that bad.”
She stormed toward me and jabbed a finger into my chest, upload clearly forgotten. “The waitresscriedwhen you handed her your credit card because she thought it was a business card with your number, and when you said I’d stolen your heart, she told me she’d rather die alone than marry someone whodidn’tlook at her the way you look at me.”
I licked my lips. “So… do I?”
She frowned. “Do you what?”
“Look at you that way.” I caught her hand lightly, holding it there.
Her breath hitched. “You’re doing it now—but on purpose. With your… trickery hat full of tricks.”
I tugged her closer. “How hard could it be?”
She made a noise deep in her throat. “Please don’t ask me questions of a sexual nature because my thoughts are not holy, Ezra. Vex has me confused.”
“I’m Vex.” My voice dipped low. “Should I have asked if you wanted to offer me a nightcap before letting myself in?”
She stepped back, tucking her hair behind her ears. “Do you want a nightcap, Ezra?”
I dropped onto her couch, thoroughly enjoying the way she was flustered and moving like a wind-up toy about to snap a spring. “Whiskey sounds nice. And if you’ve got ice… for my tits, that’d be cool too.”
A pillow came flying at my face. I caught it mid-air and tossed it aside.
“Okay, I’m done,” I said. “Do your upload. Let them vote. You keep the apartment. Thank you, Ezra, for sweeping in with your spreadsheets and enormous brain.” I smirked.
Stomping ensued. The satisfying pop of a whiskey bottle opening.
Then—
“I hope you have a small dick. And if you don’t, I’m manifesting it right now!”
I shot to my feet. “Whoa, let’s not just throw things likethatinto the universe. What is wrong with you?”