Page 94 of Paradox
“I won’t be anyone’s burden. You wouldn’t have said what you did before if you didn’t believe I’m getting more than I deserve. So let me stay in here again so you don’t have to go through everyday festering about how unfair it all is.”
“Get the fuck back.” His voice raises and he shoves me when I try to get past. It’s not hard, but it’s too much.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” I scream and slap him as hard as I can.
He whispers, "I didn’t deserve that,” and slowly raises his eyes to look at me.
“I didn’t deserve any of the times you hit me.”
“I know.”
“So why did you do it then?”
“I don’t know.”
“Fuck you, Eden van der Hart. All the way to the fucking moon.”
“Please don’t say that.”
“Why not? You’ve made me feel worse this past week than all the times you hit me combined.”
He straightens out. “Why?”
“You’re kidding, right?” He reaches for my upper arm, but I step back. “You kiss me. We jerk off together. You finger me. Then, for the past five days you’ve practically ignored my existence.”
He steps to me. “No I haven’t.” And the look of confusion on his face baffles me.
“Seriously? You told me that you need to deny yourself to see if you really want me.”
“Exactly.” He steps even closer, and stares down at me like I’m the one in the wrong.
“So you’ve already made up your mind, then?”
“Yeah.”
“And that’s why you’ve been denyingmefor five days? You’re too chicken shit to just tell me you’re not interested because it’s easier than having to live with me afterwards.”
“No.”
“No?”
“No,” he repeats, and throws me over his shoulder.
“What the hell are you doing? Put me down!” I kick and scream while pounding my fists against his back. But no matter how hard I fight, I’ve never been able to get away from him, so why would this time be any different?
Inside the cabin, Eden slams the door shut with his foot and stands me by the coffee table. Grabbing me firmly by my shoulders he tells me, "Stay.”
“Screw you!”
He tears my duffle bag away from me and throws it across the room. “Stay!”
My lips thin and my nostrils flare. “Don’t tell me what to do.”
“Stay, or so help me I’ll tie you to the fucking stairs.”
Crossing my arms like a contemptuous child, I remain in place as he backs away from me and to the cabin door. But the second he’s out of it, I run to the bathroom and lock myself inside.
“Jeon Jintae!” I hear him scream from outside, and my heart pounds so fast I grab my chest.
