Page 44 of Paradox
“Potato and carrots?”
“Potato, beet, sweet potato, and carrot.”
“I don’t eat beets.”
“You will,” he tells me. “They’ll be an hour.”
I continue watching Eden as he walks back past me to the porch. Expecting him to retreat into the warmth of the cabin, he instead holds the screen door open and sits on the right-side bench to pull out one of the crates of beer. The ones I’ve seen him take bottle after bottle out of without ever offering me one.
“You want?” he asks, unwrapping the thermal blanket from around the crate then pushing it with his foot to prop open the door.
“Um… You sure?”
“You think someone’s gonna come out and arrest me for it?”
With a silent nod, I hold out my hand.
Eden pulls the same red bottle opener out of his pocket that he always uses, and pops off the cap before handing it to me. The shock of its coldness against my teeth makes me splutter a little, and I turn back to the fire so I don’t have to look at Eden as he judges me.
“Don’t tell me that’s your first beer.”
“You’ve seen me drink before. I just wasn’t expecting it to be that cold.”
His laugh is like daggers in my back. “Well, it’s outside.”
“I know, okay!” I slam the bottle down beside me and walk to the other side of the fire to put as much distance between us as I can. “I’m not an idiot. But shoot me for being distracted by you actually offering me one after almost a month.”
“I didn’t realize it meant that much to you.” On paper, his words might seem sincere, but IRL, they twist the knives his laugh already stabbed me with.
“I’m just saying, it would have been nice—”
“I’ve already given you half of everything I have. Why the hell do you think you’re hungry all the time?”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t think you are… You might not realize it, but you do a lot of complaining. I brought enough food here forme, and I’ve been splitting everything down the middle. We're lucky all those cans from years ago are still good. And in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m twice your size, so god forbid I take some extra calories.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“You know what, Jin? I don’t know what you mean half the time. You go on with some real cryptic shit, and I’m meant to just decipher it so I know what you want?”
“When have you ever cared what I wanted?”
“How can you be so sharp, and so dull at the same time?”
“And you think I go on with cryptic shit?”
“I feel like I’ve been trying really hard.”
“To do what? You literally just pushed me down the stairs like two hours ago.”
“It’s not my fault you can’t take directions.”
“It’s not my fault you can’t give clear instructions!”
“I’m not yelling at you.”
“But that’s not gonna stop me yelling at you!” Tugging on the neck of my hoodie, I pull it down. “I’ve still got this a week later!” I scream. “How would you like to have a daily reminder that someone choked you out? And what about the bruise on my hip from where you shoved me into the dining table when I didn’t get your coffee quick enough yesterday morning? This isn’t trying, Eden. It’s fucking abuse!”
