Page 102 of Paradox
Deciding better than to set up out in the open, I retract my steps back to the track and dump everything I brought with us onto the snow. Taking the folded camping shovel, I clip all its pieces into place and start digging down to the earth below it.
“Could you please go find some stuff to make a fire?” I ask Jin when he seeks shelter beside me.
“Aren’t we meant to be fishing?”
“Yes Jintae, we are. But ice fishing can be tedious, and without a shelter, it’s brutal under the best conditions. So I want to give you somewhere to get warm if things get too much.”
I can tell by the look on his face that his knee jerk reaction is to bark some snide remark back at me about how I always treat him like he's weak, but he stops himself, swallows the words back down, and takes off the snow shoes.
When he returns with an armful of kindling, he lays it down in the hole I’ve created, and lingers, like he wants to say something.
“What is it?”
“Oh, nothing,” he mutters and turns around.
“Jin.”
He looks over to the pile of tools I’ve unpacked. “Can I have the axe?”
“The axe?”
He waves his hand dismissively, “Forget about it,” and turns away again.
With a sigh at how annoyingly attractive I find his sulking, I pick up the axe and hold it out towards him. “Jin.”
“What?” he says, all crabby, but it quickly morphs into a tight lipped smile when he sees the axe. “Thanks.”
As I watch him walk away, the hunger I have for him that always sits in my chest, starts to bloom with untapped depravity. It’s not a new phenomenon—I’ve done some downrightdisgusting things in my time—yet with Jin, it’s also mixed in with an overwhelming need to protect him.
Shaking all the ideas swimming around my mind out of my head, I take off my snow shoes and focus on digging out a narrow track from the fire pit to the frozen lake.
Once I'm a few steps onto the ice, I brush away some snow.
It really is beautiful when it freezes clear like this. I can see the brown and grey of the stones beneath it even more clearly than when it’s thawed.
Thirty or so yards further out, I use the shovel to push aside a larger area of snow. Not because it’s needed, but because I want Jin to see it. Finishing it off by dusting it completely clear with my hands, I stand back up and call out. “Jin!”
“Yeah?” I hear him faintly through the trees.
“How much longer are you gonna be? I need the axe to make the hole.”
“A couple more minutes, I think… Probably.”
“You’re hopeless.”
“Shut the hell up!”
“No.”
When I get back to the shore, I can hear him hacking at something.
The plan had been to set up the chairs and rod so they're ready for when he finished, but before I load up my arms, I can’t resist sneaking over to look at him.
Following the sound of the axe, I spot him chopping at a fallen spruce. He’s already cleared out the lower branches and is almost one third of the way through the trunk.
“Fuck,” I swear under my breath at how hot he looks; drowning in Tek’s jacket, but digging away at the tree like it’s nothing.
For my own good, I back away.
