Page 51 of Paradox
After several seconds, he collapses back into the sofa and releases a satisfied sigh.
My fingers move closer to my shaft until they're just touching, and it’s pure agony.
I want to come so badly, but I’m too ashamed for him to see me.
He’s so big, and manly.
The way he moves is so primal.
What if he thinks how I do it is weird?
What if—
Before I can even finish the thought, Eden grabs a handful of tissues, wipes them once over his stomach, pulls his pants back up, and like I’m not even there, walks to the bathroom.
Alone, I finally have the courage to spit in my palm. But with the first proper stroke of my starving dick, I moan so loud that I have to cup my hand over my mouth.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I imagine myself slowly sinking down on Eden just like the cheerleader did. I see him grabbing my ass so he can move me up and down. I lay my hands flat on his chest. He tells me I’m sexy. I tell him he feels good, and—
I bite down on my palm and come so hard that my body doesn’t stop shaking for what feels like forever. Cum marks the front of my hoodie, and for the first time, I'm curious. I run my finger through one of the splatters then bring it to my mouth. Licking it, I shudder at the taste, and wonder if Eden's would taste different.
Ipush the broom down the solar panel to clear the snow, then listen to it as it hits the fresh powder at the back of the cabin.
The sun's barely up, but my head is pounding and I couldn't sleep.
I was out like a light the second my head hit the pillow. But when I woke up a few hours later, needing to piss, everything changed.
At the bottom of the stairs I almost tripped over the towel I'd discarded there before traipsing naked up to my loft. Then I saw the DVD case still sitting on the floor by the TV, the box of tissues still on the couch, Jin sleeping where he'd… where we'd… and my delayed post-nut clarity came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks.
For once, Jin did nothing wrong. He followed my lead, and did what he thought I wanted.
And I did want it—at the time.
I felt so free. I didn’t care what I said, or what I did. I didn’t give a fuck if Jin heard me moaning, because I was so drunk and horny and wanted to come so badly without having to hide myself away. But I shouldn't have dragged him into it. I shouldn't have pulled my dick out in front of my best friend's little brother.
I can blame it on the beer, and I can blame it on my unrelenting hormones fighting to control every damn thing I do, but in the end, I'm the one who fucked up, and I can't even look at him because no matter how hard I try to convince myself that it wouldn't have mattered whether Jin was there or not, I know it's a lie.
Him being there is what made it so hot.
He thinks I wish he was a girl, but in all honesty, I don’t care.
It’s not what he is, it’s who he is. And that’s what got me off.
What am I meant to say to him now? Acknowledging it will only make it more awkward, but the alternative is a giant elephant sitting in the room with us.
If the road was clear, I think this would be the card that brought the whole house down. He'd already be in my truck, and I'd have him half way back to his parents by now.
The urge to stomp on the roof and wake him is strong, but I hold back. Giving him a reason to say something to me is the last thing I need.
My phone vibrates in my back pocket, but I ignore it. Nothing good can ever come from a phone call this early in the day.
After all the solar panels are clear, I walk over the porch roof and throw the broom into the clearing Jin made yesterday. It sinks into the fresh snow, but it's not deep enough to worry about. The fire pit is still there, too, and most of the wood is covered in white.
My phone buzzes again, and I take it out of my pocket and sit on the edge of the roof.
"What?"
"I see you survived the storm."
