Page 200 of Paradox
"Your father and I have been worried sick."
"I'm sorry." Again I apologize, and this time it's the truth. I never wanted to hurt them. I never wanted them to worry.
"Is that all you have to say?"
I shrug again; thousands of words filing over in my brain. It's astounding how many different ways I can tell her how I feel, but I can't grasp any of them.
Her nails dig into my biceps as she shakes me.
"The police were at our house."
My head rocks back and forth.
"The neighbors saw. And their questions, Jintae. They still ask about it. Every day I have to keep up the lie that you're still away at college… Are you sorry about that?" She shakes me more violently when I don't answer. "Are you sorry for the rumors? Are you sorry for the hours I spent negotiating with the dean to keep your place open?"
"I'm not going back." I'm certain I spoke, but with how worked up Mom is I really can't be sure.
"You're going to finish your degree, then you'll apply for law school."
"I won't." I know she heard me that time, but she doesn't stop shaking me.
"Don't do this to me, Jintae. Quit being selfish and get your ass back to school."
"I don't want to be a lawyer."
"Well you've got two options." She pulls me close, so close I can feel the anger radiating off her. "You're back there nextweek, or we're sending you to a boarding university in Seoul. Good luck finding time for any ridiculous frivolity over there."
My eyes are stinging and my nose is tingling with how hard I'm fighting to hold the tears back.
My mothers nails curl in, like she thinks the pain will have me telling her what she wants to hear.
"I…" I sniffle; my eyes unfocused because I still can't look at her face. "I'm not going back to college. I'm not going to Korea. And I'm not going anywhere with you."
"Who do you think you are?"
My mouth opens, but the tears start falling.
I want to pull away, but her grip is too tight.
Then, as I twitch on the spot, bigger, stronger hands envelope hers.
"He's your son. He's a man. And you need to start listening to him."
A different kind of tension takes over my mother's body and she pulls her hands back; wringing them together like something dirty just touched her.
I shuffle away from her until my back is against Eden's chest, and I can instantly feel all the love I'd lost touch of.
My eyes rise to my mother's face in time to see disgusted disappointment wash over her when she looks at Eden. "After everything we did for you."
"This isn't the place, Minjee."
"You don't get to call me that anymore."
"And you don't get to dictate Jintae's life anymore."
"And you think you do?"
"No, I don't. But I think you need to take a step back, calm down, and we'll see you at the cafe."
