Page 153 of Paradox
“If you’ve got something to say, then say it.”
“Are you fucking a guy?”
“Well,” I chuckle. “No beating around the bush.”
“Answer the question.”
“Why? Are you jealous?”
“I’m…”
“Don’t get all homophobic on me now.”
“I’m not homophobic!”
“So why ask the question?”
“I mean… We…”
“I can like pussyanddick.”
Her inflections turn snide. “I should have known.”
“Why? Cause I didn’t object when you asked if you could stick a vibrator in my ass?”
“Well, if it quacks like a duck.”
“Do you have any idea how stupid you sound?”
“You’re the one fucking a guy.”
“And what about it, Shawn? You were fucking one of my best friends.”
“I didn’t love him.”
“And I don’t love you!”
“If you were so happy to be rid of me, then why run away? Why not just stay there for a week to let me get my stuff out of the apartment?”
“Because I wasn’t running away from you!”
Fuck!
Escaping here never had anything to do with Shawn. Jin was the one I was running away from: Christmas at his house without the barrier of my relationship. Being forced to face my sexuality head on. And, yes—fuck it—back then, I didn’t want to be called gay. But now I don't give two shits. Let people call me what they want.
“Look, Shawn. I’m in love with someone else, and that someone else is a guy. I’m bisexual. I didn’t realize it before, but I am. Do with that information what you will—tell all of Broadrock for all I care.”
“How can you be in love with someone else so soon?” I almost feel bad for how much her voice is shaking.
“I guess, when it’s right, it’s right. When you find your person, you just know.”
“You were my person.”
“No I wasn’t.”
“And I thought I was yours.”
“I wouldn’t have been pulling away, and you wouldn’t have been getting dicked down by someone else if that were true.”
