Page 116 of Deep In Love
Winning the lottery is statistically improbable, but discovering Mateo feels statistically impossible, like the universe played its part. He was right in front of me for two years, and I never saw him, not how I do now.
“He’s magical,” I say wistfully, trying to pour the rest of my wine into my mouth hole while lying down. Half of it dribbles onto my chin, and I swipe it away. “He’s got a magic schlong, too.”
I jerk my hips up, and the chorus of giggles that follows loosens my tongue further. I wish Vivian and Sofía lived in Rhode Island. Amy would love them.Ilove them.
“I’ve seen a few ding-a-lings in my day—not that many, but at least six—and his is the nicest.” The room grows eerily silent. Good, they’re paying attention. “Just the right size.” I hold my hands up so they have an idea. “But best of all, he knows how to use it. He gives a wonderful wienering.”
Once you’ve had a good wienering, you really can’t go back. Your mind—and vagina—are open to all the possibilities, and you’re ruined for life.
Mateo has ruined me for life with his perfect dick.
I need more wine to come to terms that I’m dick-whipped.
“A wonderful wienering?” a deep voice purrs, full of amusement and male pride.
“You traitors!” I fly from the bed, pointing an accusatory finger at Vivian and Sofía, who are silently laughing, beet red and wiping away tears.
I’m wobbling toward them, ready to give them a piece of my mind.
“You two let me wax poetic about his wiener while he wasin the room?” I practically screech. Mateo snorts, and my hand whirls out to connect with his chest. It morphs into a grunt. “Is the sisterhooddead?”
“Please don’t stop on my account,” Mateo says, his cocky smile fully formed.
Screw him, and screw his infuriatingly attractive dimples that appear at the most inopportune of times, making it painstakingly difficult to focus my thoughts. I’m supposed to be annoyed with my friends, but the dimples pop and I’m a sucker, so I focus on that long enough for them to scramble toward the door.
“He snuck in,” Sofía yells, collecting the wine bottles.
“It was too late. You were on a roll,” Vivian says, then extends her palm for a high five. “Glad you’re getting dicked down.”
The alcohol tamps down my annoyance, so I slap my palm against hers.
Mateo grabs my waist, steadying me as I stumble from the force.
“See you later,” Sofía screams. I don’t know why. Maybe wine makes her loud?
She tries to slip out the door but slams into Jett’s chest.
“Jett is going to help you back to your room,” Mateo says. “Goodnight, ladies.”
A chorus of goodbyes fills the air as the door clicks shut, and then it’s just Mateo and me, his grip still tight on my hips.
His head dips to rest on my shoulder, his chest rumbling with laughter. “How much wine have you had?”
“At least a bottle.”
I try to escape from his clutches to hide in the bathroom until I can look him in the eye after tipsily admitting he has a dick and knows how to use it.
“And would you say you’ve been satisfied with yourwienering?How would you rate it on a scale from one to ten? One being ‘worst wienering ever’ to ten being ‘his wiener makes me astral project.’”
His voice cracks, and when I glance in the mirror, his face is a fire-engine red from the strain of holding back his laughter.
I slip out of his grip but don’t make it far before I’m ripped from the ground and spun around.
“‘Wonderful wienering’ is going right beside ‘smells like a summer breeze’ on the list of my favorite compliments. You really know how to stroke a man’s ego, bruja.”
“I hate you,” I grumble, but my annoyance cracks when he spins me again, his laughter filling the cabin.
I could get drunk on the sound.
