Page 80 of A Play For The Heart
“It’ll be alright,” she whispers into my ear as she rubs my back, soothing me.
I pull away, wiping the tears from my face. I attempt to give them both my best ‘I’m okay’ smile. It’s not very convincing, but neither says a word. Maren moves back to her spot on the couch when Jack says something that sparks hope in my chest.
“He’s—well, he’s trying. I think.” I can feel the kernel of hope blossoming inside my chest. I try to squash it, because hope is a dangerous game, and my heart can’t afford any more damage. It didn’t mean much when Declan said it, but it does hearing it from Jack. “Be patient, Sawyer. I think—well, Ihopehe figures it out. You both deserve happiness.”
I nod, unable to speak in fear that the wish Jack is right will come tumbling from my mouth.
“I better get going,” he says, shoving up from the couch and moving towards the entryway. “Catch ya later Maren baby.” He winks before walking out the front door.
Standing up from the couch, Maren grabs my empty wine glass, refills it, and fills her arms with snacks. She hands me the wine glass and dumps the snacks in front of us.
“Wanna eat our feelings and watch television?”
“Ugh, yes. Pass the goldfish.”
The both of us settle into the couch, wrapped in blankets, stomachs full of snacks, and the sweet buzz of wine dulling the heartache ever so slightly. She scrolls through old episodes of River Monsters, our current obsession, selecting one set in the Amazon. Neither of us even enjoys fishing all that much, but we both find watching Jeremy Wade catch the weirdest-looking fish exciting.
After about three episodes, I turn to Maren. “Thank you.”
She looks at me confused. “What for?”
“Trying to help. Calling Jack. Having my back.”
Maren pauses the show, turning towards me on the couch. I can see the seriousness in her face. “I consider you my best friend, I would fight a dragon for you. No more thanking me. You’d do the same thing.”
“You’re my best friend, too.”
“Damn straight,” she says, her confidence after saying something heartfelt making me laugh. “Now, let’s get back to watching Jeremy Wade traipse through the jungle.”
I huff a laugh, turning my attention back towards the T.V. For the past week, I’ve felt like shit. There’s no point in trying to sugarcoat it. Henry broke my spirit, bringing back up feelings of being unlovable. I don’t think that was his intention, but the feelings were dug up, nonetheless. It’s a feeling that can easily drag me under. Coupled with the heartbreak Henry dished out at the same time and the combination was nearly lethal for my self-confidence. Maren and Natalie threw me on a life raft and dragged me back to shore. An act I can never repay them for. The security in knowing I have two solid friendships even when the rest of my world has seemed to crumble makes everything more bearable. The two of them, my stained-glass window on a rainy day, bringing beauty and joy into my life even during the gloomiest of times. They say you know when you meet your people, the ones who always have your back. No matter what.
I’ve met mine.
CHAPTER 33
“Don’t speak for some time to find those words inside yourself”
Anyway—Noah Kahan
Henry
Thelightsofthestadium. The sound of the cheering fans. The pressure to perform. Everything about a game like this would send anxiety coursing through my body. The moment I would walk out of the tunnel, the sensation would hit me all at once, nearly causing my knees to buckle. Now, as I nearly waddle toward the sidelines, the anxiety is nonexistent. Without me, the team managed to make it to the semi-finals. Win one more game and the Mavericks are in the Super Bowl. I’m proud of them but watching your team from the sidelines is a humbling experience. One I wouldn’t recommend.
I look on silently as special teams line up, preparing for the kick. Boston won the coin toss and chose to defer, giving us the ball first. The moment before the ball is kicked, the stadium goes silent. Only for a split second. In that moment, the possibilities are endless. The fate of the game isn’t decided. The second passes and the noise drowns out any thought. With the ball caught on the twenty-five-yard line, special teams run off the field and the offense takes their place.
I knot forms in my stomach as I scan the line, noting where I should be standing. In my place, a different wide receiver stands at the line of scrimmage. I keep scanning the line, noticing Jack and Deon. Even Declan.
A tiny part of me wants to wallow in the feeling of not being out on the field, but I recognize how unhelpful that would be. I’ve been trying to shift my focus to what I have, instead of what I'm missing, so I throw myself into being another cheerleader. If I can’t be out there in body, I might as well be in spirit. Every time the new receiver catches the ball, I’m the first one cheering him on. When the running back gains yardage, I’m yelling compliments. Hell, when Declan has a touchdown at the end of the first quarter, I’m the first one to congratulate him when he makes it back to the sideline. At that interaction, Jack raises an eyebrow. I simply shoo him off and keep up my energy.
I’m behaving like a helicopter parent at a youth soccer game. All I need is a shirt that says ‘football parent’ and I would nail the role in any movie. I’m fired up. Even not being able to play, I’m having fun. Enjoying myself. It’s not a feeling I’ve had on a football field in a long time.
Longer than I want to admit.
The first half flies by as I clap and cheer and guffaw when there are flags. Some of my teammates watch me, confused, while others join in. At the half, we're up by seven, and we have the momentum entering the locker room. Chatter is bouncing off the walls with players making suggestions. Discussing different plays and how to adjust to the defense. You can feel the buzz of energy in the players. The belief they could win starting to trickle in.
The room quiets when Coach Barrett and the other coaches walk in. His face is unreadable. We’ve played an admirable half, but there’s always room for improvement.
“That,” Coach Barrett starts, tapping the whiteboard with his marker, “was an impressive half of football, boys.” Players' heads swivel, looking at each other, nodding at each other. Coach Barrett continues his speech. “While you’ve played well on the field, what I’m most impressed with is the teamwork. The camaraderie I’m seeing. You’re playing for each other. That’s what I want to see.”
