Page 54 of The Run Home
“No, thanks.” I filled a glass with ice and water and took that to the living room instead.
He cocked his head, but didn’t say anything. He sat down and took Vivian from his wife, continuing to feed his daughter a bottle while he tickled her feet and made her smile. Colson and Tully arrived, busting through the front door with their two dogs. Hayes moved slowly, lying down at Colson’s feet when he sat on the opposite couch. The puppy ran for Georgia, making her shriek with happiness. Mom got Georgia and the puppy set up in her room on the bed, cookies, television, and a rawhide bone keeping them company.
When everyone was back in the living room and looking up at me as I paced the room, I unloaded.
“Shae is pregnant. The baby’s mine. I asked her to marry me yesterday and she said no. What the hell do I do now?”
There were gasps and shocked looks, but everyone got on board quickly. Mom, especially, seemed happy about this news. She jumped to her feet and hugged the stuffing out of me and then whacked me on the back of my head like I was still eight years old and testing out swear words for the first time.
“Hey!” I rubbed my head.
“That’s for making me a grandma again.” I only stared at her like she’d lost her mind. She rolled her eyes, looking just like Kinsley. “The hug, that is. The smack is for doing this all backwards. I swear, I’m glad Shae turned you down.”
“Hey!”
“You should show her you plan to stick around and help out,” Tully offered.
“Ideally, you’d move in together at the very least. Those middle-of-the-night feedings can wear a new mom down,” Emmerleigh added.
“Do you even know how to change a diaper?” Colson asked.
I shot him a look. “Do you?”
Colson stroked the ugly mustache he’d regrown recently. “Hey, I’ve delivered a baby on the side of the road before. I think that makes me more qualified than you.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “I have a daughter already. I know kids take a lot of work and time and attention.”
Mom threw her hands out, shutting us all up. “What doyouwant for your life, son?” Her emphasis was clear. She wasn’t asking what everyone else thought. She wanted to know what I envisioned for my life, something I’d been giving a lot of thought to in the last few days.
My answer was easy now that I’d given it thought. “I want a happy family, like the one you and Dad provided for us boys. I know it looks different and I’m a little later in life than most people, but I’d like to think coming back here is at least giving Kinsley a glimpse at that life.”
“But how do you feel about Shae?” Tully looked around at our assembled family. “This is the first I’m hearing about you and her being an item. Was this a one-night stand with an oops? A relationship? What?”
This was when old-me would normally throw out a joke to break the tension and divert attention from the question at hand. But I was doing something fuckin’ different with my life right now.
“I’ve been seeing her. Secretly.” I gave Mom side eye. “Mostly sex, sorry, Mom. But I also really like Shae. I respect her.I’ve always looked out for her, even when we were kids. I feel protective of her. I want to be part of this baby’s life but also part of hers.”
“Kinda sounds like you love her,” Colson drawled.
Tully rounded on him. “But it isn’t enough for him to love her. He’s gotta beinlove with her. She deserves nothing less.”
Emmerleigh interjected, her voice soft. “Are you ready to put your desires to the side and be who she needs in her life right now and in the future?”
I thought about a life without Shae. I’d already tried living that life, and while it was fun and fulfilling in many ways, I always circled back to her. I donated a cool million anonymously to build the gymnasium and weight room when I heard she was back at Blueball High as a teacher and volleyball coach. Just to make her life better. I kept tabs on her over the years, even when I shouldn’t have.
“You know, I’m not sure that I’m not in love with her,” I said quietly, thinking out loud.
Warrick handed Vivian back to Emmerleigh and sat forward. “Wait a second. That was a lot of double negatives. Are you in love with her or not?”
The epiphany was almost as hard-hitting as the moment Shae confirmed she was pregnant. I sat my ass down, right there in the middle of the living room floor.
“What is love exactly? Wanting to spend every second with them? Wanting to see them succeed with everything that matters to them? Wanting to grow old with them? Wanting to keep other men away from her? Wanting to see her smile, no,needingto see her smile every day? Caring about her happiness more than your own? Is that love? If so, then yes, I’m in love with Shae.”
Mom sniffled loudly. I looked over to see her wiping her eyes. “Mom…”
“What?” she said thickly. “Not every day I finally see my knucklehead youngest son get his shit together.”
Tully laughed, and I glared at her. She just shrugged, like,we were all waiting for you to get your shit together.
