Page 47 of The Run Home
The girls knew about my history with my ex-husband. Knew my struggles with fertility. Knew he’d blamed me for not being able to have the large family he wanted.
Rosemary put her hand on mine. “I think you should take a pregnancy test just to make sure. You’ve been having sex and they aren’t failproof.”
“I’mnotpregnant,” I reassured her.
She stood anyway. “Field trip! Let’s go buy pregnancy tests!”
Fifi stood with a whoop. I looked over at Lydia, begging with my eyes for her to intervene and stop this nonsense. She just tilted her head and gave me a look that said it might not be a bad idea. The two ladies left, promising to be discrete and back in a flash.
Lydia leaned over after they left her house. “What cycle day are you on?”
I pulled out my phone, surprised to see my hands were shaking. They had me thoroughly freaked out. I pulled up my app and was shocked to see it said day thirty-six. That was a fairly long cycle, even for me.
“Oh, shit,” I mumbled, the very blood in my veins freezing.
Lydia and Hattie both stood at the same time to hug me, the three of us staying just like that until the girls were back, purchases in hand. We went into the bathroom as a group, a stack of tests lying on Lydia’s counter.
“Take all eight,” Rosemary said. “One can be wrong, but not eight of them.”
I peed in a paper cup Lydia gave me and then called for the girls to come back in. I stuck all eight tests in the pee forthe designated time on the instructions and then we waited. Rosemary had a stopwatch going on her phone. We didn’t even get halfway through the allotted time before some of them started turning positive.
Stars dotted my vision. Breathing was impossible. My limbs went numb and suddenly I was on the floor of the bathroom, my best friends sitting down with me, holding me upright. Rosemary’s phone dinged and she brought all eight tests down to us.
Eight positive tests.
“Well, take that, ex-husband,” Lydia said in her deadpan voice.
“Oh fudge sticks,” I murmured, thoughts absolutely spiraling. My hand went to my permanently slightly rounded belly. “I’m a thirty-nine-year-old single teacher. What am I going to do?”
Hattie took both my hands in hers, squeezing tightly. Normally she was so quiet she was forgotten in a loud room. But her eyes were fierce right now. Voice strong. “Whatever you want to do, Shae, we’ll do it with you. I can call clinics and get you scheduled or we can rotate who lives with you and helps you raise this baby.”
“Whatever you need, Shae. We got you,” Rosemary echoed.
“I work from home,” Fifi offered. “I can be on daytime duty.”
“I have a ton of accrued vacation time,” Lydia added. “If you want to go the clinic route, I can take care of you afterward.”
The panic ebbed just the slightest bit. As I looked around at the fierce faces of my best friends, all of them willing to adjust their lives to help take care of me, I burst into tears. They dog piled on top of me, all soothing voices and comforting arms. It took me a long time to stop crying, but when I did, they were still on the floor of the bathroom with me.
My ride-or-die best friends.
“I love you, ladies,” I said through another wave of tears.
I eventually got my shit together enough to stop crying and get off the floor. The rest of our meeting was discussions about what I wanted to do. I hadn’t made a decision yet and they assured me that thinking it through was the smartest thing to do for now. But what I did decide was that they couldn’t tell a soul. With four pinkie fingers all wrapped around mine, they swore as a group to keep my secret.
The drive home was a blur. I probably shouldn’t have been driving in my mental state, but of course, I swore up and down to the girls that I was fine and therefore got myself into this position. I stumbled into my house, the one I’d grown up in with two loving parents who were thoroughly prepared for a baby, and fell into my bed. The pillows and sheets smelled a bit like Boon now, even though he never spent the night. Tears pricked at my tired eyeballs again.
Boon.
The tears immediately receded. I rolled over and stared up at my ceiling, contemplating Boon’s reaction to this news. I thought back to his statements about Kinsley. About how he was a terrible father and he needed my help. We’ve been so caught up in the sex the last few weeks, I haven’t turned my attention to his relationship with his daughter.
I knew, in the deepest, darkest depth of my soul, Boon wouldnotbe happy about being a father yet again.
He’d think I tricked him into it. Or that he was stuck in the same position he’d been with Kinsley’s mother. Had we forgotten a condom one time? Had a condom failed and neither of us noticed? Boon was months away from being done raising Kinsley and now he’d be saddled with a newborn. I knew he was a good man somewhere under all that bravado, and he’d take responsibility for the baby, but he’d hate me for putting him inthis position. Once again, I’d be living next door to a guy who resented me. This time with a baby between us.
My hands were already cradling my stomach. I tilted my head down to where the baby must be. I didn’t know if he or she had ears yet but I opened my mouth anyway.
“Hey, little one,” I said, voice shaking and so breathy I could barely hear myself. “I think…” I trailed off, my heart somehow cutting off any words that could possibly be said. I squeezed my eyes shut against the onslaught of emotion but there was nothing for it. I lay there, gasping up at the ceiling for long moments. When stars overtook my vision again, I had to force myself to engage in box breathing to calm myself down.
