Page 21 of Backroom Boy
I ran a hand through my hair, uncomfortable with the question as it was the one that had been bouncing around in my skull all weekend long.WasI in love with her?
“Kind of feels like I am, but how do I know for sure?” I asked Jayden. He and my sister were nauseatingly happy together. If anyone could tell me, it would be him.
Jayden got a soft smile on his face, reaching over to hold Lenora’s hand. “If you say something mean to her in the heat of the moment and it makes your throat burn to have said those things to her. Or if she winks at you and your heart stops beating. Or her laugh makes you feel higher than all the clouds in the sky. Or her eyes fill with tears and you’d literally do anything in the whole world to make her smile again. I’d have to say those are all indications that it’s love.”
Lenora made some sort of weird peep and then she was sitting on Jayden’s lap, their lips smashed together. I groaned and my mom laughed. Dad’s face turned a mottled red even though he never took his gaze off the ocean. Red, having seen this a lot, barreled right into them, wanting to be part of the huddle.
While they were occupied, I thought about what Jayden said. There was a lot of truth there, though it was Delta’s dimples that had me on my knees. Biting her lip made me crazy. And I liked her conversation and presence even when getting naked wasn’t on the menu. I even got that gushy feeling when I thought about her brain and how smart she was. If I was getting turned inside out over a girl’s brain, ithadto be love, right?
“Fuck,” I muttered loudly.
“Lukas!” Mom chided.
“Sorry, Mom.”
When Jayden and Lenora came up for air, Lenora turned her attention back to me. “Hey, don’t let this get you down. You’re a good man, Lukas Murphy. You deserve a good woman who can see through the zeroes on your bank account. And if you love her, you don’t have to rush anything. Let everything run its course. You’re young yet. Talk, be honest with each other, and just see what happens.”
I stood up and ruffled her hair like when we were kids. I knew she hated it and it was just the thing a younger brother does. She slapped at my hands, but there was a smile on her face.
“Thanks, big sis. You’re not so bad at this advice crap.”
She grinned and smoothed down her hair. “Glad you think that. Because I’m going to need to be good at it.”
We all looked at her in confusion. What was she getting at?
She looked at Jayden and he looked at her. At his nod, she exploded. “I’m finally pregnant!”
Mom nearly fell out of her chair getting to Lenora and pulling her into a joyous hug. Dad was slower, but he made it over there too. I gave Jayden a hug, not surprised to see tears in his eyes. He loved my sister better than I could ever have hoped for. I gave him some shit when he fired her, but he’d come around and redeemed himself.
“Congrats, Lenora.” I gave her a hug once Mom finally let go. “You know Lukas is a really good name for a boy.”
She punched me in the arm and then we just smiled at each other. Jayden pulled her against him and kissed the side of her head like she was his whole world, Red held in his other arm. Dammit, my eyes started burning too. See? This was what I wanted with Delta. A whole life built together.
I needed to get back to Merlot and see if she was on the same page. See if she was ashamed of me or if she simply didn’t know what to do when two parts of her life came together unexpectedly.
The drive back early Monday morning was a good one. I’d left Merlot with anger thrumming through my veins. I was returning with cautious optimism. The way I saw it, I’d had the weekend to remember who I was. To solidify what I wanted in life. And if Delta wasn’t the one for me, it would hurt to cut ties, but I’d do it because I knew what I ultimately wanted.
I headed straight to the winery, pulling up with exactly thirty seconds to spare before I was late for work. I ran in, grabbed an apron and got going on the dishes, ignoring Delta’s staredown from the inventory job she was doing.
“When you’re done there, Delta, let’s have you work with Rosie in the tasting room.” John swept through the back room. “Lukas, let’s have you head over to the growers and get started on that side of things. You feeing better, by the way?”
I nodded, feeling guilty for calling in sick on Friday. Taking sick days was a rarity for me. “Yeah, I’m good. Thank you.”
“Awesome. Have a good Monday, guys. Let me know if you need anything.” John headed out to do all the other things he did besides manage the summer workers.
“You were sick on Friday?” Delta said across the room, the clipboard forgotten. “Was it bad? You didn’t answer my texts.”
“No, I’m okay, I promise. Maybe we can chat tonight after work?” I had a sink full of glasses that needed washing and I really wanted to get out to the field for the first time to learn that side of the business. Besides, our conversation might be a little intense and I needed more than a few stolen moments in the back room with her to say all the things I wanted to say.
She sighed, but nodded. “Okay. After work for sure. I’ll meet you at the pool house?”
“Sure.”
When her back turned and she resumed inventory, I took a long moment to drink her in. The way she kept pushing a piece of hair out of her face while she concentrated. Her checkered Vans that said more skater girl than sorority girl. I’d missed her while I was gone. And I hoped like hell she was falling for me just like I was falling for her.
* * *
I jiggled my keys in my hand while I waited for Delta. I was bursting with the knowledge I’d gained from working in the fields that day. My brain was in hyperdrive and a big part of me wanted to share it all with Delta, but we had to resolve things between us first.
