Page 41 of Mom-Com
“Okaaaayyy.”
I rolled my eyes. “I know I’m not making sense, but everything makes total sense in my head finally. I loved the idea of being with Shawn. Being together forever, building a home, having kids. It was everything I always wanted. Except I did it with the wrong man. He did me a favor by leaving. He gave me a chance to actually have everything I’ve ever wanted with the right man.”
“Now you’re making sense. That’s essentially what I was asking you last weekend. Why are you so certain that Jameson can’t possibly love you?” Gabby’s voice came out fast, almost like she had the phone pressed to her face in her excitement.
I flopped onto the couch, too flabbergasted to keep my legs under me. “Oh my God, Gabriella.”
“Right?”
“How could I be such an idiot?”
Gabby laughed softly. “Honey, you’re not an idiot. You’re just too busy watching your Disney movies to understand a fundamental truth about yourself.”
My stomach started fluttering, not nauseous like I’d been all week, but excited. Like I had everything to look forward to again. “I didn’t believe Jameson loved me because I thought I was unlovable. I believed that because Shawn never loved me like that, no other man could either. I’m not some beautiful princess in a fairy tale. I’m just a mom with stretch marks and cellulite and worries keeping me up at night, trying to find happiness like everybody else. But, Gabby, I’m not unlovable at all. I’m quite fucking lovable. I’m the most lovable love thing that’s ever been loved. I just hadn’t found the right man yet.”
“Yes,” Gabby whispered, then louder, “Yes!” Then much calmer, “Wait, you said that past tense. Does that mean you’ve found the right man now?”
The fluttering gained force, blowing off the dust from my heart, making it beat wildly, passionately. “I’m not entirely sure. Maybe. Possibly. I’ll never find out for sure if I don’t take a chance. He said he loves me. He’s seen me in my ugly mom bra, juggling my kids, stressed about work, stumbling around trying to catch a man with my ridiculous list. If he can love me like that, he must truly love all of me, right?”
“So, are you going to wait for him to sweep you off your feet?” Gabby, the holder of my secrets for my whole life, knew me like no one else. Knew my dreams of Prince Charming coming for me. But that dream just felt old and stiff, like a shirt worn and washed too many times over the years. It was time to take it off for good. Time to find a new shirt.
“Nah, that’s for fairy tales. I’m gonna go sweep him offhisfeet and see what happens.” I fiddled with my sweater, nerves and excitement mixing together and bringing back every drop of energy I’d lacked all week.
“Want to help me come up with a plan?” I needed reinforcements. I couldn’t afford for this to turn out like my attempts at finding a man, ending in embarrassment.
“Oh Lordy, don’t tell me we’re gonna make another list,” Gabby grumbled.
I burst out laughing. “No! No more lists, no more ridiculous ways to meet men. I’ve met him already. I need a plan to make sure he knows how serious I am about us. I’ve ignored the man for a week and a half after he poured his heart out. I gotta make this good, so good he’ll forgive me and give me another chance.”
“Okay, let’s think about this. He’s a scientist, so we need to approach this practically.”
“I could buy him another one of his precious sweaters.”
“No, that’s not enough. Not a big enough statement.” Gabby hummed while she thought.
I snapped my fingers. “I got it! I’ll write an essay on love. Every scientific fact about it, where it comes from, how we feel it, how one feels it in the body. Like proving love exists and I know that’s what I feel about him.”
Gabby snorted. “That’s the weirdest way I’ve ever heard to woo a guy, but considering your particular man, I get it. Probably wouldn’t hurt, but maybe just explaining everything to him would be good too. Tell him how you feel and why you ran away.”
I gulped. “Yeah, honesty is probably the best policy.”
I just had to quit being a chicken.
A car door slamming had me jumping up and running to the front window. Jameson’s ex was back, parked at the curb and leaning against the car while she waited for Stein.
I kept snooping like the crazy neighbor I was and saw Stein, loaded with a stuffed backpack, give Jameson a big hug by their front door. Stein got a big smile on his face and then fist-pumped his dad. Jameson watched them leave before spinning around and going back in his house.
I had to hurry. A whole day without either of our kids meant I needed to write that essay right now and find the courage to face him no later than this afternoon. This conversation required privacy and the time was now. As single parents, we had a small window of childless time. I’d better use it to my fullest advantage.
Fingers trembling and heart pounding, I sat at my breakfast table with my laptop and pounded out an essay to win back my chance at love.
18
Jameson
I took deep breaths to keep from puking right on my new dress shoes, the brown oxfords that complemented my new charcoal gray suit perfectly. My grand gesture was underway, no chance to turn back now, and I was straight terrified. Rejection was a distinct possibility. Humiliation would be its close cousin.
All week I’d been making phone calls and setting things in motion, all with the idea of sweeping Lily-Marie off her feet just like she’d dreamed of since she was a little girl watching a Disney princess movie for the first time. For a guy who wasn’t so great with his words, I’d had frank conversations with more people than I ever cared to do again. But nothing was too much for the woman I loved. Even my own possible humiliation.
