Page 7 of Mom-Com
Be involved in civic affairs
Be athletic
Be helpful around the house
Do unexpected nice things often (flowers, candy, etc.)
Be well-read
Have a good, steady profession
Learn to dance, especially the waltz
Don’t scold children too harshly in front of an attractive female
Suggest going clothes shopping on your date
Prepare your own breakfast or even breakfast for her!
Be neat in appearance—shoes shined, hair combed, shirt pressed
Be courageous, not a sissy
Eat whatever is served without complaining
Give swoon-worthy movie kisses, not a peck on the cheek
If girlfriend is ill, call from work to inquire about her health
Compliment her incessantly
Don’t be a bookworm, talk to her!
Hold her coat, open doors for her, help her into and out of chair, stand up when she leaves the table
Pop a button off your shirt so she can sew it on for you
Keep tools in your car so if you see her on the side of the road, you can swoop in and fix her car
When Stein’s mother had called the night before and asked to spend the weekend with him, my first instinct was to say no. She’d missed the last two times she’d been scheduled to spend time with him. Plus, how about giving me advanced notice, huh? But then I saw the laminated list on the table, which was just the motivation I needed to tell her yes. Of course, I hadn’t told Stein until this morning when I’d texted her and she’d confirmed she was in the car, on the way over. I needed some adult time to get started on my love experiment.
When I turned around to walk back into the house after making sure Stein was in the car with his seatbelt fastened, I saw some movement in the front window of my neighbor’s house. Considering I’d seen her kids getting picked up the night before, I knew she was the only one in the house. Plus, the bright blond hair shining through the glass had given her away.
So, she was spying on me, huh? That would do just fine to start my experiment.
I went back inside and changed out of the clothes I’d just gotten into. Step number two on my list was begging to be enacted. Despite the fact I usually had my nose in a science textbook or something equally intellectual, I did enjoy athletic pursuits. A few years back I joined a colleague for a bike ride and found myself hooked. I was hoping my tight cycling jersey would be just the thing to turn the lady’s head.
Once my shorts and shirt were on, I had a tough decision to make. I could go out barefoot, but that didn’t seem like the best idea when it was fifty-five degrees outside, but the only footwear appropriate would be my cycling cleats. Anyone who’d ever worn bike shoes knew those suckers were hard to walk in. They had a stiff sole and a metal cleat smack-dab in the middle, which made for comfortable riding, but walking in them left the rider looking like a drunk flamingo. You couldn’t really push off like in a normal gait with the metal cleat hindering natural movement. Not really the impression I wanted to make, but barefoot seemed even worse, so cleats it was.
I went out through the garage and grabbed my bike off the hook I installed that week. Rolling it out to the driveway that butted up against my neighbor’s property, I flipped the bike over and prepared to grease my chain in full view of her front window. I even zipped the front zipper down a bit on my shirt, making sure my manly chest was displayed to its full advantage. I didn’t want to brag, but I had a muscle or two thanks to good ol’ Dad’s genetics.
Before long I saw the blind move on the front window again. My heart started pounding in my chest, but I remained steady, pretending my whole focus was on my bike. I was just spraying some more lubricant on the chain when her front door cracked open and she sauntered out.
“Oh!” Her hand fluttered to her chest, like she was surprised to see me there.
I had to admit, her acting skills were quite good. If I hadn’t seen her spying on me from the front window just moments ago, I would have believed I’d startled her. Instead, I smiled at her and lifted my hand in a wave. Time to start my experiment.
“Hello! I’m the new neighbor,” I called out.
