Page 45 of Lines We Cross
He took a few deep breaths and then pasted on a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He held his hand out to me, but I didn’t reach to grab it. I was frozen, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It always did. First, it was Max leaving the day after our perfect first kiss. Then it was Emerson’s diagnosis and then rapid decline until he was gone. If life’s storms came in threes, this was it. The third shoe to drop to end all disasters.
“Ready for some breakfast? I’ve got egg whites and oatmeal. Perfectly healthy, just like you like it.” Max clapped his hands like the burst of energy could rid the air of the heavy weight created by that phone call.
I shook my head slowly, dread filling every space in my body. “No. Tell me.”
Max froze. He stared at me, like he was finally seeing me and noticing the downward spiral I was in. He lunged forward and pulled me into his arms. My spine didn’t bend, my expression didn’t soften. His hugs were magical, but even they couldn’t pump some hope into my limbs this morning.
“It’s nothing, Rae,” he whispered.
I shook my head more vehemently now, staring him down and not missing the way he flinched. “Itissomething. Tell me.”
His eyes crinkled at the corners in a weird grimace. “Just Coach calling to tell me that one of the third base coaches for the Sliders had a heart attack yesterday.”
Add confusion to my dread. “Why would he call you about that?”
Max pulled back, the space between our bodies more than a couple inches. I couldn’t help but feel it was a chasm, a gaping space that separated him from me. We stood on two different sides of a huge divide.
“He said they need someone to fill the position as soon as possible and depending on his recovery, maybe permanently.” Max rubbed the back of his neck, his gaze dropping to the countertop beside us. “Seems like he’s unofficially offering it to me.”
I nodded slowly, all the old beliefs about me being able to have a future with Max clicking into place again. I stepped further back, my brain scrambling over just one thing. I had to get out of there, fast, or I’d break down in front of Max. The old adage kept running through my brain “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.”
Shame on me for trusting in Max yet again.
“Where are you going?”
I blinked and found myself in the doorway of the kitchen, my retreat happening without my brain fully functioning. Or maybe it was functioning way too fast, spinning my thoughts out of control.
“I, um, forgot about something I need to take care of.”
Max frowned. I didn’t wait for an answer to a ridiculous statement that was flimsy at best. I turned on my bare feet and ran back up the stairs to throw on jeans and shoes. I threw the rest of my stuff in my bag and headed back downstairs. Just as I got to the last step, I realized I didn’t have my car. I’d come home in Max’s truck.
Max stepped around the corner of the kitchen, his jaw doing that flexing thing that told me all too well he wasn’t happy. Well, he could just join the club. He held up his hand and spun his set of keys around his finger.
“Need a ride?”
I tried out a smile and gave up when it hurt too much. “Yes, please.”
The car ride back to my clinic was short, thank goodness, but also incredibly uncomfortable. I didn’t say a word and neither did he. In fact, he hadn’t even glanced my way the whole time he drove. The least he could do was be sociable with me for a few minutes, even if he had no intention of staying in town or continuing whatever relationship we’d started. One phone call and he was back to pretending I didn’t exist.
He swung into the parking lot and shoved it into park right next to my little car. He tapped his thumb against the steering wheel and then spun in the seat. His eyes were hard, cold glass.
“I don’t know what’s going on in your head right now, but talking about it is probably the best thing, don’t you think?” His voice was drawn tight, the words carefully spoken.
My gaze betrayed me, sweeping down his chiseled jawline and taking in his broad shoulders and muscled arms before I could wrestle it back to his face. Even now, while I was incredibly angry at him, I ached for him to hold me again. For those eyes to soften as they gazed at me. I watched his jaw twitch as he ground his teeth, probably angry he had to waste time talking to me when he could be packing up his stuff and moving to Texas to take on this new job. I couldn’t reconcile the angry man in front of me with the sweetness he’d shown me these last few weeks. The disparity brought tears to my eyes, ones that burned hot and promised even more were to come.
I fumbled with the door handle and climbed out, slamming the door and racing to my car before the dam broke. He already stole my heart. I wouldn’t let him also take my dignity. Without even checking my mirror, I backed out of the lot and headed home.
My phone started ringing before I’d even pulled into my driveway. Oddly enough, it wasn’t Max. It was Lacey and then Ava calling me, one after the other. I put the car in park in front of my house, the tears already falling like rivers down my cheeks. I grabbed the phone and put it on speaker, not even sure who it was.
“Hello?” I sobbed.
“Oh, honey,” came Lacey’s throaty voice. “Are you home?”
“Yeah.” I couldn’t get more words out.
“I’ll be right over and so will Ava. Hang on, sweetie.”
She hung up and I dragged myself into the house, angry Max was turning his back on everything we talked about last night so easily. Angry I’d let myself fall for him all over again.
