Page 36 of Lines We Cross
“I’m good most days.” She swallowed again and I realized there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t give up to take away her grief. If only it worked that way. “Some days are harder than most. I still have moments where I’ll pick up the phone like I’m just going to call him to chat.”
Mom clucked. “Oh, he was a good boy, Emerson. I know he was a good big brother too. I still can’t believe he’s gone. So much life left to live. I can’t imagine your grief, honey. It hit all of us hard too, seeing as how us parents felt like parents to all you kids. Only thing to do is to continue on. Emerson would want that.”
Mom reached behind her to the china hutch and grabbed a box of tissues. She took one and dabbed her eyes while offering it to Rae. She took one and held it in her hands in her lap. Her knuckles turned white. I reached over and covered her hands with mine. After a second or two her shoulders dropped and she released a shaky breath.
“I haven’t really wanted to talk about it to be honest. I’ve just been keeping busy as much as I can.” She gave a watery smile to Mom. My chest ached seeing her try to be so brave when she was obviously hurting. A side car of guilt hit me as I realized I should have been here for her. Not for Emerson as he didn’t want that, but I should have taken care of her.
Dad’s eyes were suspiciously misty. “Grief needs stillness to process. To let it roll through you. I can promise you won’t break, Skylar. And if you feel like you will, that’s what we’re all here for. To love you through it.”
I felt more than heard the sob. Rae rolled into me, her face buried in my chest as she cried. I held her tight and wondered who had held her the last year while she grieved over Emerson’s death. I certainly hadn’t been there for her and I vowed to change that. We’d both buried ourselves in work when we buried Emerson. It was time to stand still for a bit like Dad said.
After several long minutes, her sobs began to quiet. Mom grabbed some tissues and held them out for me for when Rae was ready. When she blew her nose and wiped her face, she still didn’t want to look over at my parents. To me she looked more beautiful than I’d ever seen her. She looked raw and real. So very human and capable of a love that wrecked you when it was gone.
“I think I ruined your shirt,” she whispered to my chest.
I shrugged and kept my arm around her. “I’m sure I can find another ten-dollar T-shirt.”
“Well, there goes my reputation!” Mom said loudly. She winked at me and went on. “I invite people to my house for matchmaking purposes and they end up sobbing. It’s official. My matchmaking days are over!” She threw her hands dramatically in the air and I loved her all the more for lightening the tension and making Rae feel comfortable.
“Thank goodness,” Rae and I said at the same time.
And like the sun always comes up the next day, laughter filled the house once again.
14
Skylar
I slid out of Max’s truck, barely landing on the dirt parking lot before he was by my side. My tears had soaked his shirt in one large spot near his shoulder. It had dried since then, but I still felt embarrassed for having lost it at his parents’ home.
“Stop it.”
I looked up at Max’s face to see his serious eyes despite the smile on his face.
“What?”
“I can see every emotion written on your face. Quit feeling weird about crying. We all cried with you. It’s just another emotion and as normal as laughing.” He pulled me into his chest and I went willingly, loving that spot that felt like it was carved out just for me.
“I hate crying,” I said into his chest. “But what I hate more than crying is gulping back tears and trying to pretend everything’s fine.”
His big hands smoothed up and down my back, offering comfort I was finally willing to accept. On a friend level, that is. His mom may want us to be more, and Max may wish for something else too, but I was certain I couldn’t trust him. Max meant well, but he had big dreams and aspirations, ones that more than likely took him away from Nickel Bay and away from me.
Car tires crunched over the dirt and rocks, alerting us to someone else joining us at the high school football field parking lot. Texts had been flying all day and plans for a tailgating party had emerged. There was no game, but since when did that stop the youth of Nickel Bay from planning a tailgating party?
“Yo, Duke!” Heath’s booming voice had me stepping away from Max.
Heath stood a few feet away in dark jeans and a structured jacket over a button-up shirt. I’d never seen him at work, but I could imagine him being an imposing figure as CEO. It was more than just his size. It was the way he carried himself, the way the very particles of air around him seemed to jump to do his bidding. Ryder and Jase climbed out of the low-riding Mercedes and flanked him. The whole crew of them were so good looking it should be illegal for them to stand together. They’d been the talk of the town all four years they went to high school. Now that they were back, I would bet the female tongues were wagging again.
Max went down the row, giving them hugs and back slaps. Then they each came over and hugged me, murmuring their hellos while Max eyed them, a severe frown wrinkling his face.
A familiar truck pulled up holding Ava, Kadee, and Lacey all in the front bench seat. They waved and hopped out as soon as Ava got the huge beast in park. She loved that truck she’d inherited from her dad, spending hours each week working on it and tinkering with the engine.
Another truck pulled up to the start of our circle with a tiny sedan beside it, more youth of Nickel Bay showing up to have some fun without the prying eyes of the older generation. We were steadfast in not allowing anyone under twenty-one in our little group. The last thing we needed was a visit from Sheriff Post. He took his sheriff duties seriously what with his ancestors being the family that founded the area. I’m sure it was a joint effort, but the Posts liked to think it was all them and the sheriff was no different.
Max left my side to pull down the tailgate of his truck and slide a cooler out of the back. Ava fired up a wireless speaker and went to her tried and true tailgate playlist. She added to it all the time, but I’d been to so many parties with her I knew that playlist by heart. At some point in the evening I could bet on Lacey taking hold of the music situation and putting on old-school country, but for now she let Ava get away with a mix of pop and country.
Someone else pulled out a stack of mismatched folding chairs, setting them up in a large circle inside the ring of tailgates. We all grabbed our drinks of choice and got busy talking with each other, sharing how our week went and the latest gossip. Max and his three friends were a hot commodity. Everyone wanted to find out if they were back for good, what they’d been up to since high school, or simply get a selfie with Max for their Instagram. I was reminded yet again that Max was an exceptional athlete. A household name.
Some of that warm feeling in my chest from baring my heartache to him left in the face of his stardom. How could someone like him, so used to being in the spotlight and on television, expect to be happy in a small town where the latest gossip was about who got caught making out at the Bigfoot Festival? More likely that he’d get back in the game, get traded to a smaller team and have at least another five years in the league before he became a coach for a professional team. Sitting on the front porch with me in a little map-dot town? Highly unlikely.
