Page 25 of Lines We Cross
“For treating you so horribly since you’ve been back. I thought you abandoned Emerson and I hated you for it.”
He was silent for a long time. I figured he wasn’t ready to forgive me and that was okay. At least we were talking again and had sorted out our business. I was proud of myself for allowing him in, but not handing over my heart. Accepting him as a friend was one thing. Letting him break my heart a second time was not something I planned to do, even though he didn’t turn his back on Emerson like I thought.
When the last of the sunset faded to black and the streetlights flickered on around us, he lifted his head and kissed my hair.
“I’m sorry too, Rae. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend to Emerson. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend to you. If you’ll let me, I’d like to make up for that.”
My heart swelled and I told it to settle down. Friends. That’s all we were and that’s all we’d ever be.
“You got it, friend,” I assured him.
After a few seconds, he laid his head back down on mine and we stayed that way until we were both too cold to stay outside.
10
Max
Coach A:Traded for Santo. Call me so we can discuss if you’ll be back this season at all.
I threw my phone down, not at all satisfied when it just bounced off my bed unharmed, anger burning through all the stress and grief I’d felt for the last few days. My team wasn’t going to just use the second string third baseman we already had on the team. They’d done an in-season trade to get one of the best third basemen in the league. Which felt a whole lot like they planned to get rid of me permanently whether I healed from this injury or not.
My chat with Rae two nights ago had only added to my stress levels about my career. Ten percent? I had a better chance of getting hit by lightning than I did of regaining my position as a professional baseball player. Talk about a blow.
Honestly, clearing the air about Emerson might have been healing, but it had also felt a lot like ripping off a scab. The pain of losing him was acute all over again. Yeah, I’d been at the funeral, but what I hadn’t told Rae was I’d left right away and been playing a game the very next day on the other side of the country. I dove headfirst into training and playing, using my pent-up feelings as fuel on the field. I’m sure that wasn’t a healthy way to grieve, but it had worked at the time. Maybe what it had actually done was just delay the grieving.
Now the elephant was back on my chest and my energy was nosediving into all-time lows. Which was why I decided to skip physical therapy that day. No use going when I didn’t have the energy, nor the chance to even get back to the level I’d been at before. What was the point?
“Max?” Mom bellowed out in the hall “You up?”
I rolled my eyes and scrubbed my face with my hand. The only good news in my life was I’d heard back regarding the offer I’d made on a house last week when Dad and I went house hunting. Just another week and I’d be in my own place where neither a rooster nor a yelling mother woke me up every day. It was amazing what an all-cash offer could do in terms of speeding along the process.
“What, Mom?” I yelled back.
She flew through my door. “What’s this I hear of you going back to San Francisco?”
“Jeez, Mom. I could have been naked.”
She swatted a hand through the air. “I’m your mother. I’ve already seen that.”
It wasn’t even worth fighting about, so I moved on. “I’m heading to my condo to pack up my furniture so I can officially move into my house the second it closes.”
She frowned. “Don’t you like my pancakes?”
I came over and kissed her forehead. “Ma. I love your pancakes. But I’m a thirty-year-old man. I need my own space.”
She swatted my butt—like only a mother can—with a smile on her face. “Darn right you like my pancakes. I’m just glad you’re officially moving back home, son.”
She swept out of my room, probably planning all kinds of mother-son activities for us, most of which I’d whine about mightily but do anyway because she was my mom.
I grabbed my phone and texted Coach back.
Max:Out this whole season. I’ll have an update soon about next year.
I sat back down on the edge of the bed and tried to focus my brain. I’d slide down into doom and gloom real quick if I wasn’t careful. I needed to get my stuff, move into my place, and then face facts about my future. Coach may not have a definitive answer yet, but I felt it in my soul.
Baseball and I were done.
* * *
