Page 4 of The Marriage Sham
“He’s not in one, Betty,” Harold pipes up, thrusting a finger in the air.
I slide my fingers under my glasses to rub the bridge of my nose, knowing where this is going and hoping I can stop it before it gets rolling. I straighten my glasses and appeal to his good nature. “Thank you for pointing that out, Harold. And it’s true. I’m not in a relationship right now, and I’m okay with it. I’d love for you to be okay with it too. Can you do that for me?”
Harold harrumphs and looks up at the ceiling. I guess that’s as good an answer as I can expect from him.
Betty pats my cheek gently. “You just need our special love potion. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. I’m going to start putting it in your coffee from now on. That’ll fix you right up.” She beams at me like all my problems have been solved.
I grit my teeth and barely refrain from rolling my eyes. The entire town has heard about their “love potion” ever since that couple back in 1975 met here at Lover’s Landing and eventually got married. Now they lay claim to half the successful marriages in town simply because of their special brew.
But if they want to think they’re helping me find the love of my life, then so be it. No harm, no foul.
“Okay, Betty. Sounds like a solid plan. I wouldn’t mind getting married.”
You’d think I told them I found the cure for cancer, the way they both puffed up their chests and gazed down at me with love and affection. I ignore the couple next to me laughing at my predicament. Great, now the news will be across town before I even get home. Newsflash: Fenwick Whittington is looking for a wife!
Betty drops down into the chair across from me, her quickness startling me out of my musings. I had no idea she could still move that fast.
“Fenwick, dear. You need to spiff up your look.” She folds her hands on the table and stares at me expectantly.
I give my head a quick shake. “You lost me, Betty.”
She tilts her head, her gaze less loving now and more ‘bless your heart, you pathetic little thing.’ She waves her bony hand in the air between us.
“This whole ‘look’ you’re going for isn’t working for you. You need to bathe before you come into town. And the dusty pants aren’t doing a darn thing for your bum.”
My jaw drops and I glance over at Harold, hoping for some back up, but he’s just nodding his head in agreement. “My—my what?”
“You heard the woman! Your backside!” Harold shouts, drawing the attention of the whole coffee shop.
A swarm of bees starts buzzing in my head, and I know I have to get out of here before I attract any more attention from the good (but gossipy) citizens of Love, Georgia. I slam the rest of my coffee, deciding that a quick exit is the only way to escape. “Okay. Yep. Gotcha. Bathe and new pants. Will do.”
I back away toward the door, saluting Betty and Harold, which is ridiculous since I’ve never been in the military, but I don’t trust myself to say anything further. I know Earl has been having some issues with dementia, but I’m thinking Betty and Harold might need to see the doctor too. STAT.
