Page 47 of Brighter than the Boss
I'd do more than that.
I'd conquer my demons for her.
"I spent my childhood in foster homes, born to parents too young to take care of me. Then when they had the means, they still didn't come for me. I grew up fast and I grew up hard. Sunny is the opposite of all that. I don't want my darkness to bleed onto her. I don't know if I can change enough to be the man that she needs."
There it was. It was all out in the open for him to judge and find me lacking.
John held my gaze, the smile never leaving his eyes. "You know what I learned after burying eight tiny humans that could have grown up to be anything at all in this great big world?" He paused so I nodded, again, not understanding. "I learned they're born perfect, full of love, always enough, and exactly who they should be. It's us grownups that are lacking. We're the ones who fail them, teach them hate, who instill doubts and fears. Who warp them with our faulty beliefs."
His hand clapped me on the shoulder, staying there, making me feel uncomfortable. My stomach clenched and my throat tightened up. "You were born perfect, Cain. A clean slate. It was the adults in your life that messed you up, taught you wrong. That's on them. But you believing that bullshit now? Pardon my language. That's on you. You have the power to decide differently now. You're an adult without anyone telling you what to think and believe. You want to stay small and believe you're not worth it, then you're right. Let my daughter go. Don't drag her down. But if you do the hard thing, and decide to choose a different path, then I'm happy to call you my son. And for what it's worth, I think you're a good man already. It's just time for you to believe it too."
And with that, he clapped me on the shoulder, turned and walked back to the house, leaving me in the dark.
I stayed there, frozen, trying to comprehend everything he'd said. Going over my choices, wondering if it really was that easy. Just choose something different, just choose something different, echoed in my head, over and over.
I finally sat down in the grass and weeds, my back against the white picket fence around the tiny graveyard, oblivious to time passing. All kinds of thoughts raced through my head about why the universe picked me to be born and not any one of the babies in this ground that would have been loved and adored. Didn't I owe it to them to get my shit together? They didn't have a chance to live this life, I did. And what was I doing with it? Drinking and whoring my way through my youth. I could do better.
Didn't I owe that to Sunny?
Didn't I owe that to myself?
"Whatever he said to you, I promise he meant it with love, Grumpy." I swung my head up and saw Sunny standing a few feet away, a hesitant smile on her gorgeous face.
I grabbed her by the waist as she walked up and swung her down onto my lap, never happier to see her than I was right then. Her squeal of surprise was swallowed by my kiss. I needed her touch, her taste. I needed everything that she was to wrap around me and hold me steady. My foundation was being chipped away and reformed and I was smart enough to know I needed her to be my rock.
"What was that for?" she asked, breathlessly, the hesitation now gone.
"For being a genius. For bringing me to meet your parents. For just being you." My heart was thudding in my chest. The hand that held her hair out of her face was shaking. "That tsunami was a great metaphor for you coming into my life."
Her nose crinkled up and she tried to pull back. "I'm a natural disaster leaving destruction in my path??"
I barked out a laugh, feeling like I was a rookie lifeguard standing on the edge of the pier, being asked to jump into the freezing water far below. "Not quite, Sunshine. Our first sighting scared the shit out of me, but then you flooded into my life and it wasn't as bad as I thought. In fact, you've changed the landscape of the life I'm living. Nothing looks the same. And I couldn't be happier about it."
She cocked her head, that sweet smile back. "Wow, that was quite poetic. You getting mushy on me?"
Laughter bubbled up and even though I knew she would think I'd lost my mind, I let it flow, enjoying the lightness that filled my chest. The way I felt like I could float away and be happy the rest of my life as long as she was here with me. It felt good. It felt cleansing.
Sunny sat there, her arms loosely draped around my neck, patiently letting me get the laughter out, long after it was socially normal to keep laughing. I finally rubbed the heels of my hands over my eyes and tried to sober up. I'd finally gotten her dad's blessing and here I was losing my damn mind. I didn't need to give her any more reason to walk away from me.
"I don't think I've ever heard you laugh like that," she whispered sweetly.
My gaze snagged hers and I didn't ever want to look away. "That's because I don't think I ever have."
Her eyes misted and I was back on that pier, ready to jump.
It was time to choose a new direction.
"I love you, Sunshine." Her eyes widened and I hurried on, too afraid of her response to let her speak. "I'm also scared shitless and will probably fuck this up, many times. Starting with that last sentence with all the swearing."
A tear slid down her cheek and I caught it with my thumb. There'd be no crying over me, ever, if I could help it. She huffed out a breath that sounded half giggle and half hiccup.
"You were right to bring me here. To want me to fix my broken parts before we went any further. I just want you to know that I love you. And I'm on the path to being the man that you deserve, I promise you."
"Cain," she whispered, her body sagging into mine, all soft and warm. "I was trying to be practical and hold out, but it's no use. I love you too. And it makes me so happy that you've opened up to me and my parents. You aren't broken, love. You've just needed some people to love you unconditionally and to call you on your crap. We all need that. And I'm that person for you, okay? We're in this together, figuring it out together, loving each other through it."
I squeezed her tighter and brought my mouth to her jawline, kissing softly across her face, ending at her lips. She was the most precious thing in my life and I would spend the rest of my life showing her just how much I loved her. I didn't know what that would look like, but it would be an adventure figuring it out.
"You think your parents would mind if we got it on in the barn?" I whispered to her, half joking, but desperate enough for her to ask it out loud anyway.
