Page 26 of Brighter than the Boss
"What?" I jammed my hand into my hair, grabbing a fistful and holding on. I twirled around, no longer even seeing where I was going. "What's wrong with her? Is she okay? What did the doctors say?"
An arm came around my waist and steered me back onto the cement walkway. Cain was looking down at me, concern etched across his face even as we hustled towards the Headquarters building in the distance. He kept his arm firmly around me and I wondered if that was the only thing holding me up.
"I don't know yet, sweetheart. The ER docs are in there right now. Told me to wait in the hallway while they ran some tests. She woke up in the ambulance and couldn't remember what happened." He paused. "I don't know what to do, Sunny." His voice broke off, emotion stealing his words.
"Seven minutes," Dean whispered, our pace increasing. I fought to keep the phone to my ear with all the jostling that came with evacuating the area on foot.
"Daddy." I swallowed hard, knowing I'd have to be firm to focus on what was happening on the beach, not thousands of miles away. "It's okay. She's with some very good doctors and they'll figure out what's wrong. I hate to do this, but I really have to go now. I'm in the middle of an emergency. I'll call you back as soon as I can. Okay? I love you."
"Yeah, okay, sorry. I love you too, sweetheart." His voice sounded lost and confused, so very unlike my upbeat dad.
I hung up, my stomach clenched by an iron fist and tears finding their way to my eyes. Of all the days, of all the times for this to happen. Immediately, guilt ate away at me that I hadn't flown out to visit already. Maybe this wouldn't have happened. My dad wasn't exactly a spring chicken. Maybe caring for Mom was too much for him all alone. I should have been a better daughter. I should have thought about them for once, instead of myself.
The tears blurred my vision as we ran, then fell down my cheeks unchecked. Cain kept glancing at me, his face a shade paler than normal. He also kept glancing around, left and right, making sure the beach area was free of any stragglers. I couldn't seem to keep the tears at bay, let alone do my job. Thank goodness Cain was with me, pulling up my slack.
Right as we reached the downstairs garage of Lifeguard Headquarters, Cain pulled me under the overhang and wrapped me in his arms, my face shoved into his chest. I breathed him in and tried to quit crying.
"I'm sorry..." It came out muffled and pathetic. I felt horrible for crying on the job, in the middle of a crisis. I thought I was so tough, so level-headed, and here I was falling apart while he stoically led the way.
Cain made a funny noise, like he thought I was being ridiculous. "Sorry for what? Sorry for having emotions? For your mom being sick? For being scared in a dangerous situation? Hell, Sunshine, I'm scared too and I don't have the stress of family being sick, like you." He squeezed me tighter. "Don't apologize for being human."
I sniffled, knowing I was soaking his shirt, but too far gone to care. I'd never felt like this before: fear wracking my brain, my heart squeezing in my chest, my limbs shaking and out of control. For the first time, maybe ever, I couldn't think of one positive thing in this situation. Not one reason to smile or to let hope breathe life into my body. My heart sank and stayed there.
And suddenly I understood him.
It was like I'd put on glasses for the first time and was discovering the individual leaves on the trees. A whole new world was finally clear to me.
I sucked in a deep breath. Tried to say the words I needed to say.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Maybe you do have it right, Cain. Maybe people are inherently nasty. I mean, instead of helping each other those two guys got in a fist fight and didn't hesitate to hit me too. All my little empowering phrases aren't going to stop this tsunami. All my positive thoughts won't make my mom better." I pulled back and looked him in the eye. "Shitty things happen and there's nothing I can do about it."
The words felt rusty in my mouth, like they didn't belong there. But they fueled the guilt and the fear that was eating away at me. They made a crazy world make sense.
His eyes squeezed shut and his head dropped. Then his arms left my back and I missed his touch instantly. He must hate me for being so naive. For refusing to take off the rose-colored glasses to see things the way they actually were. I'd challenged him like I was superior. Like I knew best. Little old Sunny from Indiana, who'd had the best of everything in life, was handing out life advice.
What a joke. No wonder he didn't want to touch me.
I spun around, desperately searching for the stairs to take me to the second floor. Anywhere without his knowing gaze.
The hand on my arm spun me back around, none too gently. Then those strong, capable hands cupped my face, stilling my movement and forcing me to look him in the eye.
His gaze was fierce, that jaw back to flexing like he was trying to break his teeth. His chest rose and fell, making that quick run on the strand appear to be too much labor for him. Considering his conditioning and performance as a lifeguard, I knew that wasn't the case.
He was angry.
"Don't you apologize for who you are, Sunshine. You're everything that's light and bright and good in this world. We all should be following your lead, helping our fellow man, raising spirits with our smiles and our words. I'm the jackass. I'm the one who's gotten it wrong. I've let bitterness from my childhood take over and cast shadows on everything I do today. That's no way to live." He shook me. "You, Sunshine, have shown me how to live. Don't you ever fucking apologize for that."
I stood there in shock, blinking at him, trying to digest his words. I was confused. I was overwhelmed. I was just a little bit out of my head because Cain was touching me and looking at me like I raised the sun every morning and rode a unicorn to work.
His thumb ran across my bottom lip, contributing to my addled brain. "You're always there to lift everyone else up. Let me be that person for you. Lean on me, Sunshine. I promise I've got you." His gaze darted between my eyes and lips, like he couldn't decide which to focus on. Then he leaned down and kissed me sweetly, gently. No rush, no angst-filled kiss that burned hot. This was slow and steady, his lips showing me that he cared and that he'd be there for me long after the crisis point.
In between kisses, the guilt and shame that snuck in earlier seemed to float away. Sadness and fear were still there, but I didn't feel alone or helpless any longer. Breath was back in my body, giving life to my limbs. The thought crossed my mind again that his mouth really was magical; his kiss and his words could make the entire world disappear, along with all the problems and chaos.
I pulled back with a small giggle. "Thank you, Cain."
He shook his head, his nose brushing across mine. "No. Thankyou, Sunshine."
And then he smiled, that rare expression to cross his face. The one that snuck into my heart and made it flutter, the one that ignited a fire down below and made me ache to explore him further. I reached out and pulled his strong body back into mine, fully intending to kiss him until the end of time.
