Page 10 of Brighter than the Boss
She finally fell silent, staring at me with those huge brown eyes. I continued to stare at her, letting her words roll around in my brain. She had a point, but I didn't know if I agreed with her completely. Nor could I let it go. I couldn't just let her think I'd roll over the minute she decided to reprimand me. I was the boss here, not her.
"What about the theory that if someone's opinion of you is repeated often enough, you'll start to believe it. In theory, if a kid grows up hearing they aren't wanted, they eventually believe it, right? So wouldn't the opposite work too? If a kid grows up hearing they're beautiful, they'll eventually believe it. Wouldn't you agree?"
She dropped her head for a moment, then looked back up at me through the hair hanging in her face. I wanted to touch it, brush it back behind her ear, but I crossed my arms instead, telling my hands to keep to themselves. They'd had free rein there in the locker room and look where that had gotten us.
"I suppose you have a point. But I think what I'm trying to say is that it's far better to let people grow their own confidence in themselves where it's not based on the whimsy of someone else's opinion, which can be given and then rescinded at any time. We're here to help these girls see that they are powerful and capable, that their bodies can do hard things. Their confidence should be built upon sturdier stuff than their looks."
"What's your confidence built on?" The question was far too intimate, but I couldn't pull it back, couldn't turn away from an opportunity to know more, to figure this girl out.
She smiled shyly, looking off to the left, her gaze unfocused. "I suppose it's built on knowing I'm loved. Knowing I'm capable. Knowing there's always a bright side, even when things seem dark."
She looked so sure of herself, sure of her place in the world. At peace with everything. So opposite to everything I'd ever felt. I was no closer to understanding her, other than knowing she'd been perfectly named. Her sunny disposition was as intriguing as it was irritating. Bright sun felt great until you got too much of it and it burned your skin. I was drawn to her, but she was too much light and goodness for my taste.
This little intimate conversation needed to end. I patted her shoulder. "Point taken. I'll tone it down." Then I walked back over to the table and continued pinning bibs on the teenagers, careful to be polite, but not overly friendly. I couldn't stand there and listen to her spew positivity and common sense any longer. Which meant she just spread her cheer to all the kids around us instead. They gravitated toward her and seemed to like her. It didn't pass my notice that the kids liked me too, but only when I was flirting. Sunny got their regard by simply being a ray of sunshine, no flirting or “flippant compliments” necessary.
Not that I'd ever tell her she was right.
When the rush of kids checking in died down, I risked a look in her direction, surprised to find her studying me, not disgusted or dismissive like she'd always been in the past, but not friendly either. More like I was a bug she was trying to identify.
I chuckled darkly in my head. Yeah, good luck trying to figure me out. I'd seen professional shrinks that had given up on me. Agreeing to disagree was the most Sunny and I could hope for. Begrudgingly, I respected her outlook on life and the way she attracted people to her, but that didn't mean I agreed with her or was going to join her over in the land of rainbows and fairy tales.
The volleyball skills clinic started with Brinley blowing her whistle, getting the teens moving through their warm-ups. With my check-in duties done, I sauntered over to Ivan and Dean, relieved to no longer feel Sunny's gaze on me, like a constant laser beam trying to burn its way through my skin. I needed some testosterone around me to counteract Sunny's softening effect.
"Esa said she has another job for you setting up the mats for the self-defense course," Ivan let me know as soon as I joined his group.
Well, of course she did. Guess I wasn't going to be finding any testosterone around here anytime soon. For the thousandth time, I wondered why I'd agreed to show up today. Oh well, at least I was done working with Ms. Sunshine.
5
Sunny
Well, that was a nightmare. Of all the people Esa could have assigned to work with me at the check-in desk, it had to be Cain. He was flirting with high school girls like the immature jerk that he was. And then he had the audacity to blame me for the kiss!
He did listen to my criticism and brought up some interesting counter points though, I did have to give him that. Not that I was attracted to his brain. The deep thoughts had to have been a fluke.
I just didn't understand why my body was attracted to him when I clearly didn't even like the guy. I'd grabbed his arm to drag him away from the gaggle of girls and I'd felt electricity shoot all the way through my body. My tongue went dry and I thought I might drop to my knees in the sand. Which was straight annoying. Bodies should listen to their brains.
And you know what else was annoying? I was normally pretty secure with my looks and had a healthy level of self-confidence, but I was actually regretting my haircut for a few moments there when I saw him brush those girls’ hair away from their backs so he could pin their number on. I mean, what grown woman is jealous of a teenage girl's long hair? Especially when my brain didn't even like the guy!
"Sunny, help me level out the sand over here, would ya?" Esa called to me. She had two metal rakes, standing away from the volleyball courts. She'd said Shasta was going to lead some self-defense instruction to the girls after their practice. I didn't envy the girls getting sand all over them doing it on the beach, but it would be pretty cool to give these teens tools to protect themselves.
I started raking the sand to take away the bumps and valleys, while Esa worked behind me. Sometimes I was still amazed that I was working out in the warm sun all year round, instead of back home in the snow and cold temperatures. I lived in paradise and I didn't see why my parents didn't want to move out here. Maybe that would be my new goal once Mom beat the cancer.
"Hey, Cain! Will you grab the mats out of the back of Shasta's SUV? It's parked in the Headquarters lot." I spun around to find Esa handing keys over to Cain.
Cain frowned. "What're Ivan and Dean doing?"
Esa tilted her head and put a hand on her hip. Uh oh, that didn't bode well for Cain. All girls knew what that stance was all about. "Ivan is there to help with any injuries, Dean is fielding all the balls that roll off the courts. If you didn't want to help, you could have stayed home, you know."
Cain whipped his hands up, eyebrows raised, slowly backing up. "How about I go get those mats?"
"Yeah, why don't ya." Esa gave him an evil smile and I snickered. Cain's gaze sliced to me and if looks could kill... My body watched him spin and walk away, memorizing the way he filled out his shorts and t-shirt, while my brain screamed at me to look away.
"How well do you know Cain?" I couldn't stop myself from getting the facts from Esa once he was out of hearing distance. He seemed like such an ass, and yet, they were all friends with him. They seemed like such a tight-knit group, it didn't make sense.
"Cain? Well, let's see. I met him right after I started dating Ivan, so a little less than a year. He's always a little shithead, but then that makes sense given his background. I don't know the details, but he's told Ivan quite a bit and he tells me his childhood wasn't the best. Cain's always gruff and a total flirt, but deep down, he's a good guy. Solid." Esa turned to me. "Why? You worried about him being your boss?"
All the blood in my body rushed to my head. "No, why would I be worried?"
