Page 47 of Barefoot Chaos
I was going to puke.
I had on the prettiest outfit I'd ever had on, thanks to Bailey doing some shopping for me, and I was going to get vomit all over it. Figures.
My hair was already done in loose curls down my back, which was already a departure from my usual ponytail. But my hands were shaking so badly, I couldn't even get make-up on my pale face. I tried to do a black winged eyeliner which ended in an unfortunate poke in the eye. Then I tried to get eye drops in my eye to get rid of the redness, which just burned like crazy, making both eyes water. Tears streamed down my cheeks unchecked, leaving streaks in my foundation.
I'd have to put a paper bag over my head and cut out a hole to sing through. There was nothing for it.
The doorbell rang, making me jump. I ran as fast as I could to get the door. The tight, black, mermaid style dress didn't allow for a long gait, so it took twice as many steps to get there. I swung open the door and nearly fainted from relief when I saw Esa standing there with her big make-up case.
"Help me!" I cried, rather dramatically.
She took one look at my face and cringed. "I got here in the nick of time, I see."
I grabbed her arm and dragged her in. She set up in my bathroom, telling me to sit on the closed toilet seat and practice my meditation breathing. I tried, I really did, but between the spanx I had on and the fluttering of my heart, I was just happy I didn't pass out.
Esa swiped all kinds of goop across my face, using an endless supply of brushes and sponges. Then she started shoving pins in my hair, jabbing me in the scalp repeatedly. When she was all done, I sprang up and opened my eyes to take a peak in the mirror.
"Oh my God!" I didn't even recognize myself. I looked like a sultry 1930's era singer. My hair was pinned to one side, letting my curls cascade over one shoulder onto the ample cleavage showing, thanks to whatever push-up/platform/girdle thing Bailey gave me to wear. My make-up looked airbrushed on with bright red lips completing the look. The black dress I wore hugged my barely contained curves all the way down to my knees before it flared out in an asymmetrical hemline around my ankles.
Esa was smiling ear to ear like a proud mama behind me. "You look stunning, Hessa."
"I do. I really do," I answered in a hushed tone. I was in awe of what was looking back at me in the mirror. Maybe I could do this.
"Amazing what a little armor does for a woman's confidence, huh?" Esa winked at me, knowing I was scared out of my mind.
I twirled around to hug her, almost lifting her off the floor. "You are the very best. Thank you."
She laughed, hugging me back. "Happy to help. Now let's get your heels on and I'll drive you down to Pacific City."
When we arrived in the parking garage below the courtyard, it took three tries before I hefted myself out of Esa's low car. Between the dress, the stiletto heels, and the butterflies in my stomach I wasn't functioning properly.
"Did you bring the barf bags?" I threw over my shoulder to Esa after I'd successfully climbed out of the car.
She barked out a laugh, not realizing I was serious.
I'd decided in the car ride over here that I was going to go to my happy place. I was going to bury my head in the sand and pretend that this whole thing was happening to someone else. I wasn't sure how psychologically healthy that was, but I figured it might help me refrain from puking on my audience, and that right there was worth it. I'd get professional help later.
With that new mindset in place, I got my music sheets out of the trunk, grabbed my water bottle, and sashayed my glorious ass over to the escalator. Time to face the music. Literally.
The first person I saw when the escalator deposited me at the top, was Kai. He was standing right there waiting for me, dressed in a white linen button down shirt over black pants. In his hands was a huge red hibiscus flower.
"You look incredible, Ono. Good enough to eat." He leaned in close to whisper in my ear. "Which I will do tonight to celebrate." Then he placed the flower in my hair behind my ear. "My island girl."
The man knew just what to say to calm my nerves and make me feel like I could do no wrong. We hadn't said those three little words yet, but I felt the love. I could totally bungle this thing tonight and he'd still be totally into me. That was a beautiful feeling.
Hand-in-hand we walked over to the stage, exchanging hellos and head nods with the people already milling around.
"Quit counting people," Kai said out of the side of his mouth. My jaw dropped. How did he know I was doing that?
"Look here." Kai gestured to the first two rows of seats closest to the stage. They all had reserved signs on them. When I did a double take, Kai clued me in.
"Your girls reserved the seats for them and your sister. Figured if you got nervous, you could just look out at us and pretend the rest of the people weren't even here."
"That's so sweet, and so perfect. I'll have to thank them big time later." I was touched everyone was being so kind and thoughtful. They were thinking of things I hadn't even considered, knowing this was a big step for me. The heavy pressure on my chest eased up a bit, allowing me to breathe a little deeper.
I put my music sheets on the little table up on the stage, checked the microphone height, and talked to the AV guy about doing a sound check. I kept my back to the chairs, letting them fill up without watching it happen and panicking.
Eventually, Kai led me off to the side of the stage and put his hands on my face, careful not to mess up my hair or make-up, but demanding my full attention. My legs were shaking and I swallowed hard. I let all the terror I felt show through my eyes.
