Page 29 of Barefoot Chaos
"Then all is well. Let's eat and then we'll talk, yeah?"
We grabbed our food, sat down at my tiny kitchen table, and talked all about my last few shifts, our favorite foods, the kids I had in Jr. Lifeguards that were also Hessa's students. Basically, we kept it light and purposely danced around the drama from this morning. I was enjoying seeing Hessa's smile and her occasional laugh. She was flat out gorgeous when she laughed. Her eyes would squint shut and she'd toss her head back, letting a smile take over her face. Her laugh was loud, the type you could hear throughout the whole house. It was the best sound I'd heard in a long time.
But all good things must end at some point. When I couldn't eat even one more piece of fish, I gathered up our containers, threw them in the trash and then pulled Hessa to her feet. We walked into the living room and sat down on the couch side by side. I kept her hand in my lap, stroking my thumb over the soft skin on the back of her hand.
"Tell me from the beginning." No point ignoring it any longer. I was there to help her and that meant I needed every single detail about her student.
She sighed, pulling her feet up under her on the couch and proceeded to tell me everything that had happened that morning. I tried to remain calm, but when she told me about Ms. Martinez blaming her for what happened, I had to jump in.
"You know this is not your fault, right?" I squeezed her hand tighter. She met my eyes and I saw they'd filled with tears.
I immediately pulled her onto my lap and hugged her, trying to break through her fog of guilt.
"This is not your fault, Hessa. You can feel badly for Gabe. You can want to help. But you cannot blame yourself. Do you hear me?"
"I hear you, I'm just having a hard time believing it." Her voice came out strangled from holding back the tears.
"Change your thoughts, change your beliefs. So, I want you to start saying in your head that you have sympathy for Gabe. You want the best for him. You want him to come out of this okay. You will do what you can to help him and his mom. You will only accept the part you may have played in this. You will not take on anything that isn't yours to bear. Gabe and his mother must also shoulder their part in this. Don't take that lesson away from them." I pulled her away from my chest to see if she was following me.
Her brows were pulled together and she looked like she was thinking it over.
"It may sound like some bullshit woo woo, but I promise you, your thoughts control how you feel. When my parents divorced, I felt responsible for awhile. I was acting out, not doing well in school, just angry with the world. My dad pulled me aside one day and gave me a lecture. But not the standard parent lecture you'd think. He told me that I was the only person who could change my life. That my thoughts determined my emotions and my actions. I needed to take responsibility for my own life and make it what I wanted. I don't know why it resonated that day, but it did. I couldn't control a lot of things in my life, but I could control my thoughts. So I did. And I started to build the life I wanted." I wound down, unsure if I'd completely lost her in my rambling.
Hessa
I was sitting on his lap, listening to him share about his childhood and what kind of man he was today. I didn't know if it was the full stomach or the warm hugs or the way his hazel eyes burned into mine, but it was like a tidal wave crashed into me, leaving me with only one thought.
I wanted this man.
I wanted to talk to him every day. I wanted to sing with him. I wanted to share the details of my day with him. I wanted to press my body against his warm skin every minute of every day.
Heavens to Betsy! He was a good man. To his very core. And that was flipping hot. I had to taste him. I had to get closer.
I didn't think it through. I didn't analyze a pros and cons list. I didn't weigh the consequences. I just dove in, flying blind and switching my brain off completely. My M.O. was to analyze every detail before making a logical decision about everything from the toothpaste brand I used to the people I allowed as 'friends' on Instabook. I was so far from logical at that moment, I couldn't remember what the word meant.
I grabbed the front of his white polo shirt and pulled him into me, crushing his lips under mine. For one horrifying second, he was frozen. Before I could pull away to second-guess my abrupt veer from sanity, his hands jumped into action by pulling me into his chest, my breasts squeezed between us. Lips moved over mine, pushing my mouth apart, allowing his tongue to dive in and sweep away all remaining vestiges of rational thought.
I was a mass of feelings and sensations, oblivious to the world around me. The world tilted and I reveled in the feeling, not realizing till Kai's body was pressed against mine, toes to lips, that he'd flipped me around to lay back on my couch.
One hand gripped my jaw, holding my face in place while he attacked my lips with a skill I didn't know existed. The other hand was squeezing my breast causing my back to arch in a desperate attempt to push more flesh into his grip.
I was in a Kai frenzy and I didn't care that this was completely out of character for me. I wanted more lips, more skin, more tingles running up and down my spine.
Kai broke away from my mouth, his lips trailing down to my collarbone before dropping to my shoulder and falling still. I lifted my hips, desperate for more friction, shamelessly rubbing myself against the hardness laying on me. My wanton behavior was rewarded inappropriately by his hands leaving my body. Before I could stage a proper protest, he'd pushed up off my body, sitting back down on the couch, my legs over his lap.
I lay there for a moment, forcing myself to breath and come down from the sexual high that left me more frustrated than I'd felt this morning when my boss threatened my job over something that wasn't my fault.
Which was exactly the thought I needed, like a bucket of cold water to the face. I had to figure out what to do about Gabe. My job was on the line. My student was in the hospital. My Care Dare program was on the chopping block. Shit really hit the fan this morning.
And here I was making out with Kai, the gorgeous lifeguard who was probably appalled by my conduct. One kiss on a moonlit beach did not mean he wanted to take things further. I'd practically thrown myself at him, forcing him to make out with me. I knew I was bad at the dating thing, but this was a new low for me.
My face lit up, showcasing my embarrassment for all to see. Kai finally looked back over to me and jumped up off the couch. Great, he was going to leave, disgusted by me.
Instead, he pulled me off the couch and dipped his head to get right in my face, his nose almost brushing against mine, he was so close. His jaw was clenched tight and his eyes looked like they would singe me with a single glance. I deserved whatever he had to say.
"Stop whatever you're thinking in that head of yours. You're an absolute temptress and I intend to see where that leads later on when we have all the time in the world to focus on just each other. But I can't forget what I'm here for. We have to get to the bottom of this incident and save your job first." His face transformed into a sneaky grin, designed to melt panties and inhibitions alike. "Anytime you want to attack me, please know you have my permission and encouragement to do so."
My eyes widened as he spoke, realizing he was as into that make out session as I was. Relief spread through me, not quite eradicating the butterflies left in my stomach, but at least allowing me to crawl out of the proverbial hole in the ground I'd dug when I thought he was disgusted by me.
