Page 36 of Barefoot Chaos
When I had myself under control, I opened my eyes and cupped her face with my hands. Her eyes opened wide, unsure where I was going with this. I had her attention finally and I was going to make myself clear.
"What I know, Hessa, is that we're so compatible you're scared out of your mind. We both want something long-term and that want is so intense you think you have to shut me out now before you get hurt, because it couldn't possibly work out. Well, guess what, Ono? I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to prove to you exactly how good we are together, both now and forever. So run if you'd like, but I'll chase you down. Mark my word."
Then I kissed her quickly, released her, and went to grab my things. When I was on my way out the door, she still hadn't moved away from the counter, just staring out the kitchen window, deep in thought. I was hoping those thoughts would lead her to the same conclusion I had about our relationship, but if I knew Hessa, which I believed I did, it would take further convincing before she changed her stubborn mind.
Hessa
I went into school Monday morning, my stomach a mess of nerves about the day ahead of me and another feeling I couldn't put a name to. If I had to guess, it was a loathsome mix of sad, lonely, scared, and disappointed. I'd stayed busy all day Sunday in a vain attempt to keep my brain from analyzing where each of those emotions came from. I had a sneaking suspicion I was more than a little pissed off at myself, but chose to remain steadfast in my practicality and focus on my job instead.
I had just entered the main hallway of the high school when the admin office door opened and our school secretary called me over. Her face didn't hold its normal cheer. When her eyes wouldn't meet mine as I got closer, I acknowledged this wasn't a good sign. I followed her through the maze of small meeting rooms till we got to the Principal's door. She opened it and gestured for me to go in.
Mr. Brown was seated behind his desk, furiously pecking out an email. How a man could be the head of a school and still not know how to type properly was beyond me. He flung a hand out, which I guessed was an invitation to sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk. I had a seat, propped my bag exploding with the papers I'd graded over the weekend on the floor next to me and waited.
My mind wandered and I began to do what I did anytime I was overwhelmed: I wrote a song. Nerves don't make for good song lyrics though and I'd barely gotten past 'Mr. Brown and his frown, Hessa's going down' when the man himself spun in his chair and folded his hands on his desk.
I stifled the hysterical chuckle bubbling up in my throat and smoothed out my skirt with my sweaty palms.
"Ms. Woodland. Thank you for coming in before class. I've spoken with our district's lawyers over the weekend and they've assured me that the information from the police department is consistent with your claim of innocence."
He paused, giving me time to stab his beady, little eyes out with a sharp number two pencil, even if only in my imagination. My claim? Innocence? Was I on trial here and didn't know it? If the police had backed me up, it wasn't a 'claim' at all anymore, it was simply the truth.
He cleared his throat and continued, oblivious to my seething anger beneath the surface. "Be that as it may, we've decided to cancel the Care Dare program after this year. We'll have an assembly today right before lunch and announce the cancellation of the program, along with information regarding Gabe Martinez to calm any rumors. I'd like you to also warn the students not to get involved with online daring games. We'll be a united front and demonstrate we take this incident seriously." He spun back to his computer, dismissing me before I'd had a chance to process his deplorable demands.
I shook my head, wondering if he had any compassion at all. "What about Ms. Martinez? Gabe?"
He turned his head to look back at me, his annoyance at my questions clear on his face. "What about them?"
My jaw dropped. "Gabe is one of our students. We need to help him and his mother in their time of need!"
He flung his ridiculous hand again, clearly unperturbed by my outburst. "We're not responsible for what happened, Hessa."
I jumped up. "You're missing the point entirely! He needs help. Not being responsible does not absolve us from our obligation to provide assistance."
He smirked as he began pecking away at another blasted email. "You're welcome to help them if you feel so inclined."
I stared at his head, hoping my eyes would drill right into his skull and knock some sense into him. With no such luck, I grabbed my tote bag and huffed my way out of the room, not bothering to shut the door nicely. Mr. Brown's assistant startled at the slamming of the door and gaped at me, never having seen me in a tizzy before.
I used my meditation breaths to calm myself as I walked to my first class of the day. My mind tried to wander off to visions of Kai and his hard body above me, consuming me, but I willed the daydream away. I'd address that mess later. Right now, I had to come up with a plan to help my student.
Mr. Brown looked out at our student body, having given his announcement about 'the unfortunate incident relating to one of our beloved students’. He followed up that farce with the cancellation of the Care Dare program as of next school year. Whispers and shouts of disappointment echoed through the gymnasium as Mr. Brown tried to regain control.
"Now, now..." he said into the microphone, his voice gaining volume as he continued. "We have one more announcement for you and you'll want to hear this one, so settle down. Ms. Woodland?" He turned to me, stepping back from the podium.
I walked from my chair to the microphone, ignoring the pretense of a friendly smile from Mr. Brown as he took his seat behind me.
I looked out over the faces of my students, seeing the gamut of emotions: boredom, concern, anger, and confusion. As I was about to start my hastily prepared speech, the side doors opened and a tall, gorgeous woman walked in, followed by Kai. My heart jumped and quickly plummeted, seeing how quickly he'd moved on. Then my own confusion set in as I wondered what he was doing here. Mr. Brown cleared his throat and I rushed to begin, tracking the pair as they sat in the front row of the bleachers off to the side.
"Students. I'm as sad as you are to cancel our Care Dare tradition. I'm sorry this is the last senior class that gets to hone their interviewing skills. Or dig deep to find the bravery to try something new. Or learn the exultant feeling of accomplishing something you thought was beyond your capabilities. I will be working tirelessly to create a new program our seniors can look forward to each year. In the meantime, I ask that you be vigilant. Guard your social media and remember that no legit dares will be given publicly. If you find yourself dared to do something dangerous online, do the right thing. Tell your parents, tell a teacher. Whatever you do, do not put yourself in danger by accepting an online dare."
I paused to collect my thoughts. This next bit might endanger my job and make me a fool publicly, but it was the right thing to do. I asked my seniors to push beyond their limits. Time I did too.
"Lastly, I'd like to invite you to a night of singing under the stars at an establishment yet to be determined in HB. Your favorite English teacher will be singing to all who gather sometime next month. I'll be releasing the details shortly. I will be collecting a $10 cover charge, 100% of which will go to the medical bills of our student in the hospital. I encourage you all to come watch me make a fool of myself and enjoy a fall night together."
The murmuring started up again with quite a few students shouting their encouragement to me. I smiled but it felt wooden, stiff with fear. My legs were shaking as I made my way back to collapse in my chair.
There. I'd said it. No going back now.
I glanced up and caught Kai's eye. He was staring at me intently. He nodded slowly, recognizing what my announcement meant to me. He of all people knew how terrified I was to sing in public. That simple nod made the disappointed feeling come to the forefront yet again. I rubbed my chest, hoping to sooth the ache that had started up there. I'd had my chance with this wonderful man and I'd pushed him away. Based on the woman next to him, my window of opportunity was closed. So why was he here? Other than to rub my face in how quickly he'd replaced me.
