Page 6 of Sweet Dreams
When I got home, Bailey was waiting for me at the frontdoor.
"So? How'd the date go this morning with Mr. Lifeguard?" she asked, nearly jumping up and down withexcitement.
"Well geez Bailey, let me put my bag down and have a seat first, huh?" I was totally joking but played it off like I was annoyed. Because I knew it would annoy her. See how our friendshipworks?
"I'm so sorry for caring so much about you," she said while lookingcontrite.
This too was an act. She wasn't sorry at all. In fact, I'm surprised that she didn't "coincidentally" happen to be at the same coffee shop this morning when my date went down. Thank God for small miracles. I knew she was just looking out for me though and I loved her for it. Time to put her out of her misery andspill.
"Okay, so first off, may I just say that Ivan is totally handsy, in a good way. I think he was touching me in some form or fashion for ninety-five percent of our conversation. He gives warm, cozy hugs. He's a health nut. He's crazy serious about his job. I'm in love with his eyes. And we decided to just be friends," I said in arush.
"Wait, hold up! Sounds like you guys had a great first date. Why the hell would you decide to just be friends?" Bailey asked with a most hideous expression on her face. Looked like 'friends' was a four-letter word in hermind.
"First of all, it wasn't a date. He flat out said he was interested in me. And I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship with anyone. He accepted that and then said we'd be friends. I really think that's for the best, Bailey." I paused. "After Jackass-who-shall-not-be-named, I need some time to wade back into the dating scene. And there would be nothing slow about dating Ivan." I started to pace the living room. "He's intense. I mean, we only talked for a few minutes and he was already saying he wanted to date me. Come on! That's way toofast."
"Hmm, I see where you're coming from, but I didn't get any weird vibes about Ivan. With Jackass, I didn't like him right from the start. Besides, it's been long enough. You need to get back out there and find Mr. Right." Bailey was speaking so calmly, like this wasn't a big freakingdeal.
"I'm not ready! I'm still building my business. I wanted to wait at least another year or two before dating anyone." My voice was rising as I explained how the timing couldn't beworse.
"You can't live life according to some weird timeline you've created." Bailey waved her hand as if that objection was already resolved. "I really think you should give Ivan a chance, honey. Think of it this way, if the whole Jackass thing hadn't happened, would you be giving Ivan a shot?" Baileyreplied.
That stopped me in my tracks. It was all too easy to picture what my life would look like right now if I'd never been burned so badly by an abusive boyfriend. "Yeah, I probably would jump at the chance to be with Ivan, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm older and wiser now. I refuse to get involved with someone like Jackass again, or be distracted from my businessdreams.”
"I know, I believe you. But lots of women run successful businesses while in a relationship. They're not mutually exclusive. And just think on this for a minute. If you don't allow yourself to date Ivan and get to know him, you're letting Jackass still control you," Bailey saidsoftly.
God dammit, I hated when she was right. "I'm just scared, Bailey," Iwhispered.
She pulled me into a hug and spoke softly in my ear, "I know, honey. And it's okay to be scared. But it's not okay to allow it to run yourlife."
And that right there is what kept me up way past when I usually fall asleep. Was I allowing my experience with Rylan to still control my decisions today? Or was I just wiser and more cautious? If I pushed the fear aside, did I want to get to know why those shadows periodically took over Ivan's eyes? Was it fair to assume he'd be bad for me? Wasn't that just painting all men with the same brush? I had to stop doing that at some point in my life. Bailey was right, I couldn't hide behind my fear. I'd made huge strides in my personal confidence but maybe it was time to get in a relationship and work out any remaining issues I had with trustingmen.
Ivan called me like he said he would. I let it roll to voicemail. I was just too confused to handle a flirty conversation. Of course, after he left a message, I listened to his sexy voice twice before saving the message for future obsessivelistening.
Hey Esa, I missed you this afternoon. No beautiful damsel in distress to carry. I know we decided to just be friends right now but I'd still like to see you again soon. Friends see each other often, right? So. Dinner tomorrow night? Call me back and we'll set up the details. Good night,gorgeous.
Good God, that man. He was seriously making me rethink my stance on dating and I'd only met himyesterday!
4
The next morning,I woke up early and decided to head to the gym. Nothing like lifting some weights to clear out your brain and get you focused. I threw on some Lululemon capri leggings, my bright orange Nikes, and a muscle tee from my favorite bar in downtown San Diego. The hair got thrown up into a high messy bun that said 'I mean business'. On the way out the door I grabbed my keys, my phone, and my headphones. Time to smash someweights.
One of the greatest things about Huntington Beach is that it's a total bike town. I rarely used my car, unless I was going to work in my kickass business clothes. Everything I needed was close enough that I could just hop on my beach cruiser and ride. My bike was sea foam green with a white seat and handlebars. My tires had thick white walls and my front basket was matching white. The bike's flair came from the coconut shell drink holder and the many stickers adorning her fenders. She wasn't fancy, but she was allmine.
I cruised through my residential neighborhood and then headed to the 24-Hour Fitness by my house, locked up at the bike rack out front, and headed inside. I connected my headphones, found my favorite playlist, and walked on the treadmill to warm up. Today would be an upper body day I decided. I was focused on building the best arm muscles I could. I mean really, what accessorized a tank top better than a sculpted arm? And showing off the guns was an effective propellant to douche-bros who weren't worth my time. It took a confident man to date a strong woman, both physically and emotionally. Might as well filter out the non-contenders right from thestart.
I just started some overhead presses out on the weights floor when I felt someone close to my right side. I glanced over and almost smashed my head with a dumbbell when I saw that it was Ivan. I put the dumbbells down and took my headphones out of my ears. "Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, out of breath. From the weights or seeing Ivan I wasn'tsure.
"I work out here too. This works out great. I was hoping to talk to you this morning," Ivan said smiling from ear to ear. Like a true gentleman, he made no mention about me not calling him back lastnight.
He was deliciously sweaty, the kind of man sweat where you want to run your finger along damp skin, not the gross dripping on the floor kind. He grabbed me into one of his signature hugs and I found out he smelled delicious too. A potent mix of male sweat and cologne. I missed his sunblock smellthough.
His man-smell must have overwhelmed my olfactory senses. I blurted out, "Actually, I was going to call you after my workout. I got your message last night, and I'd love to have dinner with you if the offer's still on the table." He released me slowly. Well, released me from the hug, though he kept both of his hands on my arms. I'm sure he was impressed with my bulgingbiceps.
"Hell yes, it's still on the table. How about I pick you up at six and we head over to Sushi on Fire? Wait, do you like sushi?" he said. His expression turned from excitement toconcern.
"Yeah, I love sushi. And six will totally work. But why don't we meet at the restaurant? That way you don't have to come get me," I said. I'm sure I was confusing Ivan, I was even confusing myself. Agree to dinner, but then push him away by not wanting him to pick me up. My waffling was annoying. I needed to make a damndecision.
"I'll come pick you up. I want to spend as much time with you as you'll let me, so please just let me pick you up, Esa," he said in a firm tone. His pleading look won me over, and I conceded with a nod. "So, that's settled. Wanna work out together?" he said, back to his excited, eager look. I was beginning to wonder how he was so good at changing the subject and the whole sunshine routine. No one was that happy all thetime.
