Page 71 of Beyond the Spotlight Discreet Version
“Oh Reynold, I’m so sorry.” He doesn’t respond to that and keeps talking.
“I poured my grief into my acting because it’s what mum told me to do. I think she knew she was going to die. The day before she passed, she told me to grieve her but not let her death hold me back from living my life. So I didn’t.
“We lived off their life insurance and my income from modeling and acting. Annalee saved what we didn’t use for bills. She wanted to move us here to the states where I’d have more opportunities for my career. She handled everything as far as visas. She’s the one who submitted our applications for citizenship. Now I have dual citizenship.”
“When’s the last time you went back to England?”
He sighs. “I haven’t been back. Not for a proper visit. I’ve had a few movie premieres in London, but my busy schedule only allowed for me to stay a night or two.” He circles his thumb on the inside of my palm. “I want to take Adeline; she should know where her mother grew up. I started showing her pictures a couple of years ago, and I talk about Annalee all the time. She understands I’m not her biological father.
“Annalee and I... we grieved our parents by being there for each other. They gave us a wonderful, loving life, and they’d want us to keep living as if they were still with us. Then when she passed, I grieved for her by taking care of Addy and loving her as my own.
“I cry when I think of my family, but then I smile at happy memories and feel proud of my accomplishments. I wouldn’t be where I am today without them. Grief is strange and different for everyone. For me, it’s not about the past, it’s about the future.”
“That’s beautiful, Reynold.”
He brings our clasped hands to his mouth and kisses my knuckles.
“What about your parents? You don’t talk about them much. You mentioned they live in Georgia. Let me guess, in Savannah?”
“Yeah. They love it there, hence my name. Original right?” I laugh. “My parents are the best. They raised me to love myself no matter what and were supportive in every decision I made. They didn’t care that I never wanted to go to college or have some fancy, high-paying job. I always found it more exciting to take life day by day and live in the moment.
“I feel bad that I don’t visit enough. I told you I was ashamed to see them after not breaking up with Brad, but I also couldn’t afford to take off work. They offered to pay for my flight, but I didn’t get vacation pay so I would have lost money by visiting. I also think I was scared I wouldn’t want to return to Arkansas and, until now, I wasn’t ready to deal with starting a new life.
“Brad was also the reason I didn’t visit as much. He always guilted me into going to his family’s place for the holidays. I’m a jerk. I should have put my foot down and made him go or went without him.”
“Why did you tolerate him for so long?”
“He wasn’t always bad. He was sweet in the beginning and said all the right things. Sometimes he’d bring home flowers or make dinner. Bare minimum, I know. Like I told you, after our fight over Ginger’s wedding, he changed. He was hiding something, but I just didn’t care. A part of me always knew he was cheating. We weren’t having sex as much and it wasn’t even good to begin with, so I didn’t fight for him.”
Fuck him. He doesn’t deserve any more space in my head.
“Him cheating was the best thing to happen to me. It made me realize I was wasting my life in Arkansas, and it was time to make a big change.”
“Whatdoyou want to do with your life?”
“You know... I’m not sure. But New York seems like the best place to figure it out.”
“What’s something you love?”
I tap my finger on my chin. I always thought I’d be working at Lilies Bar & Grill for the rest of my life. Or be a stay-at-home mom to some husband I pretended to love. Not that there is anything wrong with those roles (aside from the not loving my husband part) but I’m at a point in my life where I can be anything. I candoanything.
“I love fashion. I love pushing trends and making them my own.”
Reynold’s eyes fall to my skintight tank and my pushed-up cleavage.
“Oh yes, my love.” He tugs the straps, tracing his finger up and down. “Your outfits are always flawless and sexy as fuck. You could be a stylist.”
“You think? That’d be a dream.”
“I could recommend you to some agencies. Or if you want to be your own boss, I have former colleagues who would love to be styled by you.”
My eyes water, which catches me off guard. I don’t cry often. I try to stay away from things that make me sad. My tears are typically happy, like when I watch videos of kittens being rescued or the game show contestant wins the big prize.
Now I cry because this man is too good to be true. He’s already helped me beyond what I deserve. He’s given me a home and a job and a new life. Now he wants to pave a path for my future? One that I never gave enough thought to because I never believed I’d be following any of my dreams.
“You don’t have to…”
He leans in and takes my head in his hands. “I want to.”
