Page 70 of Where We Found Our Home
“No?”
“No. Do you really think I’m okay with leaving you home alone after everything that happened today?”
Her fists clench at her sides. I welcome the anger. I would rather us duke it out right now than her shut down on me. “You’re not my babysitter.”
“No, but I love you and I would feel much better if we were together tonight.”
Her fists unclench and I think she’s softening on me, but her next words deliver a crucial blow. “I can’t do this.”
“Can’t do what?”
“This, Lincoln. This whole fucking thing. This is out of control now. We tried it your way, and now we’re doing it mine.”
Jesus.My brain is barely functioning after today. I can’t even begin to process what she’s saying right now. “What is your way?”
“I need to leave.”
Suddenly I’m transported back to that dream where Ciara told me Erica was right. That we’d never work out.
Fuck that. She’s mine. I made my choice. I choose my future and that’s Ciara, and I don’t accept her telling me otherwise.
“Ciara. We talked about this. You promised to stay, to give me a chance.”
“This is not about you being able to protect me, Linc,” she insists. “This is beyond you now. You can’t be everywhere at once. Up until now, he’s threatened the people I care about, but he’s never touched them, and now he’s grabbing Nevaeh?! She’s a fucking child!”
Like I don’t fucking know that. Like I don’t want to rip him apart even more now because he had his filthy hands on my niece. “I know that. But you can’t just run away. That doesn’t solve anything.”
“It solves everything. With me gone, he’ll come after me and leave you all alone.”
Jesus.“I’m sorry. Are we back to you being the fucking martyr now? You want to act as bait so he can kill you, and I’m just supposed to accept that?” Our voices are at a ten right now, but neither one of us is backing down.
“Would you rather everyone you care about die?! Who’s next? You want to wait until he grabs Malcolm and Niecy too? Want to wait until he actually kills somebody? Until he picks you all off until he gets tired and kills me anyway? What’s the point of that? Just let me leave and end this once and for all.”
“I’m not letting you go, Angel. I’m not.” I step toward her, and she steps backward, putting her hand out.
“Enough. You need to stop thinking with your dick and start thinking with your head!”
What the fuck?
“My dick? You think that’s the only part of me that doesn’t want to lose you?”
She sighs deeply. “It doesn’t matter. This has gone too far. Why don’t you ask Sasha and Carter how they feel about me leaving town? I bet they’d be all for it considering they could’ve lost everything today because of me.” No. What’s going too far is implying that I only think with my dick when it comes to her. This woman owns me—mind, body, and soul. Doesn’t she realize that?
I’m seconds away from punching a hole in the nearest wall. “Jesus. That’s not fucking true. No one wants you to sacrifice yourself. We can fix this together.”
“There is no together! You’re insane if you think you can make a difference at this point. He apparently can’t be caught. The police don’t give a fuck because they can’t prove anything. What’s another dead black woman on their doorstep? You can’t protect me. Just. Let. Me. Go.”
“No!”I’m not doing this. I refuse to lose another person I love.Ciara scoffs. I don’t care. I keep pushing. “He wants you to do this. He wants you to isolate yourself away from everyone. This is all a game to him.”
“Yeah, well, he’s winning.”
I open my mouth to say something when she throws her hand up. “I need you to leave, Lincoln.”
“What happened to I have you and you have me?” I’m grasping at straws trying to hold on to her.
Her eyes soften. “I love you, Lincoln. I really do. I can’t bring myself to regret our time together right now, but I will if this goes any further. If something happens to your family. I love you for accepting me, and I love you for giving me your heart despite what you’ve been through. I’m just sorry I’m too much of a disaster to hold on to it. I can’t, Lincoln. Please.” She moves to her door and opens it without looking at me.
I move to the door and stand there, imploring her to look at me.
