Page 56 of Where We Found Our Home
I’m on a FaceTime call with my little cinnamon roll, Brittany, and I’m really glad to be having this talk one-on-one because I am too tired for Sarah and Simone’s energy right now. I’m exhausted from all the crying, plus Lincoln kept me up for more delicious reasons after we were all talked out. “You sound happy,” Brittany says with a smile.
“I am happy. Guess what I did?”
“Umm, anal?” Her huge eyes double in size. She can’t believe what just came out of her own mouth.
My eyes bulge out of my damn head. Anal? I am scandalized. Did my little cinnamon roll actually say that? “What the fuck?” I double over in laughter. “Okay, I really have left you alone with Simone for too long. Anal, bitch?”
Her eyelashes flutter so fast it’s like she’s trying to shake the thought from her head. “Girl, I don’t know. You sound so giddy. It just came out.”
It just came out? I’m still baffled by the idea that I would say “guess what I did” and her immediate thought would be anal. My little Britt might not be so innocent after all. The thought of that cracks me the hell up. “Umm, no ma’am, we did not do anal.” I shiver at the memory of Lincoln’s finger against my hole. It’s not something we’ve tried, and it’s not something I was ever interested in before. That’s always been a do not enter zone for me, but he makes me feel all the things and want to try all the things. “But I’m not saying it won’t happen.” I overexaggerate my wink.
She cracks up at that. “Okay, so what did you do?”
“I told him about…everything.”
She gasps. “You did?!” I nod.
“And? How did it go? Good, I assume based on the smile on your face.”
“So good. I’ve never felt so…free.” Free is the best word for what I’m feeling. I know I still have to deal with Eddie and whatever his plans are for me, but my soul is free. I don’t feel bogged down by all the lies I’ve told. One day I’ll have to come clean to my mom and the girls about Eddie’s threats, and I’m in no way prepared for the guilt I’ll feel over that betrayal, but I’m not shouldering the burden alone anymore. And that is a powerful feeling.
“Oh my God, you love him.”
“Slow your roll,” I tease, but shit, I think I do. I know I do. I’m nowhere near being ready to address that though, so I’ll just let it sit there.
Brittany narrows her eyes at me, and I avert my gaze. I can’t let her get too deep in my head. “Okay, okay. It’s just so good to hear you so happy. I know you thought you had us all fooled, but you didn’t. We could see the misery dripping off of you. We just wanted to be there for you—it’s why we were so worried when you said you were moving.”
And here comes the guilt train again. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m sorry.” She chokes on her last word and my brows rise.
“Hey, what’s going on?”
“I just…I’m sorry. I should’ve known. I should’ve realized you weren’t there that day, and I didn’t. You could’ve died, and what kind of best friend am I that I didn’t even know you were gone?”
Oh shit. I had no idea she was holding on to this. Brittany and I used to work together for the same management corporation. Brittany still works there. She’s the Executive Assistant for the CEO, and I worked in Human Resources. We didn’t even sit on the same floor, but we used to grab a quick breakfast together in the building’s cafe every morning. The day Eddie grabbed me, Brittany had a last-minute morning meeting, so she didn’t come to our breakfast, therefore she didn’t notice I wasn’t there. I have never blamed her for what went down that day. There is no one to blame but Eddie himself.
“Brittany. Do not do this to yourself. It is not your fault. You had a busy morning and forgot our breakfast meeting. It happens. We didn’t even sit on the same floor, Brit. How would you have known I didn’t show up?”
She scoffs, her disgust aimed completely at herself, and I just want to hug her. “I should’ve noticed you didn’t text me wondering where I was, but I was so stuck up my own ass.”
And I was so stuck up my own ass I didn’t know Brittany had been beating herself up over this for the past year.
“You were not and are not my babysitter. You’re not responsible for knowing where I am all the time. And even if you had noticed I wasn’t there, what would’ve changed? No one would’ve thought the sick bastard would’ve left me in the parking garage.”
She blows out a big breath. I hate seeing her like this. I know that pain. That guilt weighing you down until you can’t breathe anymore. “I just wish so many things were different.”
“I do too. But I am learning that I need to focus on the things I can change and not stress about the things I can’t. I love you, Britt.”
“I love you too.” She gives me a weak smile.
“Are we okay?”
“We’re always gonna be okay.”
“Are you okay?” I ask.
She pauses at that. “I’ll get there. I promise.” She takes a brief pause, and her cheery smile is back on display. “So, I was talking to the girls, and we were trying to figure out why you’ve been so cagey with us about us flying out to visit you.”
