Page 50 of Where We Found Our Home
She has tears in her eyes from laughing so hard, and I’m right there with her.
“Your friends are something else. How did you all meet again?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
She laughs again but blinks when she realizes I didn’t actually follow that up with the story.
“Are you guys secret agents or something?”
“Ha! No. We met nine years ago, but the story is so wildly stupid and unbelievable. We swore that night we would never tell anyone the real story. Not until each and every one of us were married and settled down.”
“Why the hell was that your criteria for telling the story?”
“Because at the time we were all convinced we’d never actually settle down and get married. At least not all of us, so we’d never have to tell the story.” It was Isaiah who suggested that be the criteria. He was nineteen at the time and was solely concerned with getting his dick wet at any given moment, so he never imagined himself settling down. Kai immediately agreed with the plan, and to this day I don’t know why he was so quick to accept it. The rest of us took some convincing but then we just sort of thought Isaiah and Kai would be our holdouts so we’d never have to deal with it regardless. It’s been working so far.
“Men are so fucking dumb,” she says as she doubles over with laughter. “I wish Simone was here. She’d be frothing at the mouth to meet your friends.” Ciara has told me all about her childhood friends Simone, Sarah, and Brittany. They’re her extended family like the guys are for me. Every time she speaks about them, she has a layer of sadness in her voice which makes me want to know even more why she left home, but I won’t push her on that. I have faith that she’ll tell me when she’s ready, and I’ll be here for her whenever that is.
“Which one do you think Simone would latch on to?”
“Oh, I mean all of them. So I guess the real question is which one would she latch on to first.” She takes a minute to think. “Definitely Shane.” She brings her finger up to her chin in thought. “Yep, Shane. He’s got this arrogance about him, but he’s also kind of shy, and she would eat that shit up. She lives for making guys blush.”
“I would love to see that.”
She chuckles at that. “Do you ever feel like your entire life is an out-of-body experience? Like you put this husk version of yourself on display for everyone to see, but inside you’re slowly dying but you don’t know how to stop it?” I tentatively reach for her hand. When she doesn’t pull away, I grasp her hand in mine and squeeze. She turns to me with a fragile smile and squeezes back.
“Yeah, I have. When Erica left me, I was hurt, and I didn’t think I’d ever be myself again, but when she died, I really lost it. I kept up appearances like everything was fine, but inside I was questioning every single choice I ever made and regretting everything and just losing more and more of myself.”
“How’d you fix it?”
“Honestly? I didn’t realize I hadn’t truly dealt with it until I met you.”
“Me?” Her mouth is agape in shock, and I curse myself.
Shit.I did not mean to say that. I don’t think Ciara is ready to hear how deep my feelings run for her. Hell, I don’t think I’m ready to say it. But the more I think about it, the more I realize it’s true. I have not felt this way about a woman since Erica, and the really scary part is that these feelings might even surpass that. I didn’t think I was capable of these types of feelings anymore, so this is just making me realize how much I haven’t dealt with my shit.
“Yeah. I just…I care about you. I care about you more than I thought possible.”
She blinks. “I care about you too.” She looks away and curses under her breath.
“Is that not a good thing?”
“I don’t know. You are so unexpected. You were never part of my plan, and I’m just worried that—” She cuts herself off.
“Worried that what?”Come on, Angel. Give it to me.
She tries to blink away a tear, and I reach out to wipe it off her cheek. “Ugh, nothing. This is too much. Please.” She cuts herself off again, but I know what she’s asking. She’s not ready. That’s okay.
I lean in and kiss her, and she deepens the kiss. She stands up and grabs my hand. I let her lead me to her bedroom, and I show her with my body everything I’m not saying with my words. I just hope it’s enough to get her to trust me with her pain.
Eddie
Ihate you.
Do you know what I had to do today?
I set a fire. I’ve never set a fire in my entire fucking life. And yet I had to in order to teach you a lesson. You’re so sure this man can protect you because what? He willingly runs into burning buildings? He’s just as flammable as you, and I’ll gladly burn him alive to make you see that. I didn’t think that you could ruin me any more than you already have, but you’re so determined to prove me wrong.
I hate you.
