Page 37 of Where We Found Our Home
I watch as the painful words spill out of him. He looks like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders after sharing that and yet I can tell that weight he lifted was barely a drop in the bucket.
“I’m sorry, Linc.”
“That’s not the worst part. She umm, died.” I gasp. It’s quiet but he notices. I stay silent hoping he continues and am grateful when he does. “One week after breaking up with me, she was on her way to her parents’ house in San Antonio, and she was in a really bad car accident.” I wince at his words as a certain memory threatens to overtake me, but I won’t let that overshadow Lincoln’s needs right now. “I was called to the scene, but I was too late. I couldn’t save her.”
“Jesus. I’m so sorry, Linc. I know that doesn’t mean shit in the grand scheme of things, but I am truly sorry.”
“I just feel like if I couldn’t save her life, the least I could’ve done was not waste the last three years of her life. She could’ve been happy elsewhere. But she stuck with me hoping I would choose her over my job, and I didn’t. Who knows, maybe she wouldn’t have even been on that road at that time if it weren’t for what happened between us.”
Shit.The pain radiating off of Lincoln right now is unbearable. I want to take it all away from him. I realize in this moment how much I’ve really grown to care for this man. It’s terrifying. How did I let this happen?
“Listen to me. She didn’t deserve to die, but if I can be honest, she didn’t deserve you either. You didn’t steal her happiness, Linc. She gave it to you because you were worth it. You are worth it. Her issues with your job were more about her than you. It was wrong of her to ask you to stop. She put you in an impossible position, and if you had given it up for her you would’ve grown to resent her because you are absolutely right that you were meant to do this. You can’t blame yourself for what happened after the break-up. It’s okay to mourn her, but do not take that guilt on or it’ll eat you alive.”I would know.
He squeezes my hand in thanks and then promptly changes the subject. This day is nothing like I expected. I got an impromptu play date with Lincoln’s whole family and a heart-to-heart with him in the middle of a crowded-ass arcade. This is a whole new brand of crazy, but it feels like a brand that’s imperfectly ours. I’m honored that he chose to open up to me today. I feel ten times closer to him now that he shared his history and ten times guiltier that I didn’t share mine with him.
Can I really bring him into my shit? Definitely not today. Today has been heavy enough. But shit, maybe. Just maybe.
“What are you doing next Friday?” Lincoln asks, bringing me out of my trance.
“Umm, I’ve learned to be very skeptical with this family, so I’ll say it depends. What’s up?”
His shoulders shake with laughter, and it feels so good to hear that laugh again. “It’s my birthday. I’m going to have a cookout at my parents’ house with my siblings and a few friends. Very low-key. Will you come?”
His birthday? I wonder why he never told me before that his birthday was coming up. The crazy thing is there’s not a doubt in my mind that I’ll go to his birthday cookout. I can hear it in his voice how badly he wants me there, and I don’t want to disappoint him. I’m about to agree to meet Lincoln’s parents, the last sibling I haven’t met, and his friends. Shit is getting real.
“In that case, it’s my first Friday off in forever so yes, I’d love to come.” And the smile on his face is worth the pain I feel in the pit of my stomach right now.
Eddie
How dare you?
You spent the entire afternoon with that man and those fucking kids. Looking like you didn’t have a care in the world. I’m beginning to think you don’t take me seriously and that pisses me off.
I know you haven’t forgotten about me, though, because you talked about me in your last therapy session. Again. That’s good to know, but it’s not good enough. Your every waking thought should be about me. Maybe I’ve given you too much freedom. You seem to be under the impression that you’re safe now.
Is it because of him?
Lincoln Cole. I’ve learned a lot about your precious firefighter over the past few days. He’s a Fire Lieutenant at the Austin Fire Department. A real hero. Give me a fucking break. He cannot save you from me, doll. You’re my toy to play with. I don’t share.
He’s also the brother of that coffee shop owner you seem so enamored with, Sasha. You’re just blending right in with this little family, aren’t you? We’ll see how much they love you when you’re the reason every single one of them dies.
Their blood is on your hands.
Lincoln
Iwant her.
There is no denying that anymore. I’ve long accepted that I want her in my bed, but I’m starting to get hopes of the real deal with this woman. I want it all with her.
I don’t know if I can fully trust the things she was saying about dating someone in my line of work, because Erica used to swear it didn’t bother her at all in the beginning—but God, the conviction in her words and the sincerity in her eyes hit me square in the chest.
I just have to convince her to take a chance on me. I know she’s still fighting her own demons, and she still hasn’t given me every part of herself, but I’m willing to fight for it.
“All the smoke alarms are in good shape, Mrs. Townsend. Jenny said your blood pressure is much better than last time we visited. I’m impressed,” I say to my favorite woman outside of my family and a certain Angel.
Today I’m visiting a few people in the community on my Red Angels shift. Red Angels is a program comprised of a few of us AFD firefighters and some licensed nurses. We go door-to-door offering free in-home safety and wellness checks. We do this every few weeks. It’s one of my favorite things the station does because I get to be a part of my community and connect with them without an emergency taking priority.
Mrs. Townsend is one of my favorite people to visit during these shifts. She’s an elderly white woman with hair so platinum it looks like a White Walker fromGame of Thrones. Every time I come here, I’m guaranteed to leave with a batch of freshly baked cookies, new sweet stories about her late husband, complaints about her son Billy, and at least one pinch on my ass for having such a “cute butt.”
