Page 12 of Hope in his Darkness
“I’m happy for you man, I know how hard things were for you when Georgia and I mated.” If anyone knows what it was like to love someone who wasn’t meant to be yours, it’s Rooster. He mated with another woman before he realized she wasn’t really his mate. It put him in a bad place. When he met Georgia, he tried to deny their bond, but ultimately he gave in to the mating pull. We say goodbye with the expectation that I will start calling more often and actually talk to Georgia when I do. It’s an agreement I can easily make now that I know what I felt for her wasn’t the same as what I feel for Hope. Hope is like this light that surrounds me while Georgia was like a flashlight shining on me. There’s really no comparison.
Chapter Eight
Hope
Trying to fall asleepafter the confrontation with Brody was like trying to find the answer to how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, impossible. I toss and turn so many times I was pretty sure I knew every inch of the bed. It wasn’t the bed was uncomfortable, I just couldn’t get Brody out of my head. Why did I care he was in love with his adopted sister? What did it matter to me that he hated me?
There was this unseen force that kept pulling my mind towards him. Every time I tried to focus on something else, his image kept popping into my head. The way his body moved, his chiseled fucking abs, his smell. Fuck everything about him did something to my body. Electric impulses shot through my body just thinking about him and what he could do to me with that body. There was no denying the man was fine, but so was Cole and I had zero feelings toward him. My body wants Brody, my mind wants Brody, and damn if my heart isn’t beating faster for him.
This isn’t me; I don’t lose my mind over a guy. Men were nothing but trouble, with a capital T. They sweet-talked you till they got in your pants, then they used you before throwing you away and moving on to the next girl. I’d seen a thousand times with girls I went to school with. These guys would pursue them, make them fall for them, and then dump them as soon as they got what they wanted. That is not going to be me. I am stronger than my sex drive. Besides, Brody doesn’t even like me, let alone want to sleep with me.
Whatever his reason for not wanting me, I need to accept it and move the fuck on. If I’m going to be staying at Clay’s house till I got on my feet, I will just have to learn to avoid Brody as much as possible. It shouldn’t be that hard to avoid a man who don’t want anything to do with me. He will probably find ways to avoid me too, so it would be easier on both of us. Why did the thought of him avoiding me cause an ache in my chest? What the fuck is wrong with me?
Maybe after all these years, I am finally losing my fucking mind. My dad is pretty batshit crazy from drinking, but is it because of drinking, or is he just batshit crazy and passed it onto me. I tend to believe it was the drinking that made him lose his shit, but I could be wrong. Laying in the bed I stare up at the ceiling trying to work out why I am feeling the way I am feeling. Nothing makes sense, up is down, down is up, left is right, and right is left. It is all fucked up in my head thanks to the jackass across the hall.
I don’t have time for men, let alone one who doesn’t like me. Definitely not one who thinks I am trying to take the place of his adopted sister. I want to hate her for having his love, his devotion, but I can’t after hearing the story of how she came to live with them. It isn’t her fault Brody is in love with her. That is on him. I wonder if she knows he is in love with her or if he’s kept it a secret. The way Clay talks no one knew, so maybe he never told her. I can’t imagine what that must feel like for him. No, I am not going to feel sorry for the guy who was a total asshole to me.
He doesn’t deserve my pity or my sadness for his broken heart. Damn it, these feelings inside me! They made me want to walk across the hall and give him a hug. Nope, wasn’t going to happen. After treating me the way he had, he didn’t deserve my pity or my hugs. He could enjoy his solo pity party all on his own without my help. Telling my heart to stop aching for his loss wasn’t working, though.
Even if he was a total ass to me, no one should be alone, feeling unloved. I know how that felt, that shit hurts. There isn’t a day living with my dad that I don’t feel that way and I wouldn’t wish that kind of hurt on anyone. Not even Captain Asshole McHotpants across the hall. Even he deserves to feel love and be loved, not by me obviously, because he hates me, but I am sure there is someone out there for him. The thought of him with someone else makes my stomach twist and sour.
There is no way I can stay in this house with him if he keeps making me feel these strange emotions. I will not survive till I could get my own place. These feelings will eat away at me until I am nothing but miserable. I cannot live like that. Sitting up in bed suddenly I know I need to leave. Clay said I could stay as long as I need to but being around Brody is not an option with the way I am feeling.
Clay will understand. I will leave him a note and slip out before they are awake. I will still work with him but living in the same house is not going to work. He doesn’t want me here and I don’t want to keep feeling the way I am around him. Tiptoeing around the room, I gather my things and dress quickly. I need to find a pen and paper so I can write Clay a note, so I make my way as quietly as possible down the stairs. What greets me at the bottom stopped me in my tracks.
“Well, good morning, gorgeous.” Brody smiles at me from across the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in his hands. I blink rapidly at him, trying to figure out his game, or if he is just as fucking crazy as I am. The night before he wanted nothing to do with me and now, he was smiling and calling me gorgeous. Did I wake up in an alternate universe?
Instead of answering him, I look around for a pen and paper. He watches me as he sips his coffee with hunger in his eyes. When I finally find some paper and a pen, I sit as far away from him as possible to write my note. I can feel his eyes on me as I scratch away at my note to Clay, thanking him for his hospitality and apologizing for not staying. I let him know I will be at work, but that I can’t impose upon him anymore.
“Whatcha writin’?” Brody finally asks, after several minutes pass, while I continue to write.
“Your dad a note. I’m leaving.” Brody slams his coffee cup down on the table before narrowing his eyes at me, not bothering to look up at him, I keep writing. With my head down I feel his eyes upon me. I’m not sure if he’s angry at the fact that I’m ignoring him or angry I’m leaving.
“No, you’re not. Dad said you could stay till you got on your feet. You’ll hurt his feelings if you leave.” I snort in response.
“I seriously doubt his feelings will be hurt that I’m not mooching off him. Besides, you don’t want me here, and I don’t stay where I’m not welcome. I’ll see you at work, but other than that we won’t have to be around each other. Goodbye Brody.” I go to stand up, and he moves so fast I don’t even see him until he is standing in front of me. He runs his hand through his hair and looks like he’d swallowed a frog.
