Page 53 of Flyboy's Nightingale
I nod my head because my lips are dry and my throat is scratchy. I’m not sure if my voice would even work if I tried to say anything.
“Owen and I didn’t always have the best life, but my momma did what she could. Our father was never around, and to be honest, we never knew who he was. I used to dream that he was someone super important and he would one day sweep in and save us all.” She pauses, and the longing and despair in her voice tells me everything I need to know about what’s coming next.
Lil Red’s hands never stop their ministration as she gets lost in her own memories. “Duck likes to tell me that my mom’s man picker was broken. I like to think that she just wanted to be loved so bad that she would do anything to feel it.”
Swallowing hard, I finally find my voice and tell her, “I can relate to her. When I was at the compound with my father, that’s all I wanted to feel from him after my mom died. I wanted him to love me, so after seeing the disappointment and frustration in his eyes whenever I’d try to get his attention, I decided that letting them do what they did was better than my father not wanting me in the long run.”
I stop talking in shock that I was able to tell her that. I’ve never admitted out loud that I stopped fighting because I wanted Daddy to love me, and at the end of the day, I meant nothing to him.
Lil Red doesn’t comment on what I just confessed, instead, she picks up her story where she left off. “The men weren’t always the best, but not all of them were horrendous. The last one was one of the ones that walked the fine line of not being bad but yet wasn’t the best. One night, they went out to the bar leaving Owen and I alone at home. I was so excited because Owen had been distancing himself from me and I just wanted to spend time with him.” Lil’ Red clears her throat before she can continue.
“About ten-thirty that night, there was a loud knock on the door. Owen answered, and standing there was the two men that would send me to what would become my living nightmare. The police officers were there to give us the death notification and let us know that my mother and her boyfriend were killed earlier that evening in a tragic car accident. I was twelve, and Owen was eighteen, getting ready to leave for the military. He was able to convince the officers to leave me with him for a few days until he could come up with a plan.” Lil’ Red hiccups. “I’ve never talked to Owen about any of this, and still don’t know how he was able to figure it all out, but he was able to find our father. I still remember the day that we pulled up outside his big, beautiful home. To me, it was like going into a palace. I was scared and excited all at once. When my father opened the front door, I was taken aback by how much Owen favored him. We talked, and everything seemed to fall into place. After about a week, Owen left to report for bootcamp, and I was getting ready to start the seventh grade.” She pauses, trying to gather her thoughts.
I know that whatever happened next is how she ended up here, and that it had to be dark and twisted. I don’t want to push her to continue, but I need more because it seems as if our stories seem to have a lot of parallel similarities.
So I decide to embrace my history and tell her something about myself. “My mom passed away when I was eleven, and even though my father fell apart, it seemed as if everything was going to be okay. I was safe in the club and I had my daddy and my brother. For the next few years, everything was okay until the night of my sixteenth birthday. That was the first night the VP searched me out.”
Lil’ Red lets a sarcastic laugh out, conveying, “It’s so sad to know how twisted and messed up the world is when two people, who’ve never met, have stories so similar that it makes you fear the world around you.”
I nod in agreement. She’s not wrong.
“Anyway, for the next four or five years, I’m living a life that I never could’ve imagined. I no longer want for anything. I have the best of everything, and even attend a top notch private school in the area. Don’t get me wrong, I missed my momma and my brother so much it would take my breath away. My favorite days were the days that I would get a letter from Owen, telling me all about what was going on with him. Then out of nowhere, I started noticing strange men milling around. They would look at me in a way that would make me want to take steel wool to my skin in the shower.” A shiver wracks both our bodies in disgust at memories of having those perverted leers directed our way.
“I got a letter one day that Owen was finishing his basic training and would be coming to visit me right afterward. I was so excited that I ran into my father’s office without knocking. There, sitting across from him, was the devil in flesh and blood. His eyes didn’t just take me in, they devoured me. I was left with the feeling that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. A sinister smile spread across his face before he turned away from me and back to my dad. Whatever look he gave him made the color drain from my dad’s face so fast that I imagined he would’ve passed out had he not been sitting. The devil stood, making his way to me. When he reached me, the man ran a finger down my face before speaking, “Such a beautiful addition to my collection you will be.” His accent was thick and terrifying.” She pauses as if to gather her thoughts.
The sorrow I hear in Lil’ Red’s voice brings the tears that slowed back even harder as my heart breaks for her.
Finally, when Lil’ Red finds her words she continues, “I turned and ran from the room, forgetting what I went in there for. That happened the night before the men in this club found me. From that day forward, I’ve been treated like a person and not like a rag doll.”
“How did you get past it and deal? When I’m around men in large groups, I get overwhelmed and want to flee. I want to be like all of you guys. I want to walk into the great room and know that I’m safe and nothing’ll ever happen. I just don’t know how to get myself there,” I blurt out in frustration at my lack of ability to deal with this shit.
“Woman, are you kidding? I’m terrified all the time. The men that held me have been dealt with by the club, yet I still look for them around every corner. I watch over my shoulder if I don’t have a brother around me,” she groans, covering her face. “When other brothers are around and in the club, I stick close to Duck, I’m so far up his ass you would think I’m trying to climb my way inside of him.”
A giggle leaves my mouth at that thought. I sit up facing her, taking her hands in mine. “Thank you for sharing. I know that all of the Ol’ Ladies have stories to tell and fight daily against their own demons. I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to make it. I want to. I want to be enough for Flyboy and spend time with everyone. Can you help me get there?” I ask her, knowing that it’s a big favor to ask of her, but I need help from a woman who understands where I’m coming from.
“That’s just it. You’re doing it on your own, and doing a damn good job of it.” Lil’ Red squeezes my hands, smiling wide. “Every time you come into this clubhouse with everyone. Every time you stand tall beside Flyboy. Every time you put the club before your fear and do what is needed of you, is you handling things. Don’t get me wrong, I'll be here to make sure that you never fall apart in front of anyone.”
Her smile is infectious, causing me to mirror it. We spend the next hour or so just talking about all things having to do with the club, and her excitement about the new baby.
“I’m starving. Do you want to go with me to grab a snack?” Lil’ Red embarrassingly asks me.
“Are you joking? I didn’t get all these curves because I turned down snacks. Let’s go see what we can find.” I jump up from the bed, grabbing my phone as we head for the door.
When I open the door and step out into the hallway, the sound of boisterous laughter causes me to stumble to a stop. Lil’ Red places a hand on my arm, giving me the strength and encouragement to continue. We make it to the mouth of the hallway, and I look around taking in the few brothers that aren’t in church. Some are playing a game of pool, and a couple of prospects are situated behind the bar serving everyone. Vixen and Edge are sitting on the large couches with T.J. and Starla in their laps watching Bluey. No one is paying us any mind, so I conscientiously make my way to the door of the kitchen. When I push through it, Noah is standing at the island, glaring at his phone.
“Noah, you doing okay?” I wonder as I make my way to the fridge.
His head snaps up like he didn’t hear us come into the room, he snatches up his phone, shoving it in his pocket. “Yeah. How’re you ladies doing after recent events?”
Lil’ Red and I look at each other before we both shrug and nod.
“Good. I’ve got some stuff to do for the brothers. You ladies have a good one,” Noah throws over his shoulder as he retreats from the room.
“Thank you! You have a good one and be safe out there!” I call after him while pulling out a tomato, some lettuce, and mayo from the fridge.
“What did you decide on?” Lil’ Red asks, staring into an open cabinet.
“A tomato sandwich with some lettuce. So it’s not too heavy on my stomach, but at the same time, it’s refreshing!” I hold up my goodies going to the island.
