Page 48 of Razor's Edge
“How is my baby?” I question, reaching out and taking a waving hand.
“She is dry and full. Happy as ever!” Blue says with a wide smile.
Looking at Blue, I smile back. “Thank you so, so much for everything you do. You are truly amazing with her.”
“I love her so much and love having babies around again. You know Steel and I wanted more kids, but that wasn’t in the plans for us. Having little one around again makes my heart so happy and full,” Blue says, her eyes misting over.
“We appreciate it more than you could ever know. Now is your chance to make a run for it, though. I’m going to spend some time with my girl. Maybe go for a walk around the property and hang at the pool,” I tell her, looking at Starla.
“Would that make you happy to go outside and get some fresh air?” I ask Starla as her eyes widen with excitement at my voice.
“I’m going to take you up on the offer. I’ve got errands to run and haven’t wanted to do them with her l. It feels too unsafe since she was in the hospital, and you came back,” Blue says, standing and kissing me on the head before heading for the door.
I smile at her while my heart clenches with missing my mother.
“They would’ve been proud of us,” Vixen says, walking up behind me.
“Do you really think so? After everything?”
“I know so. Do you know how I know?” she asks, sitting in the big rocker behind me, stroking my hair as she did when we were children.
“Because we never once allowed them to break us. They tried many, many times to make us nothing more than shells, but we didn’t let that happen. We fought through it to have the lives we are building with good men who truly love us and will stop at nothing to protect us,” she says softly and contentedly.
We fall silent, Vixen stroking my hair while I watch Starla, thinking about what she said.
Razor has told me I am his, and I own him mentally, emotionally, and physically. Does that mean that he loves me? Does that mean I mean as much to him as he does to me? Only he can answer that. For now, though, I want to spend some time with baby Starla, get some sun, and be happy.
“Do you want to take a walk with us?” I ask Vixen, looking at her over my shoulder to find her sound asleep.
I chuckle, picking up Starla and heading to her room to find the baby carrier or stroller. I grab what I need before heading out the door. Once out the back, I take a left, walking through the courtyard to the playset and fire pit and to the little trail that loops around the grounds. We make it about three-quarters of the way when Starla gets tired of being in her stroller. I stop, pulling her out and talking to her about everything we see. Watching her take in the world makes me realize I’ve been living in such a dark place, not truly taking in the world around me.
I lose track of how long we spend out on the trail, and before I know it, Starla is hungry and ready for a nap. We come out of the trail as Razor comes out the back door, looking frazzled. I rush to him, and before I can speak, he pulls us into a hug and takes a deep breath. I’m not sure what’s wrong, so I brace for him to lash out and yell. Razor takes another deep breath before holding me at arm’s length, looking both Starla and me up and down.
“You’re, okay?” he asks, calmer than he feels.
“We are. We went for a walk and lost track of time. I was heading in to fix Starla a bottle and lay her down for a nap,” I tell him, still unsure if I’m in trouble.
“That sounds like a great idea. We have everything we need in her room, and once she’s asleep, we’ll talk,” he says, and my anxiety goes so high that my head spins.
“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? What was that look?” Razor asks.
“Oh, nothing. Let’s go take care of Starla,” I tell him, plastering on a smile to hide my anxiety and fear.
Razor doesn’t say anything, just studies me for a moment before kissing me and then Starla on the forehead. That simple movement causes my shoulders to sag. I am not letting my guard down completely, but maybe this won’t be as bad as my anxiety says it will be. I bounce a fussing Starla as we walk to her room. I lay her on her changing table to change her diaper, and she starts protesting loudly as Razor comes through the door.
He chuckles, shaking his head before making her a bottle. After finishing, I put her in a purple sleeper, so her feet don’t get cold while she sleeps. Razor comes over, taking her from me and settling in the oversized rocker before he feeds Starla. His daddy-mode makes my ovaries explode every time. However, this time is different as Starla curls her fingers through his beard and listens to every word he says. I pull my phone out and take a couple pictures before my movements catch his attention.
Fear and anxiety rush over me so fast that I can’t stop the shiver coursing down my back when his eyes meet mine, hardening a little. Logically, this man would never physically harm me, but that doesn’t stop the little voice in the back of my brain telling me to run and hide before the pain is dealt.
Before he speaks, I do. “I’m sorry. I should have told you we were leaving, but you were in church, and I was planning to only go for a quick walk and then lounge by the pool. When we got into the woods, I lost all track of time, telling her about the trees, flowers, and animals. I never meant to upset you or cause you to worry. I’d never let anything happen to her.”
When the word vomit is done, I finally look up from my hands, and a concerned Razor stares at me. He glances at a sleeping Starla and stands, placing her in the crib. I stand as still as possible so not to create a reaction.
What the fuck is wrong with me?I’m not this woman anymore. I refuse to fear a man, no matter who he is. With that, I draw my shoulders back and meet his stare. If he strikes me, then I’m out. No matter fucking what. Razor slowly stalks over to me and grins when I meet his stare.
“There she is. I was wondering what happened to the woman who could talk a man off the edge. Was afraid I had lost you,” he says, cupping my cheek before kissing me gently. He pulls me into a tight hug and kisses the top of my head.
I sag in relief. He may have been upset with me or just worried when he found us, but I’m safe. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I take another deep breath to calm my racing heart. We stand there for a while before Razor pulls back, sweeping me off my feet and carrying me to the attached bedroom. He sits me on the edge of the bed and kneels in front of me. Razor slowly rubs his hands down my right calf, taking off my shoe and sock before doing the same to my left foot. Once he is done, he rubs and kneads up my legs until he gets to my thighs.
