Page 4 of Razor's Edge
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I ask, gripping the door frame so hard it cracks under pressure.
“No. There is a fucking party, and I plan on being a part of it. Maybe I can find a man who actually wants me.” Star smirks.
I don’t know what she is playing at, but her secret will be out if she keeps this shit up. She isn’t anything but a money-hungry, no-good piece of trash. I will be damned if I let that shithead and his whore ruin everything I've built for myself with the help of this club.
I move before the thought is fully formed, and she can see it coming. Slamming her against the wall by her throat, I get nose to nose with her, and the fear on her face tells me she’s listening. The monster is out, and there is nothing no one can fucking do about it.
“Listen to me and listen to me well. I’ve risked everything by bringing you into this club under the impression that you are my baby momma. Do not, for a second, think that I won’t put you out on your ass for that no-good drug dealing pimp you and my piece of shit brother fucked over if you cause any problem or cross any lines that I’ve laid out for you. Do I make myself fucking clear?”
The tears well and fall from Star’s eyes as she nods her head, not saying a word. I put more pressure on her throat so she knows I’m not fucking around with her. I want to fucking shake this woman. The only damn reason I’m doing this is because of that baby, and she needs to fucking remember that. I hate being this person—angry, bitter, and on the verge of losing everything to that anger.
I wanted to check on my blood brother because my earliest memories of my drug-addicted mother were her telling me to take care of the baby and make sure he was safe and quiet, so we don’t bother her friends. I was eight years older than that baby and did everything I could to protect and look out for him. I would fight and steal to feed us and try to keep the lights on. Fighting for my life in an underground fight is where Prez found me.
He pulled me out of the depths of hell. The only thing that would have stopped me was leaving my brother behind. I’d been taking care of him and protecting him my whole life. I wasn't about to leave him in that shit. In only a week, Prez found some family for my brother to go to that were more than willing to help by taking my brother in. The only stipulation was that I could not contact them and let him live his life without my sorry ass in it, according to my so-called uncle.
I did until last year when I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out and checking on him, only to find out he didn’t stay with my aunt and uncle long and got himself wrapped up with drugs and a pimp. That proved to me that family is the people you choose, the ones who have your back and support you no matter what. When I found out what he had gotten himself into, the guilt of getting out and making things good for myself hit me hard. So, I couldn't say no when he called and asked for help. I just pray my family will forgive me for the hell-storm this will bring on them if the people looking for this whore ever find out she is here.
The monster roars out so hard and fast that I explode, punching the wall beside her head, causing Star to squeak with fear. This brings me out of my head and back into the here and now.
“I said, do I make myself perfectly fucking clear?” I hiss, still in her face.
“Yes—yes, I hear you loud and clear,” she whispers, tears still running down her cheeks.
“Good. Now go clean yourself up and go to fucking bed. I’m going to check my system and most likely sleep in there or with Starla. Her room is on the other side of that bathroom. I’ll leave the door to her room open so you can hear her. Do not cause any shit, or this’ll end badly for you.” I finish, turning and leaving before I do something I can’t return from.
I’m so fucking pissed I can’t see straight, and now that the monster has been let out, I may never be the old Razor again.
2
Edge
At some point, you learn not to let your heart make all the choices. Today, I learned that lesson, and I will not forget it anytime soon. When Torch and his men saved my cousin and me from the clutches of the Snake Bite MC, I honestly thought Vixen and I would finally be free. At the end of the day, that’s exactly what will happen. Only I’m leaving here with a broken heart instead of leaving there with a broken body.
“Fucking bullshit!” I scream as I break. Throwing everything in my suitcase with one sweep of my arm and a scream, I clear off the dresser of everything. Breaking glass draws my attention to the picture of me, my momma and daddy standing in front of our house. I fall to my knees, sobbing while picking it up and bringing it to my chest.
I sit on the floor crying. It isn’t all because of Razor. The flood gates are finally open, and I’m processing everything. The death of my dad, then my mom, the foster homes, and, most of all, everything that happened at the hands of my very own boogieman. Small arms wrap around me from behind.
“You know, I’ve been waiting on you to fall off the edge,” Vixen says before kissing the back of my head.
“You are such a bitch. You know that, right?” I ask through a sob.
“If I weren't, you wouldn’t love me the way you do,” she sasses back.
“If that ain’t the truth. No one would love you if it weren’t for you being a downright bitch,” I repeat, trying to hold back the tears I seem unable to stop.
“Bitch, don’t you cry. This little peanut inside me makes me sappy as fuck.” Vix sniffs as tears well up in her eyes.
That starts a laugh from deep inside me. I can't and won't stop it. Like at the hotel after we got away from Fire and Ice, Vixen and I laugh. Simply because if we don’t, we’ll cry, and if we start that, I don’t know when I’ll stop. Leaving Vixen and doing things on my own is the scariest thing I’ve ever done. It’s always been Vixen and me against the world. Fuck, I need to get my shit together. I’m not leaving the fucking state, just moving into town.
Once we stop laughing, we lay on my bed and talk. Even with everything that’s happened, some of the men are unsure if we are playing them. I’ve lived so long under suspicion and doubt that figuring life out on my own is what I need. Vixen finally understands that. We must have fallen asleep because Torch’s voice startles me.
“Come on, little momma, let's get you to bed.” I listen to them while trying to hold the breaking pieces of my heart together with all my might.
“I’m in bed, you fucking monster. Leave me the fuck alone,” Vix mumbles, wrapping her arm around my middle.
“Our bed, you pain in my fucking ass! Let go of her before you wake her,” Torch growls quietly. They still think I’m sleeping. Instead, I’m fighting with everything I have not to laugh my ass off.
“If I let her go, she’ll leave me forever, and I can’t do this without her,” Vixen says in a shocking moment of vulnerability.
