Page 128 of A Winter By the Sea
He looked up, clearly stunned. “No.”
“It was either that, or our reduced circumstances. What else was I to think?”
He said, “I could not explain, not without telling you aboutBertram and Claire, which I knew your parents wished to keep secret.”
Charles inhaled deeply, then said, “When I realized there was nothing I could do—that the damage had been done—I told Bertram the least he could do was to not speak of what had happened, and to order his servants to remain silent as well. Bertram agreed, although I hoped more than believed him sincere. After all, he had already proven himself to be a man without honor.”
Remembering his friend’s innuendo, Emily said, “He was not as discreet as you have been. He must have at least told Craven.”
“Evidently.” Charles grimaced. “I never breathed a word to anyone, but after Bertram’s abrupt departure, followed by news of Claire going to Scotland? I knew my parents suspected—especially Mamma. She is the one who suggested I go to London for a while, and perhaps it was cowardly of me, but I agreed.
“At the time, I decided the best thing I could do for my family was to end things with you. At least until the rumors died down. Amanda was on the cusp of becoming engaged. I did not want anything to jeopardize my sister’s future happiness.
“In London, I escorted her to parties and balls, and tried to follow Mamma’s advice to find another young lady to love. But I could not find her in London. For she had moved to Sidmouth.”
He leaned closer. “I never stopped thinking of you or missing you. My mother has thrown countless women in my path, but I could not seriously consider any of them, for my heart already belongs to you.”
Charles took her hand. “I know I hurt you, Emily, but I hope you will forgive me. Will you? Will you give me another chance?”
She heard the veranda door in the next room open and shut, yet Emily did not stir.
Her chest ached. For more than a year she had prayed Charles would admit he’d been wrong, realize he loved her, and propose. Now he seemed ready to do just that, yet she hesitated, uncertain of her answer. What was wrong with her?
Charles cradled both of her hands in his. “Will you marry me? I loved you then and love you still. Let us forget the past and start anew.”
Emily tried to smile, but her lips seemed frozen. She suddenly felt dizzy and nauseated.
These were the words she had longed for. Here was Charles, holding her hands, his handsome face near, looking at her with all the admiration and affection of old. Why was she not bursting with happiness?
Through the window, she saw Mr. Gwilt out on the veranda shaking crumbs from a tablecloth, humming as he did so.
Beside her, Charles remained silent as he awaited her reply.
Some of what he’d told her was not very flattering—neither to himself nor to her family—yet he had told her the truth, trusted her with the good and the bad. She should be grateful. His proposal was not the starry-eyed, romantic scene of her daydreams. She’d heard no harp music, and her knees had not weakened. Perhaps those had all been foolish imaginings. Perhaps real love was not like that.
But she wanted it to be.
From the parlour came the sounds of Georgie and Hannah laughing over a game.
Emily swallowed another hard lump. “May I think about it?”
Disappointment dulled his eyes, and he opened his mouth to object.
Georgie appeared in the doorway. “Emily, we need another player. Oh! Sorry, Charles. I did not know you were here.”
Their private tête-à-tête had become too noisy and too public.
He rose. “Why do I not return when things are ... quieter. Tomorrow?” he suggested, then frowned. “No, I have already agreed to take Mamma to call on a friend after church. Will Monday afternoon suit?”
She mutely nodded.
“I will speak to your mother first when I return, which might be appropriate under the circumstances.”
Emily suddenly wished to speak to Mamma as well. To ask her advice. To beg her to explain why she felt as she did. Why, when Emily’s dearest wish had been offered to her, she did not immediately snatch it up in both hands.
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Marinate for two or three days with thyme.
