Page 158 of A Winter By the Sea
Not trusting her voice, Sarah managed a nod. He gestured her into the nearby workroom and followed her inside.
Once there, he tucked his hands behind his back and glanced around.
“You and I have spent a good deal of time together in this room, have we not? Much of it inspired by our shared love of pastry.”
Again Sarah nodded. She was struck by how clean-shavenhe was. His side-whiskers and eyebrows were unusually well-groomed. Even his ears and nose hairs had been trimmed.
He fastened his gaze on her and cleared his throat. “You may remember I told you I sometimes long to open an establishment of my own, to settle down in one place?”
“Yes...?”
“We spoke of it at the market, near Broadbridge’s.”
“I remember.”
“And now your friend has decided to marry and sell the boarding house. Is that not amazing timing? Might that not seem like ... fate?”
“I will be sorry to see her go.”
“Yes, yes, but she is not going far. She mentioned her intended lives less than two miles away.”
Sarah nodded weakly, knowing her response had been little more than an evasion. Blood roared in her ears, making his voice seem as though coming from a great distance. Her palms perspired and dread—yes, dread—churned in her stomach. Why had she allowed things to progress to this point? Had she given him reason to believe she was interested in him romantically?
“I have been thinking,” he went on. “And I have a proposal for you. I thought I might buy the place and becomechef de maisonof my own establishment. I could not do it alone, however. I know how to cook for large parties, but I have no experience with the lodging side of things. You do. Together, we would make an excellent team, do you not think?”
Sarah blinked, thoughts whirling then shuddering to a halt. Was this not a marriage proposal, then, but a business arrangement?
She swallowed. “I already have my hands full with Sea View. My mother and sisters help, of course, yet I still manage much of the day-to-day.”
“Well I know it. Yet you also find time to bake, and go to market, and do other tasks I could perform. And you would not be far away, if your mother and sisters needed you for some reason. After a year or two, we might take the profits, go somewhere more fashionable like Bath or Brighton, and open a bigger place.”
Sarah stared at him. “What exactly are you proposing? Are you asking me to be your business partner?”
“Well, yes. And more, if you are willing. I realize we have not known one another long, so I would not push for ... that ... yet. I admire you, as I think you know. You have many excellent qualities, and I think, or at least hope, that you like me, a little.”
Sarah drew a long, shaky breath. “Thank you, Mr. Bernardi. I am aware of the compliment you pay me. But I could not accept your offer. For one thing, as you say, we are not long acquainted, and while we ... like each other, that is not enough.”
“In time, I—”
She held up her hand to forestall his rebuttal. “There is also the fact that I will be needed here for the foreseeable future. The Duke of Kent’s death might cast a pall over Sidmouth. Visitors could drop off. My family may need my help more than ever.”
He ducked his head, then looked up at her from beneath his dark fringe. “That is not the real reason you object.”
“Well, I...”
“Do you view a pastry chef as beneath your station in life? I would not have thought it, when you have opened your own home to guests and even work in the kitchen.”
Sarah thought about making more excuses or asking for time to think it over. The proposal was unexpected, after all. But that, she knew, would be cowardly, and would only postponewhat would be a difficult answer to give at any time. Delaying would allow him to hope, which would be cruel or, at least, unfair.
For a moment, she lifted her eyes, forcing herself to hold his gaze. She saw a trace of nervousness in his expression, and perhaps the anticipation of rejection, but not, she thought, deeper emotions. He did not even pretend to love her, so she guessed he would recover from this disappointment rather quickly.
She said, “The life of a boarding-house keeper has never been something I aspired to. We have merely done what we’ve had to do to keep our family together. Nor can I deny that my mother would be somewhat disappointed by such an alliance. Yet that is not why I cannot accept your offer. As I mentioned, I was once engaged, and would be married now, had my intended not died. I don’t claim it was an earth-shattering passion, but we loved one another without a doubt. I like you. I admire your skill and loyalty to your friends and family. But if I ever marry, it will be for love.”
He screwed up his mouth. “If I had said I was in love with you ... If I had asserted that, instead of being more honest, might you have agreed?”
Sarah managed a tremulous smile. “You are not so accomplished an actor.”
He looked away with a wince.
